Celia Walden: I used to think women were the enemy
Having 耐えるd years of cruel 治療 at an all-girls school, Celia Walden grew up preferring the company of men. Then （機の）カム a midlife epiphany...??
Celia Walden: 'Bitchiness is a 殺し屋. And because I grew up with two brothers who were so straightforward in comparison and wore their hearts and 憎悪s on their sleeves, it seemed easier to keep women at a distance.'
The new girl’s starting on Monday,’ my male 同僚 whispered. ‘She’s tall and blonde and…’ A gleeful pause. ‘You’re going to hate each other.’
Twenty years on, I’m still as fascinated by this 声明 as I was in the moment. Maybe because the 仮定／引き受けること that women are all born 競争相手s is still 存在 made every day ? 大部分は by men for whom that 競争 somehow remains endlessly titillating. Must be all that naked mud-格闘するing we do. Or maybe because, after years of buying into that myth, if everyone’s 推定する／予想するing me to hate the tall blonde girl she must be a ‘脅し’ to everything that I am.
After １０年間s of 存在 a 献身的な ‘man’s woman’, however, I now finally believe in the idea of a sisterhood. Because at 45, I’m something I never thought I’d be: a girl’s girl.
?As tempting as it is to 非難する men for every mistaken belief and absurd insecurity we’ve held on to into adulthood, I can’t put those 早期に years on them. No, my 不信 of women stemmed from my 選び出す／独身-sex school days. The whispers in the 回廊（地帯）s, designed to be overheard: ‘What does she think she’s wearing?’ ‘Who does she think she is?’ That history lesson when I resolutely ignored the sniggers behind me, only to find out later? that the Regina George character from my own 私的な Mean Girls biopic had spent 40 minutes splattering the 支援する of my shirt with 署名／調印する. Then there was the rumour another girl decided to spread in my 中央の-teens, 伴う／関わるing me, three boys from the 地元の boys’ school, and what 明らかに happened after a party at one of their homes. The rumour I only 設立する out about when it reached one of my closest friends, and I felt 完全に 権力のない against, knowing some lies can never be disproved.
Celia with husband?Piers Morgan and his former Good Morning Britain 同僚 Susanna Reid
Bitchiness is a 殺し屋. And because I grew up with two brothers who were so straightforward in comparison and wore their hearts and 憎悪s on their sleeves, it seemed easier to keep women at a distance. Aside from the handful of 心にいだくd 女性（の） friends I kept の近くに over the years, I 限られた／立憲的な my interactions with them, 避けるing cliques, women-only clubs and the 肉親，親類d of teenage girls’ nights where you were 脅すd to leave the room, conscious of the snide comments that tended to be made about others in their absenc e.
にもかかわらず the more 肯定的な experiences I started to have once I’d left the catty 限定するs of the girls’ school ? a 女性（の） boss who 支持する／優勝者d me and supportive 女性（の） 同僚s ? the 不信 continued into my 20s, 固く結び付けるd by 半端物 occasions when I felt so baffled by 女性（の） behaviour that I would go to bed angry. The night a fellow 女性（の） 新聞記者／雑誌記者 crossed the room at a party to compliment my dress, hair and 令状ing ? the whole ‘sisterly’ charade ? not knowing that I’d been 今後d a disparaging email she’d written about me days earlier.
With husband Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell and partner Lauren Silverman in June
?What’s that about? Why bother? Were we all 運命にあるd to be stuck in a Clueless-style 逮捕（する）d 開発 井戸／弁護士席 into middle age? To 引用する the film: ‘Oh, she’s a 十分な-on Monet. From far away, it’s 承認する, but up の近くに, it’s a big ol’ mess.’ Given that women 株 the same 障害s in the workplace and beyond, and that 確かな men count on that 肉親，親類d of petty bitchery to keep us in our place, that behaviour feels like an own goal of the most depressing 肉親，親類d.
I made a lot more male friends than 女性（の） over the next １０年間, enjoying their banter and 欠如（する） of 協議事項 to such a degree that when it （機の）カム to my 女／おっせかい屋 night, I decided to throw a ‘men’s night’ instead. 承認する, so I wasn’t going to be able to match these guys 発射 for 発射, but at least I wouldn’t be 軍隊d to don a Bride to Be tiara and sash and gorge on willy-形態／調整d cupcakes.
Then I became 妊娠している ? and something weird happened. And I mean weird on a ‘chest-bursting scene from 外国人’ level. Because, as any mum-to-be will tell you, Ridley Scott couldn’t （不足などを）補う some of the stuff that happens to your 団体／死体 when you become a swollen gestational 乗り物. 実験（する） audiences would decry it as ‘too far-fetched’. And to 構内／化合物 that weirdness, I 設立する myself surrounded by a 産む／飼育する of woman I’d never come across before: 堅い career women whose 直面するs would melt at the sight of my bump, their 注目する，もくろむs glazing over with emotion as they volunteered all sorts of intimacies about their own pregnancies; A-名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） interviewees who would take 負かす／撃墜する my email ーするために send over links to the best stretch-示す creams and parenting 調書をとる／予約するs ? and then 現実に do that.
Celia with Dame Joan Collins?
Suddenly, the woman in 前線 of me in the Costa 列 wasn’t just letting me go first but 主張するing Gin Gins ginger chews were ‘the answer to morning sickness’. The Barclays bank cashier was telling me about the feta cheese cravings she’d had with her second baby. 無作為の women everywhere were reaching out to 一打／打撃 me. Now, I understand why some women might find all that intrusive, but I loved every second.
I needed that epiphany to understand our basic commonality ? that women are all intrinsically linked to one another. Only when I had my daughter did I realise what that 深い 社債 was based on: empathy. The ability to put ourselves in another woman’s mind and 団体／死体, to rejoice and grieve for her ? that’s our 超大国.
Celia with Katherine Jenkins?
I had the 発覚 in the cereal aisle of Waitrose (always the way) as I watched a mother 格闘する with a toddler in the 十分な 床に打ち倒す-flailing throws of a 核の 炉心溶融. Taking in her frazzled 直面する, the white knuckles gripping her trolley, and the 簡潔な／要約する moment in which she の近くにd her 注目する，もくろむs to 封鎖する out the agony, I knew 正確に／まさに what this woman was thinking: I can’t do this. And I would have given, done, said anything to help her. So I did what we all do and tried to distract the toddler out of his fit, pulling 直面するs and waving my 手渡すs around like a lunatic. But in the end, all I could 申し込む／申し出 the toddler’s poor mother was a smile. We’ve all been there. Because those silent messages of sisterly support had meant everything to me.
If motherhood hadn’t broken 負かす／撃墜する the 障壁s and 許すd me to make a whole new 始める，決める of friends that have 濃厚にするd my late 30s, and now my 40s, in a way I could never have imagined, the ageing 過程 would have. I wasted a lot of time putting on a 前線 for other women, trying to hide my 欠陥s. But getting older exposes all of that as a pointless sham. It both 減ずるs us and elevates us to more than the sum of our parts. And now that I’ve failed and been caught 欠如（する）ing professionally, parentally and 肉体的に; now that my jawline has slackened and my laughter lines are more entren ched, I no longer feel I need to pretend to be perfect in the way that I once did. Many more experiences are going to 増強する those 女性（の） 関係 over the １０年間s to come ? not all of them joyful. They might be infuriating, sad or traumatic experiences at the 手渡すs of men, like the ones I 述べる in my thriller Payday, in which three very different women who have been humiliated and belittled by the same man (1)偽造する／(2)徐々に進む the darkest of 社債s. Or they might be コンビナート／複合体 and painful experiences of a more prosaic 肉親，親類d: the menopause and the debilitating women’s afflictions and 病気s thrown at us by that least sisterly （独立の）存在 of all, Mother Nature. But knowing we’ll 株 them is a 慰安. And as much as we love to hate social マスコミ for its trolls, its ‘fakeness’ and its ‘glossiness’, I see and feel so much 本物の 女性（の） warmth on those 壇・綱領・公約s every day.
As for all the new friendships there for the making, 井戸／弁護士席, that’s as exciting to me in middle age as the idea of 落ちるing in love once was. Remember the feeling we had in our teens and 20s, when every social 集会 was an 適切な時期 to find ‘that special someone?’ I have that now. All the time. Only the special someone’s a woman I 港／避難所’t met yet. One who might just 高める my life 簡潔に ? or last the distance. Because that tall blonde girl I was supposed to hate? She’s been my best friend for the past 20 years.
Celia’s novel Payday is published by Little, Brown, price £12.99?to order a copy for £11.04 until 10 October, go to mailshop.co.uk/調書をとる／予約するs or?call 020 3308 9193. 解放する／自由な UK? 配達／演説／出産 on orders over £20.?
