Hague's minion and the nosediving dove
William Hague this week threw a drinks do for London’s 外交団 and regaled the (faintly chewy) throng with chee
ry tales about his 大臣s.
The party was held at Lancaster House, 大使の リムジンs stretching 支援する to 棺／かげり 商店街. A civil service choir warbled carols. At the door, one was met not only by the Foreign 長官 but by fair Ffion Hague, who has a cruncher of a handshake. Ouch!
Guests having been 負担d with what Mr Hague’s PPS, Keith Simpson MP, called ‘a glass of Chateau Thames Valley’, Mr Hague made a speech.
He 観察するd that Middle East/North Africa 大臣 Alistair Burt had this year visited several countries which 爆発するd into 暴力／激しさ within a day or two of スパイ／執行官 Burt’s 出発. ‘We’re thinking of grounding him,’ said Mr Hague, dead-pan Yorkshire. Puzzled silence from his audience, some of whom were in 国家の 衣装.
Next, we were told that junior 大臣 Jeremy Browne had 小旅行するd South America extensively. Photographic 証拠 証明するd young Browne’s 使用／適用 to his 義務s. It showed HM’s plenipotentiary jiving with 地元の lovelies on the shores of Lake Titicaca, high in the Andes.?
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‘The 高度 may have been to 非難する,’ jested Mr Hague. At this point Germany’s 外交官／大使 swallowed some orange juice slowly.
Finally, Mr Hague told of the 大臣 i/c sub-Saharan Africa, the imperturbably English Henry Bellingham, who has visited 39 countries and gone through four パスポートs.
In Lagos, Nigeria, it was arranged that he would 解放（する） a caged dove to open a JCB dealership. 式のs, the bird was a dud. Come the m oment of 解放（する）, it struggled into the 空気／公表する and then ― neeeeeow! ― did an imitation of a stricken 闘士，戦闘機 計画（する）, nosediving to the ground with a 終点 thud.
That one finally won Mr Hague some guttural laughs.
Mr Bellingham, pukka sahib that he is, did not for a moment lose his moony smile when the dove croaked at his feet. 冷静な／正味の in a 危機. The Foreign Office way.
A reader from Lib Dem Kingston-on-Thames was recently in Rotterdam and saw a child approached by a bearded white man and a 黒人／ボイコット man. The boy was asked if he had been good. If so, Sinterklaas, the white man, would give him a 現在の. If he had been bad, Zwarte Piet (黒人／ボイコット Pete), 脅すd to take the child into slavery in Africa.
‘This is how the Dutch celebrate Saint Nicholas’s Day,’ says my 特派員. ‘If I 適用するd for a licence to do that in Kingston, the 会議 多様制 officer would probably call in an 空気／公表する strike on Woodbines Avenue.’
Humdinger: My woman of the year Charlotte Vere
Taking the fight to Ms Harperson
My women of the year are Charlotte Vere and Janice Atkinson-Small, who have started a think 戦車／タンク called Women On...
They think women should 後継する on 長所, rather than 経由で tokenism, all-女性（の） shortlists etc. In short, they are everything Harriet Harman is not.
Last week, they took a spirited 攻撃する against BBC2’s Newsnight for ‘害（を与える）ing the 原因（となる） of equality’ by 持つ／拘留するing a stunty, all-女性（の） talk about the economy. Mrs Vere, 42, is a would-be Tory MP, while Mrs Atkinson-Small belongs to Ukip. ‘The Lefties are very, very cross about us and see Women On... as a 完全にする betrayal,’ laughs Mrs Vere. ‘They’re astonished that anyone is challenging １０年間s of lazy thinking. It’s dirty work but someone has to do it.’
If any Tory 協会 is looking for a humdinger of a 候補者, it need look no その上の.
Ken Livingstone’s children may be hoping he does not 勝利，勝つ the London 市長の 選挙. イモリ-fancier Ken is these days proud owner of a labrador, Coco. He tells Dogs 月毎の: ‘If I don’t 勝利，勝つ the 市長の 選挙, I will definitely get another dog to keep Coco company.’
悲惨な? Surely the Church of England should enjoy telling the European clerisy to get stuffed
The EU inquisition
Handwringing in the Church Times’ about David Cameron’s 拒否権 in Brussels. ‘Staying out of Europe is myopic,’ cries a polemic. A news story, 報告（する）／憶測ing 発言／述べるs by the Bishop of Guildford, 会談 of the ‘UK’s 悲惨な 孤立／分離 from 残り／休憩（する） of Europe’.
If there is one 会・原則 which should understand the joy of telling the European clerisy to get stuffed, should it not (Henry VII
I and all that) be the Church of England?
の中で those 調印 a pompous 一連の会議、交渉／完成する-コマドリ letter against David Cameron’s Euroscepticism this week was former Foreign Office 蜜柑 Lord Kerr of Kinlochard.
What a piece of work he is: a director of 爆撃する (which paid him 224,000 euros last year), and Rio Tinto ($201,000), 同様に as 存在 a director of Scottish 力／強力にする and Scottish American 投資 信用, 加える a member of an （a）忠告の／（n）警報 board at 武器 売買業者s BAE. All that before we even consider his Whitehall 年金. Ka-chingeroo.
No 疑問 his 法人組織の／企業の 雇用者s think Lord Kerr 高度に 尊敬（する）・点d. At the House of Lords this is no longer 完全に the 事例／患者. When he stands to talk about Europe these days, the House groans. The other day he was heckled (unusual) with quavery bleats of ‘noooo!’ and ‘too long!’
'Always volunteer to 令状 first 草案s', said ex-PM Harold Wilson
Mr Wilson's words of 知恵
Brian Mawhinney, the former Tory chairman, passes on advice he received, as a young MP, from Harold Wilson. The ex-PM said: ‘Always volunteer to 令状 first 草案s.’ Why? Because although bosses will tweak 詳細（に述べる）s, the basic structure and ideas of the first 草案 usually 生き残る.
Last week’s Feltham 補欠選挙 was a 後退 for my 正規の／正選手 特派員 Dave Bishop, 偽名，通称 L ord Biro. He stood for the Bus Pass Elvis Party and （機の）カム ninth. Out of nine. His lordship, whose main 政策 was ‘捨てる EastEnders, bring 支援する 最高の，を越す of the Pops’, did not have an 平易な （選挙などの）運動をする. He started by ちらしing the wrong 選挙区／有権者 and then went 負かす／撃墜する with food 毒（薬）ing (破壊行為?). While canvassing an elector he was thrown out of the Sawyers 武器 by a barmaid. ‘Your behaviour is anti-democratic!’ argued our would-be MP as he sailed out of the door.
He later 追加するd a line to his manifesto: ‘Turn the Sawyers 武器 into a 続けざまに猛撃する Shop.’ Yet still, mystifyingly, he lost.?
Setting the 的
政治家，政治屋s continue to splurge out money, so let us start Waste Watch. Please send me examples of foolish public spending.
To open the batting: a 建設業者 friend in the South-West was recently asked by the 当局 to do some work 近づく the M5 where 拡大 is planned. A badger has made its sett nearby. My 知識 is 存在 paid £180,000 to 建設する a contraption which will 確実にする that the badger is 誘惑するd to different sett. For that money, they could have bought the creature a 会議 flat.
