He's buffed. He's tanned. He earns £12m a year. And He thinks he's gorgeous. But is this the world's least sexy man?

By Claudia Connell for MailOnline

Published: 23:10 BST, 19 June 2013 | Updated: 23:30 BST, 19 June 2013

The 団体／死体 is slathered in enough oil to 深い-fry a 解雇（する） of potatoes, the tan is the colour of an old leather 議長，司会を務める and the shorts are so tight you can count the change in his pocket.

It can all mean only one thing - Cristiano Ronaldo is taking his 年次の summer holiday.

The sight of the world's most self-regarding footballer 提起する／ポーズをとるing on a ヨット or mincing about on shore with his posse of hangers-on is one we've come to 推定する／予想する every June, along with silly hats at Ascot and rain at Wimbledon.

But what's puzzling about the spectacle is that, while there's no 否定するing that Ronaldo is a jaw-dropping Adonis of a man, he does nothing for me, or any other woman I know.

Shirtless Cristiano Ronaldo shows off his 団体／死体 on a boat trip with friends in Miami

In fact, the picture of him sunbathing in his canary-yellow budgie-smugglers is about as sexy as the one of Boris Johnson in his baggy tennis whites at Queen's Club last 週末. Boris is no Greek god, but at least he wouldn't be checking his reflection in the mirror every two minutes.

明確に, Ronaldo - who earns? £12?million a year playing for Real Madrid - won't be weeping too many salty 涙／ほころびs into one of his Italian silk shirts at the news that he doesn't do it for a middle-老年の British woman, but the fact remains there's something 全く sexless about men who 充てる so much time to their looks.

To be blunt - they never seem やめる as keen on women as they are on their own reflections. Perhaps, once it becomes 明らかな that no woman could ever love them as much as they love themselves, they give up. Isn't that 権利, Simon Cowell?

I'd hazard a guess that The X Factor 裁判官's girlfriends are more attracted by his millions and showbiz clout than by his high-維持／整備 beauty 決まりきった仕事 - he said Botox was ‘as normal as 小衝突ing your teeth', and has been known to wear 厚い make-up.

To which most will 答える／応じる: ‘It's a 大規模な No from me.' Because, when it's obvious that a man gives over a sizeable chunk of every day to plucking, waxing, トンing, tanning and buffing, it just becomes a 抱擁する turn-off.

He's been に例えるd to Stretch Armstrong - a doll from the Seventies

Men are meant to be a bit rough around the 辛勝する／優位s - able to wash, go and be out of th e house in ten minutes flat.

With all that time 充てるd to ‘manscaping', as male beautifying is called, it doesn't leave a lot of time for things like - oh, I don't know - reading 調書をとる／予約するs or watching the news.

許す the generalisation, but in my experience men who spend most of their waking hours tending to their looks are rarely the はっきりした of 道具s.

The blokes from TV show The Only Way Is Essex are a 事例／患者 in point. The teeth dazzle, the 注目する，もくろむs sparkle and the designer 控訴s are dapper, but it's fair to say that Mensa won't be （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域ing a path to their doors any time soon.

Vain men don't make 広大な／多数の／重要な company as they tend to have only one topic of conversation - no prizes for guessing what that is. They're also not much fun because the cornerstone of any sense of humour is the ability to laugh at yourself - something they'd never dream of doing.

I once went on a date with a man where we had to sit in the restaurant for two hours after we'd finished our meal. The 推論する／理由? It was raining and he didn't want to 廃虚 his hair. Needless to say it was our first and last date.

Men taking an 利益／興味 in their 外見 are to be 拍手喝采する - no one wants a slob whose idea of grooming is to clean his nails with a train ticket and 選ぶ his teeth with a cocktail stick.

But, 平等に, no one wants a man who looks as though he must take two hours to get ready for a night out. For a man to be sexy and 望ましい he still has to 申し込む／申し出 some nod に向かって masculinity. He doesn't have to 格闘する crocodiles or enter a cage-fighting contest - just not look like he'd bitch 非難する you to get to the bathroom first, sleep in a hairnet to keep his quiff neat or （警察の）手入れ，急襲 your 注目する，もくろむ cream.
Bein g in touch with your feminine 味方する is 罰金. Having moved there 十分な time is not.

That doesn't stop famous men like Ronaldo from going all-out in 追跡 of an immaculate 外見. He's been に例えるd to Stretch Armstrong - a doll from the Seventies that you could pull in all directions - and indeed, he does have a rather plastic 外見.Given his Portuguese 遺産, it's fair to assume Ronaldo is 自然に hirsute. We're used to waxed chests on modern, metrosexual men. But waxed 脚s and forearms, too? It must take hours.

Then there's the tan. No ugly, 行方不明になるd white bits for our Ronnie. As the pictures of him sunbathing on board the ヨット show, there's no 提起する／ポーズをとる or position he won't bend himself into ーするために get an even colour.

現在／一般に staying in the poseur's 楽園 that is Miami, Ronaldo is on another one of his boys-only holidays. As we've seen from his holiday wardrobe, it's （疑いを）晴らす he puts as much time and 成果／努力 into packing for his trip as he does into 準備するing for a match.

It's hard to imagine the 普通の／平均（する） British bloke abroad teaming a pair of 有望な pink shorts with a white vest and a blue trilby, artfully worn at a jaunty angle.

When it comes to fashion, 大陸の men have always been more avant garde and willing to 実験 than the Brits - but the contents of Ronaldo's wardrobe take it to a whole new level.On previous occasions, we've seen him in silver hotpants, white ジーンズs, 冒険的な a flower in his hair and wearing a tight-fitting pink, fluffy angora sweater.

And he wouldn't be seen dead without a designer man-捕らえる、獲得する, clutched 堅固に under his? rippling bicep.
Given Ronaldo's flamboyant style, there has been internet 憶測 as to whether anything other than designer 着せる／賦与するs will ever come out of his closet, but it seems that - like most footballers - he has a taste for the ladies.

Not only is he 現在／一般に dating ロシアの supermodel Irina Shayk, but three years ago he became father to a son - also called Cristiano. Some stories say that the child was born に引き続いて a one-night stand, while others say Ronaldo paid a surrogate to carry the child.

Either way, I'm sure there's plenty more pouting and 提起する／ポーズをとるing to come from Ronaldo this summer - I just wish he and other narcissistic men would realise how much of an own goal their vanity 得点する／非難する／２０s with the opposite sex.

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