ROWAN PELLING: Why can't he be happy with the level of intimacy we already enjoy?

By ROWAN PELLING FOR THE DAILY MAIL

Published: | Updated:

QUESTION: My partner and I are in our late 40s and have been together for three years. We have a good sex life, apart from his repeated requests that I tell him my innermost fantasies. I’m not comfortable 株ing such 私的な thoughts. Why can’t he be happy with the level of intimacy we already enjoy?

Rowan helps a woman who is struggling to deal with her partner's repeated requests to tell him her innermost fantasies (picture posed by models)?

Rowan helps a woman who is struggling to を取り引きする her partner's repeated requests to tell him her innermost fantasies (picture 提起する／ポーズをとるd by models)?

ANSWER: It’s become a bit of a 関係 clich? that we should tell our other half everything, as if 診察するing their every thought was a 広大な／多数の／重要な idea.

The truth is, most of us need to 保存する a little inner space ― often, it’s this small corner of privacy that keeps us sane. This is 特に true if you live with someone who likes asking: ‘What are you thinking?’

So I understand why you feel so 抵抗力のある to your partner’s entreaties. Many shy people feel mortified by the thought of 発言する／表明するing explicit thoughts, even to someone they love.

What you need to fathom is your partner’s 動機づけ here. If he’s a 肉親，親類d lover, he probably wants 手がかり（を与える）s as to how he can better 押し進める your buttons.

It’s also likely he feels turned on by the idea of 株ing fantasies aloud. Telling someone your 私的な 願望（する）s can be thrilling ― but only if you feel comfortable doing so.

It’s also possible that he feels you keep too much from him. Some people are more 保留するing than others, which can be 失望させるing for a partner. If you’re honest, might you 利益 from a little emotional 解放（する）?

It’s not やむを得ず imperative to 明らかにする／漏らす your true fantasies. You might find your man is happy listening to a シナリオ you invent, or from an erotic novel.

Only you can know how a fair balance can be struck. Perhaps your partner also needs to recognise that what he craves in you is 正確に the knowledge you 持つ／拘留する something 支援する.

The long 追求（する），探索（する） to 暴露する your fantasies may be more thrilling than 現実に 接近ing them.

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