Mum Nicole cried when she met baby Ellie for the first time... and it continued for 547 days. She just didn't 'love her like they said she would'
- Nicole Cousens had 地位，任命する 誕生の 不景気 for years?
- READ MORE:??TV 星／主役にする fights 支援する 涙／ほころびs 明らかにする／漏らすing her struggle with inner demons after giving birth
Nicole Cousens cried for 547 days straight after her beautiful baby girl was born.
Excited to welcome baby Ellie, Nicole knew something was terribly wrong when she met her 熱望して 心配するd bundle of joy for the first time.
Instead of 存在 '圧倒するd with love' like she thought she would be, she had a very different and 直面するing thought: 'What the heck have I done and how do I keep this thing alive?'
The 34-year-old first time mother, from Perth, had been thrust 深い into 地位，任命する-誕生の 不景気 with no （疑いを）晴らす way out.
She knew her headspace wasn't やめる 権利 but every Google search told her she had the 'Baby Blues' which typically 沈下するs a few days after giving birth.
Nicole tried to smile in pictures after welcoming Ellie into the world but she just didn't feel the love 関係 she had been 約束d and didn't think she could look after her baby 適切に
Nicole cried for 547 days straight after her beautiful baby girl was born. Her daughter Ellie is pictured in the NICU. Her husband Shayne is with her
But as days turned to months, she began to d espair.
'I thought I was a terrible mother because I didn't love her the way I was supposed to,' Nicole told FEMAIL.
Four years on and she and her daughter best friends and she is finally the fun mum she always 手配中の，お尋ね者 to be - but it took a while.
Nicole is so scarred by the 深い mental health episode she lived through for two years her dreams of having two children, a pigeon pair, have been 棚上げにするd.
The 肌 はうing feeling she got when she heard her baby's first cry contrasted with her 願望（する） to keep her 安全な at all costs. She told her partner Shayne to keep his 注目する，もくろむs on her at all times.?
Nicole gave birth 経由で C-section - but remained 肯定的な the whole time as she had during her glorious '日光 and rainbows' pregnancy.
'I was so na?ve I thought 存在 a parent would be 平易な. I thought I would be the fun mum making toys and doing my own baby sensory activities,' she said.
救済 （機の）カム when she went 支援する to work - but she was thrust 支援する into the throes of 不景気 every time her baby got sick and she stayed home to care for her?
She was 'strangely relieved' when she was 発射する／解雇するd before her young daughter who ended up swallowing fluid at birth and had to stay in the NICU for a while. It was there that they also noticed 穴を開けるs in her heart and a 'clicky' hip they 手配中の，お尋ね者 to 監視する.?
'I went in and saw her every day but it wasn't like she was home and I had to look after her,' she said.
But this also 衝撃d their ability to 社債 - as did the を締める her daughter （機の）カム home with which kept her hips square until they developed 適切に.
In hindsight the 地位，任命する 誕生の 不景気 was （疑いを）晴らす - there were 指示する人（物）s everywhere. Even her previous mental health 問題／発行するs signalled the 可能性のある for it to develop.
Nicole's spiralling mental health meant she couldn't be the mum she thought she would be or have the enlightening maternity period she had dreamed of.?
Nicole and Ellie are best friends now - but the mum 嘆く／悼むs the period of her life where she was anxious and depressed instead of the fun mum she had 手配中の，お尋ね者 to be?
Instead she was sitting at home, experiencing sensory overload every time her baby cried and believing she was the worst mum to ever 存在する.
'I just didn't know what she needed,' she said.
She questioned her ability to 料金d baby or to keep her happy and 安全な.
'Shayne could 現実に work out what she needed much faster, knew when she was hungry or tired or needed her nappy checked. I just couldn't 人物／姿／数字 it out,' she 解任するd.
Nicole 嘆く／悼むd the 確信して woman she had once been and the dream of motherhood she'd created during those 'perfect' months of pregnancy.
'I thought we would be sitting in cafes, I was looking so 今後 to maternity leave and a ten month break,' she said.
In fact she was relieved when maternity leave ended and she had to go 支援する to her 政府 office 職業.
She explained she thought 存在 a mum would be 平易な but her partner was 現実に more attuned to bub's needs
At least there she knew what she was doing and whether she was doing it 井戸／弁護士席.
'It made our 関係 better. I 行方不明になるd her when I was at work and thought of all the fun things we could do,' she 反映するd.
Nicole didn't realise the 不明瞭 she was 直面するing was postnatal 不景気 or how ありふれた it was.
In fact Specialist Paedeatrician?Dr Daniel Golshevsky, better known as Dr Golly, explains perinatal mental health struggles 衝撃 about one in five mums.
'Having a 高度に unsettled baby or a history of mental health problems will 増加する your chances of 苦しむing. There are many symptoms but feeling numb or sad, 同様に as 過度の crying, 苦悩, 恐れる or worry are some of the most ありふれた,' he said.
The numbness, 苦悩 and sadness について言及するd by the doctor were all ever-現在の for Nicole - but （機の）カム to ahead one day when she and her now husband, Shayne, were shopping for an aircon.?
'I didn't want to go home - because she was there and it meant I would have to look after her,' she said.
'We were in the car and I just burst into 涙／ほころびs. Poor Shayne saw me crying all the time but didn't know how to help.'
It took two years for Nicole to 現れる from her 地位，任命する 誕生の 不景気 and begin to enjoy parenting?
Shayne held her and 約束d things would be okay - reminding her he was there and they were a team.
The next time her feelings took over Nicole was alone. Ellie's cries sent her into a 激怒（する）.?
'I was 叫び声をあげるing and shouting - not at her but in general - I was shaking. I called my mum and 認める I needed help,' she said.
That phone call brought the family closer.
'She had a difficult birth with me and my twin sister. and 認める her own struggles with parenthood. She was of the 世代 where it wasn't talked about,' she said.
Nicole has worked on her 関係 with Ellie every day, with things becoming easier now the youngster can talk about what she wants.
She says sending her to day care where she knew she was 安全な also helped with her mental health.
Now she and E llie are inseparable.
Nicole wants other women to realise they are not alone, and that if they are feeling the 鎮圧するing 負わせる of 不景気 and 苦悩 after birth then it could be something more 悪意のある than the 'blues'.??
Nicole and Dr Golly are both doing The 押し進める-Up Challenge next month to raise 認識／意識性 for mental health.
'The most important thing you need to remember is if you need help, help is 利用できる,' Dr Golly said.
?PANDA has a 国家の hotline 1300 726 306 and is a 広大な／多数の／重要な starting point for any parent looking for advice??
