My 最高の，を越す tips to 避ける getting stung in a 離婚, by money psychotherapist VICKY REYNAL
- Why you should never feel 有罪の about nabbing your 株 of a 年金?
- Our 専門家's 必須の advice on how to get your fair 株 - and say 'sorry'?
苦痛, loss, sadness and 怒り／怒る are only some of the feelings that 離婚 evokes. It’s a 過程 that 伴う／関わるs both 衝突 and 不確定 and fills most couples with 苦悩.
As a psychotherapist I see （弁護士の）依頼人s in the throes of their own 離婚, who are still talking of the 衝撃 of their parents breaking up many years earlier.?
That can make discussions about the 財政上の 分裂（する） fraught with コンビナート／複合体 emotions on both 味方するs.
Money is one of the 重要な 面s of 離婚 交渉s ― and it can 最高潮の場面 areas which have remained undiscussed in a 関係.
At the start of 離婚 訴訟／進行s, you and your partner might find you are in very different 財政上の positions.?
Money is one of the 重要な 面s of 離婚 交渉s ― and it can 最高潮の場面 areas which have remained undiscussed in a 関係
In 異性愛の couples, the gender 支払う／賃金 gap and the 伝統的な 分割 of childcare has 歴史的に meant the man enters 離婚 with more 資産s, a larger 年金 and greater income than the woman.
This is slowly changing but, for 簡単 here, I will assume this is the 事例／患者.
Here are my tips to help you 反映する on how you approach 財政／金融s before making choices which will last a lifetime.
Define your 離婚 客観的なs ― twice
‘I am not ashamed to say that I want her to 支払う／賃金 for what she did to us,’ a man told me. He wasn’t a sadistic sociopath, but a man in a 広大な／多数の／重要な 取引，協定 of 苦痛, feeling 完全に 荒廃させるd by the betrayal of his wife.
Because of the painful emotions that might have led the 関係 to an end, many people use 離婚 as the 適切な時期 to make the other person ‘支払う／賃金 for what they did’.
専門家: Money psychotherapist Vicky Renal
Before you ‘宣言する war’ and 乗る，着手する on the 高くつく／犠牲の大きい 旅行 that this will take you on, it’s 価値（がある） wondering: are you hoping the prize money will 補償する for the emotional 苦痛?
Making it about ‘winning the 離婚’ won’t help a p rocess that is (ideally) 捜し出すing to give a ‘fair 取引，協定’ to both parties.
離婚 is an 協定 with long 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 consequences, so it’s important to take that into account.?
Your 怒り／怒る will dissipate and then you will be left with shame and 悔いる if you have taken 活動／戦闘s that don’t 代表する the person you are and would like to be.
If you tried to put the strong feelings aside, what would be the 客観的なs that the more sensible you might 始める，決める?
It might be to have a time and cost-efficient 離婚; one that is 協同組合 more than combative; one that minimises 衝撃 on the children; one in which you both behave with 正直さ, dignity, etc.
Choose a 合法的な 大勝する that 反映するs these 客観的なs?
Many people 最終的に choose to at least try the 協同組合 大勝する first and 選ぶ for 合法的な 介入 (or a 類似の 代案／選択肢) trying to minimise both the emotional and 財政上の 苦痛 of the 過程.
But いつかs 対決 is what one or both parties choose: and if one does, it leaves the other with little choice because 協調 要求するs two people. In some 事例／患者s it’s the lawyer who advises it.
Matthew Booth, family 法律 専門家 and partner at Payne Hicks Beach, tells me that in his experience ‘there are women whose only chance to 達成する a fair 離婚 解決／入植地 is through litigation because of how uncompromising and uncooperative the husband might be in an 試みる／企てるd meditation 過程’.
If one party is trying to いじめ（る） the other into 受託するing unfavourable 条件, then litigation might be the only way to ‘stand up’ to the partner and get a fair 取引，協定.
選ぶ a lawyer who is in line with your goals
雇う a lawyer w 売春婦 is in line with your approach. The 2019 film Marriage Story 描写するs such a vivid picture of how uncomfortable it might feel to 雇う an 積極的な and combative lawyer when you are hoping for an 友好的な 過程.
The discordance creates 緊張s and 失望／欲求不満s: there will be enough of those in the room with your partner, so 避ける having them in your 関係 with your lawyer, too!
Three tips for women 離婚ing
Stand 会社／堅い: In some 事例／患者s spouses become too compliant and 妥協ing because of their sense of 犯罪 about the marriage ending
- Don’t 推定する／予想する his money to 補償する for everything
Remember: the 離婚 過程 is about 補償するing for your 出資／貢献s to the marriage and 達成する some sort of 財政上の 安全 地位，任命する-離婚 for both you and your husband.?
Money will not undo the 苦痛 or betrayal you have felt. So if you feel the 勧める to ‘take him to the cleaners’, then I would 招待する you to ask yourself if you are letting your feelings in the 現在の take over. Will you later wish you had 扱うd it 異なって?
- 財政上の sacrifices aren’t the best way to say sorry
In some 事例／患者s spouses become too compliant and 妥協ing because of their sense of 犯罪 about the marriage ending. I have seen women whose marriage broke up because they had an 事件／事情／状勢, 非難するing themselves for 存在 at a 離婚 （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する.?
Out of 犯罪, they find it difficult to make （人命などを）奪う，主張するs and 追求する 適する 補償（金） for the 財政上の sacrifices they made. This can lead to later 悔いるs.
- Don’t feel bad for taking a 株 of his 年金
While we might feel 罰金 about splitting the value of other things 平等に, such as 所有物／資産／財産s, some women find it difficult to reach into their husband’s 年金. ‘But that’s his,’ they might say. It feels like a very personal money マリファナ because the husband’s 労働 与える／捧げるd to it and it was not a 株d 資産 up to this point.
However, it remains another 資産 that a woman might have had lesser of a chance to grow than the man. For the many couples who don’t have abundant 信用 基金s to 交渉する, the 年金 マリファナ might be one of the few 資産s 利用できる to help give some 財政上の 安全 to the wife.
Three tips for men going through it
- 避ける でっちあげる，人を罪に陥れるing the 過程 as ‘存在 robbed’
When the main contributor to the family’s 財政／金融s is the man, it might feel difficult to enter a 過程 in which we are asked to を引き渡す money we worked hard to earn and men may ‘feel robbed’.
How ever, it is an implicit part of the marriage 契約 when you enter it that there is a 約束 of 財政上の 安全 should you wish to make sacrifices as a result of the 関係.
That part of the 取引，協定 許すd your partner to make those sacrifices too and now it’s 存在 upheld.
- Don’t use money as a way to say that you are sorry
Men too might 落ちる in the 罠（にかける） of self-非難する and try to 補償する for mistakes by giving too much away in a 離婚 過程.
If you’ve sought 合法的な advice your lawyer will 旗 up if you are 存在 too lenient and encourage you to rethink your choice.
You still have the freedom to make 修正するs by using money, but you need to be careful that you are not putting yourself in a 不安定な 財政上の 状況／情勢 in the long 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 by 事実上の／代理 out your 有罪の feelings in the 現在の.
You need to be careful that you ar e not putting yourself in a 不安定な 財政上の 状況／情勢 in the long 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 by 事実上の／代理 out your 有罪の feelings in the 現在の
- Be ready to 直面する an 腐食 of your 逮捕する 価値（がある）
There are many losses to be 嘆く／悼むd in a marriage. As humans we tend to value more the things we have and give up than the things we 伸び（る） (a bias called loss aversion).?
This 始める，決めるs the person with greater wealth up for a psychological challenge as they will be asked to let go of money earned, of 所有物／資産／財産s owned. It can be unsettling.
There are factors that 複雑にする this 過程 その上の: if your 逮捕する 価値（がある） has supported your self-esteem, then it will feel like more than money and 資産s have been taken away.?
For some people their 逮捕する-価値（がある） is intricately connected to their self-価値（がある）, maybe their masculinity or sense of 機関 that foregoing large chunks of it might feel demoralising.
In these 事例／患者s, part of going through a 離婚 過程 needs to 伴う／関わる starting to give meaning to the losses and 過程 them so that we don’t let the 続いて起こるing feelings drag us 負かす／撃墜する.
製図／抽選 your marriage to a の近くに
If you are getting fixated on one point ask yourself: what does it stand for? いつかs during a 離婚 交渉 people might get stuck on one item that may 危険 妥協ing the whole 過程.?
If this happens to you, it’s 価値（がある） taking a step 支援する and wondering: why is this flat or 絵 so important?
Often th is isn’t about 財政上の value, but the meaning that is 大（公）使館員d to it: it could be a portrait of little value that evokes memories of the happiest moments in the 関係.?
Or is stubbornness a 普及（する） feature of yours, ie: いつかs you get stuck on things, you become a bit obsessive and find it hard to move on?
It is also possible that letting the 交渉s drag on could be your way of not ending the 離婚 (and therefore the marriage).
The 影響 of the break-up
Once the 離婚 papers are finalised a different 始める，決める of feelings will come to the 最前部. Some will find 救済 in the 過程 and the marriage 存在 over, maybe even a sense of freedom.
Others are left angry: they 手配中の，お尋ね者 more ― and maybe more than there was money on the （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する. But 関わりなく the 結果, they might feel bereft and anxious about the 続いて起こるing changes.
Hopefully, if the 過程 of 離婚 was civilised enough, you won’t have the 付加 shame and 悔いる of the things that were said and can’t be unsaid or vindictive 活動／戦闘s that, when the dust settles, feel petty and unnecessary.?
Maybe you could have let her keep the family portrait that meant so much to her...
- Vicky’s 調書をとる／予約する, Money On Your Mind, The Psychology Behind Your 財政上の Habits, is out now with Bonnier 調書をとる／予約するs, £16.99
