I 繰り返して 保釈（金） out my partner from his 財政上の messes?- should I pull the plug on him? Money psychotherapist VICKY REYNAL replies
- Do you have a question for Vicky? Email vicky.reynal@dailymail.co.uk
Q:?My partner and I have been together for six years, and we have been living together almost since the start of our 関係. I have a stable 職業 and have worked in the same company for eight years and I make enough to enjoy a good lifestyle.
When we first met, he had just left a 職業 because of a 不一致 with his boss. Since then he has been trying to get 職業s here and there to 与える／捧げる his half of our expenses and rent. But somehow it always ends 不正に.?
To date, he’s changed more than five 職業s, tried to start two 商売／仕事s and has had periods of 失業. He also tried his luck 貿易（する）ing crypto online and lost the few 貯金 he had.?
I 結局最後にはーなる having to 保釈（金） him out, 支払う／賃金ing off small 貸付金s he takes to start 商売／仕事s and cover his half of the expenses.?
Should I pull the plug on him?
Your partner might be caught up in a cycle of 財政上の self-破壊行為, Vicky Reynal 令状s
Money psychotherapist Vicky Reynal replies: It sound like your partner might be caught up in a cycle of 財政上の self-破壊行為. Unfortunately, it may feel to you as if he keeps getting his own way, but there are things going on here.?
For 深い-seated, 多重の 推論する／理由s, people いつかs do not 許す themselves to enjoy good things such as money, success or a good 職業. It might be because they feel undeserving, because they 欠如（する）d good 役割 models growing up and at some level don’t feel they have ‘what it takes’. They may even be afraid of success and the envy that it might evoke in others.
Another 推論する／理由 for his self-破壊行為 could very 井戸／弁護士席 be 関係のある to your 関係. You see, unconsciously, some people 結局最後にはーなる finding themselves in 状況／情勢s where they need ‘救助（する）ing’ because that helps them feel looked after.?
What 運動s this need 変化させるs. いつかs there is painful 外傷／ショック at the root of it. But, as I often tell my （弁護士の）依頼人s, it takes two to build a dynamic ? and this dynamic of 犠牲者- and-救助者 is one that you are complicit in setting up. It sounds like you are aware of this, and you know you have 機関 to stop it.
So, in a way, you know that ending your 関係 is for the best.
Maybe the question is: how?to do it? Ending it without a conversation might be unnecessarily 残虐な and not lead to much learning. I would advise talking to your partner about how it makes you feel every time you have to 保釈（金） him out. 表明する curiosity about why this keeps happening, what you can do to help him 避ける needing to be 救助（する）d in the 未来. 明言する／公表する your 意向 to discontinue this pattern.
A therapist might be able to help your partner unpack why he is stuck in a destructive pattern. さもなければ think together about how you have ended up in this dynamic and 選択s for the next time he finds himself unable to 会合，会う his half of rent?? which don’t 伴う／関わる you stepping in.?
いつかs we enable history repeating itself when we can 妨げる it.
Vicky’s 調書をとる／予約する, Money on Your Mind: The Psychology Behind Your 財政上の Habits, is out now, £16.99 with Bonnier 調書をとる／予約するs.?
