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JAN MOIR: Another day, another desperate Montecito dollar. This time with jam on it!

Published: 01:43 BST, 19 April 2024 | Updated: 15:51 BST, 19 April 2024

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Slice me a loaf and spread the bread of heaven with the ?butter of 祝賀.

In the week that we learn Prince Harry has lost another 法廷，裁判所事例／患者 and taken その上の steps に向かって cutting all formal 関係 with the UK, the first 製品 from American Riviera Orchard has been rolled out and it is ― ta da! ― a jar of strawberry jam.

Are these two events connected? If you consider that one is a ?遺産 fruity 低俗雑誌 boiled until 厚い, a hot mess that has taken the pith but is still 有能な of ?giving people the pip and that the other is a jar of jam ― then the coincidences are too strong to ignore.

And this is not just any jam! Each jar of the Duchess of ?Sussex's ARO jam is topped with a darling unbleached muslin lid tied with a charmingly rustic piece of ?authentic jam 製造者's string, la ficelle du confiturier, as Meghan no 疑問 explains to her 薄暗い ?mompreneur friends who 港／避難所't acquired a bit of European ?cultural polish like wot she has.

Each jar of the Duchess of ?Sussex's ARO jam is topped with a darling unbleached muslin lid tied with a charmingly rustic piece of ?authentic jam 製造者's string

In the week that we learn Prince Harry has lost another 法廷，裁判所事例／患者 and taken その上の steps に向かって cutting all formal 関係 with the UK, the first 製品 from American Riviera Orchard? is? a jar of strawberry jam

Each of the 50 jars has been numbered, in the manner of ?限られた／立憲的な-版 art prints, and sent out to friends, influencers and VIPs. Every jar is swaddled in a linen-lined basket surrounded by 巨大（な） lemons and frondy sprigs of elderflower ― all of which must have cost more than the actual jam.

地雷 hasn't arrived yet ― it's probably stuck in customs. Or there is no room on ?Meghan's most 手配中の，お尋ね者 freebie 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる）, packed with 公式文書，認めるd jam lovers such as Mr S. Spielberg, Mr （頭が）ひょいと動く Disney, Oprah, Elmo, Big Bird and the assorted wives of Hollywood ?hotshots who might, just might, 証明する useful in 未来.

Now look. Do you ?honestly believe I am going to 令状 about every 選び出す／独身 item that the Duchess of Sussex sells on her American Riviera Orchard brand website? Do you really think I am so ?shallow? So downright mean? Then you are 完全に訂正する. I am all that ― and いっそう少なく.

For while Meghan's upscale ?marketables might 井戸／弁護士席 turn out to be unoriginal, they will always be unignorable. And I am going to love all of it. Bring on the sculpted candles and the charity salad dressings and the foraged-爆撃する napkin （犯罪の）一味s.

What will the hero 製品 be? Yuzu marshmallows? Calligraphy pen 道具s for 令状ing encouraging messages on 気が狂って to 元気づける up sex 労働者s? Live, laugh, love, ladies! You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow!

It has been four long years since Peter Phillips appeared in a television advert flogging Jersey milk ('This is what I drink') to the ?悪名高くも lactose-unfriendly Chinese market. For 王室の fans 餓死するd of such cheapening, grisly sights, American Riviera Orchard is the shopping event of the ?century; a celebrity marketing moment bigger even than 非軍事の Sylvester Stallone's tinned High Protein Puddings, Katy Perry 開始する，打ち上げるing her Corn Popchips 範囲 ('it's my dream 軽食') or the Duchess of York flogging ?cranberry juice and teapots on U.S. television 支援する in the 1990s.

The labels 明言する／公表する Meghan's jam has been 'sourced in Montecito' but listen jamsters, that could mean anything. Sourced from a f actory, sourced from a farm, sourced from the bruised fruit 取引貯蔵所s in the Montecito Tesco.

Was the jam grown, 収穫d and 厳選した in a 地元の ?strawberry patch? Did the ?duchess herself 船体 the berries, 手段 the sugar, check in the pectin and skim the scum? There is no 詳細（に述べる） ― and ?vagueness in the provenance of perishable goods is never an encouraging 調印する. If Meghan were to sell the jams as …に反対するd to ?軍隊ing them upon strangers, the ?製品s would have to be 認可するd by the U.S. Food and 麻薬行政, which is a whole ?different jam game.

Perhaps, we will learn more when the two new Netflix 文書の series about the Sussexes are broadcast next year. In one, ?Meghan will 株 the 'joys of ?cooking, ?gardening, entertaining and ?friendship' ― most of which she is demonstrably unqualified to do.

The second series finds Harry ?giving '前例のない接近 to the world of professional polo' ― the ?排除的, elitist sport few ?people care about outside polo circles.

Maybe the Sussexes could ?連合させる the two 文書の立ち往生させるs and have Meghan making 挟むs for some thunderously handsome Argentinian polo ?players while 令状ing encouraging words on their 気が狂って, too. That would bring in the テレビ視聴者s.

一方／合間, this ambitious pair of 支配（する）／統制する freaks will be ?executively producing everything, from the polo shoots to the avocado-?potting 開会／開廷／会期s to the labels on the jars of strawberry delight; ?rolling out a carefully curated, 高度に sanitised, hugely commercialised 見解／翻訳／版 of their lives for public 消費 and 私的な利益（をあげる）.

Another day, another desperate Montecito dollar. This time with jam on it.

Princess Anne gave Paul Hollywood hi s MBE this week. Which just goes to show that there is no shame in public life anymore. You can, like Hollywood, suddenly up and leave your shocked wife, run off with your Mexican chef television co-星／主役にする, then scandalously date a barmaid half your age ― and still receive one of the highest honours in the land.

I say highest. While lots of very worthy people receive MBEs, it is still the first rung on the gong ladder. How 利益／興味ing that Hollywood languishes 負かす／撃墜する there on step one, while GBBO stalwarts Mary Berry and Prue Leith are both grand Dames. Arise Sir Paul of Soggy 底（に届く）? It's not going to happen any time soon.

Emma Raducanu's 勝利，勝つ at the 2021 American Open now looks like a ?charming fluke, not a 大勝する path to Grand 激突するs

Emma Raducanu made ￡10 million last year にもかかわらず not playing very good tennis � � and not even playing it very often.

I don't 非難する Emma for this. Her riches have been 収穫d from the 肉親，親類d of 財政上の ?誘惑s that have long-bedazzled and besmirched professional tennis.

Her 勝利，勝つ at the 2021 American Open now looks like a ?charming fluke, not a 大勝する path to Grand 激突するs ― because Emma doesn't 燃やす with a 支持する／優勝者's 願望（する） to 勝利，勝つ.

She has precious little of the 解雇する／砲火／射撃 that 消費するs all 冒険的な広大な／多数の／重要なs. Look at Sir Andy ?Murray, still boiling with ?ambition at the age of 36.

The three-time Grand 激突する支持する／優勝者 had hip-resurfacing 外科 in 2019 and 決裂d ankle ligaments at the Miami Open last month, but he hopes to be 支援する at Wimbledon this year. He won Olympic gold in London 2012 and in Rio 2016 ― now he says he wants to ?compete at another Games before he retires.

What 押し進めるs Andy ever onwards? Nothing but the sheer, 血まみれの, all-消費するing will to 勝利，勝つ. And that's something Emma will never understand.

Victoria Beckham has 開始する，打ち上げるd and run a successful fashion and make-up 商売／仕事 while still 持続するing a 熟した sense of humour

Posh 攻撃する，衝突するs 50! How did that happen??

Here is a fun fact to make you feel old ― Victoria Beckham just turned 50.

What? It seems like ?yesterday when Posh was running around with the Spice Girls, her larrikin days as a pop 星／主役にする still vivid and freshly 造幣局d.

And in the 介入するing １０年間s, she has 生き残るd and 栄えるd while some of her bandmates have 耐えるd more than their 株 of abusive 関係s, 中毒の behaviours and 財政上の problems.

In contrast, Victoria has a happy marriage that has 耐えるd the 嵐／襲撃するs of life and four children who seem to love 存在 part of the family 部隊. On her ?Instagram this week, she said: 'I believe that you can be many things.

'A pop 星／主役にする, a mother, a wife, a designer . . .

'My passion has always been to dream big, then dream even bigger! Believe in yourself first ― everyone else will follow.'

She has 開始する，打ち上げるd and run a successful fashion and make-up 商売／仕事 while still 持続するing a 熟した sense of humour.

In 2015 she told Vogue magazine she gave up ?smiling 'in 責任／義務 to the fashion community'.

Happy Birthday to an amazing woman ― one who is certainly having the last laugh.

When snappers go out on a 四肢?

覚え書き to all photographers on red carpet 義務. If a 女性（の）星／主役にする is wearing a gown 分裂（する） to the hip in a design tailored to show off her 脚s, do not imagine that is やむを得ず because she wants to show off her 脚s.

It is 非，不，無 of your 商売／仕事, even though showing a 脚 is what starlets have done since Mary Pickford first turned a nice ankle at the 夜明け of Hollywood. Yet Hannah ?Waddingham had a spiky altercation with a photographer who asked her to 'show a 脚' when she was 提起する／ポーズをとるing at the Olivier Awards.

'Oh my God, you'd never say that to a man, my friend,' she complained, although to be fair, a man wouldn't be wearing a diaphanous one-shouldered gown with a thigh-high 分裂（する）. Unless they were Sam Smith or Billy Porter, in which 事例／患者 the photographer probably would have made the same request.

Yet Hannah was furious. 'Have some ?manners,' she ガス／煙d, before stalking off.

The 星／主役にする later 明らかにする／漏らすd the photographer sent her a 公式文書，認める of 陳謝. What a wimp!

Manners have 改善するd since my interview with Victoria 支持を得ようと努めるd in the 1980s. She was wearing trousers ― how disobliging! ― and the photographer asked if she could change into 'a nice skirt to show a bit of 脚'. I still wonder if he extricated his camera from his 団体／死体 parts after she'd finished with him.

I wonder how Ms Rayner, above, feels about 存在 ?patronised by her boss Sir Keir Starmer

Working-class women aren't defined by background, Keir?

The Angela Rayner 会議税金詐欺主張s and possible 選挙（人）の offences 状況／情勢 is difficult ― those who 追求する it look like ?いじめ（る）s, while her ?回避s get greasier by the minute.

If she has made an honest mistake, why not just 自白する? Decent people across the political divide could and would 許す her.

Instead, she has become the football in a much bigger game, kicked about by those with vested 利益／興味s.

And I wonder how she feels about 存在 ?patronised by her boss Sir Keir Starmer.

'We've got a 億万長者総理大臣 whose family has used 計画／陰謀s to 避ける millions of 続けざまに猛撃するs [of 税金] smearing a working-class woman,' he bellowed at PMQs on Wednesday.

Is that what Angela is to him? A useful class cipher with which to attack the 対立?

How 侮辱ing. As a working-class woman myself ― and on に代わって of like-minded working-class women everywhere ― I would like to tell Sir Keir that while we are proud of our background, it is not what defines us.

It is not where you come from in life that 事柄s most ― it is where you are going.

Prince Harry Oprah Winfrey

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