Meghan's not much of an actress, says LIZ JONES, but even she's let É餫¤¹¡¿·âÄƤ¹¤ë by the HUMOURLESS TRASH that is ¹µÁÊs. So, why is the BBC ¸øɽ¡¿ÊüÁ÷ this mind-numbing nonsense?

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¡ÆYou wouldn¡Çt even know where to look without me.¡Ç?

This is Meghan Markle, giving her love Íø±×¡¿¶½Ì£ a good dressing É餫¤¹¡¿·âÄƤ¹¤ë.

In this »öÎã¡¿´µ¼Ô, however, her glassy-ÃíÌܤ¹¤ë¡¤¤â¤¯¤í¤àd Åܤ餻¤ë is ÌÜŪ¡Ê¤È¤¹¤ë¡Ëd not at a ¶²¤é¤¯ ½÷¡¿¤ª¤Ã¤»¤«¤¤²°-¤Ä¤Ä¤¯¡¿¥Ú¥Ã¥¯d Harry, but instead at her co-À±¡¿¼çÌò¤Ë¤¹¤ë, ¥Þ¥¤¥¯ (played by Patrick J Adams, who has all the macho heft of a daffodil), in ¹µÁÊs.

The TV ¹çˡŪ¤Ê ±é·à, which first ¶õµ¤¡¿¸øɽ¤¹¤ëd a £±£°Ç¯´Ö ago and ran for nine steel and glass seasons, has been snapped up by the BBC in a curious move, given it¡Çs been ÍøÍѤǤ­¤ë on Netflix for over a year, becoming the most streamed show of 2023.

Meghan Markle got her big break when she joined the cast of ¹µÁÊs in July 2011

The BBC have snapped up ¹µÁÊs even thought it has been ÍøÍѤǤ­¤ë on Netflix for more than a year, becoming the most streamed show of 2023

Meghan, playing Rachel Zane, does her valiant best but, as a reviewer commented when the BBC ȯɽ¤¹¤ëd its scoop: ¡ÆBeneath all the smart-ass ÂÐÏà there isn¡Çt a lot of real depth.¡Ç

The ¹µÁÊs wedding scene in which Meghan's character Rachel says 'I do'

Meghan was in ¹µÁÊs before she married into the ²¦¼¼¤Î Family, but she only became °æ¸Í¡¿ÊÛ¸î»ÎÀÊ-known in the UK when she she met Prince Harry - and 'paraded in a cream coat around the gardens of Kensington Palace'

We all know that Meghan was in ¹µÁÊs before she married into the ²¦¼¼¤Î Family (°æ¸Í¡¿ÊÛ¸î»ÎÀÊ, we know now - I'd never heard of Meghan until she paraded in a cream coat around the gardens of Kensington Palace.)?

And it¡Çs no longer a pre-requisite for ²¦¼¼¤Î brides to have never had a life, a previous husband, or even gainful ¸ÛÍÑ.

It¡Çs not even ÆÃ¤Ë awful that the Duchess of Sussex is seen in her bra on ¿³ºº¤¹¤ë. Having fictional sex! We are all grown up enough to separate fact from Ë໤.

No, my problem with ¹µÁÊs is that it's humourless trash, although we can¡Çt ÈóÆñ¤¹¤ë Meghan for that.

She will have taken the ¿¦¶È on the strength of a Áà½Ä¤¹¤ë.

These series are always a ÅÒ»ö. I¡Çm ³Î¤«¤Ê that when was cast in the Ìò³ä of Rachel Zane, the pencil-skirted paralegal who has a ÊúÍʤ¹¤ë ȾƳÂÎÁÇ»Ò on her shoulder, given she hadn¡Çt gone to Harvard, Meghan saw it as a chance to portray a strong ¹õ¿Í¡¿¥Ü¥¤¥³¥Ã¥È woman who takes no ¼ü¿Ís, a feminist ³Î¿®¤·¤Æ enough to expose her Victoria¡Çs Secrets.

She won¡Çt have been able to develop character or story arcs, and was doubtless happy, befor e she met Harry, to be tied into a ·ÀÌó with a dependable, lucrative salary.

The arrival of ¹µÁÊs ¸øɽ¡¿ÊüÁ÷ on the BBC iplayer some time soon will do nothing to help the »Ä¤ê¡¿µÙ·Æ¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ë of the Windsors - and will only Áý¶¯¤¹¤ë fact that our ²¦¼¼¤Î Family has turned into a ÀâÆÀÎϤΤ¢¤ë soap ¥ª¥Ú¥é along the lines of ²¦Ä«.

Were you waiting, when Meghan and Catherine ¸½¤ì¤ëd to ·Þ¤¨¤ë¡¿´¿·Þ¤¹¤ë ²ñÁò¼Ôs ahead of the Queen¡Çs funeral, for them to start ³ÊÆ®¤¹¤ëing before Íî¤Á¤ëing into a Windsor Park lake, a la Alexis and Krystle?

¹µÁÊs is just not on a par with with the work of another actress-turned-²¦¼¼¤Î in, say, ¸åÉô Window or High Society.

The ¼Á of those movies only Äɲ乤ëd sheen to the stuffy, mostly unknown Grimaldi family into which Grace Kelly had married.

Those big ¿³ºº¤¹¤ë, Oscar winning Ìò³äs °­¸­¤¤d her with a veneer of class, even though, in ¼õÂ÷¤¹¤ëing Prince Rainier's millions, she retired from »ö¼Â¾å¤Î¡¿ÂåÍý.

The bald (sorry, Haz) fact is ¹µÁÊs is leaden, with convoluted story lines and Ë¡¿ÍÁÈ¿¥¤Î¡¿´ë¶È¤Î chicanery: LA ˡΧ it is not.

Sadly, there is Èó¡¤ÉÔ¡¤Ìµ of the likeable ditzy-ness of an ƱÌÁ¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ë McBeal.

Rachel Zane is as prickly as a porcupine: ¡ÆDo you think this is a year-°ìÏ¢¤Î²ñµÄ¡¢¸ò¾Ä¡¿´°À®¤¹¤ë tan?¡Ç she snaps.

She is always ¶¼¤¹ing to ¹ðÁʤ¹¤ë anyone who slights her. If I¡Çd been Harry, ³ôing a family subscription to Netflix, ¤Ë¤â¤«¤«¤ï¤é¤º the fact on ¿³ºº¤¹¤ë she looks incredible, I¡Çd have run a country mile.

He should have worried the ·çÇ¡¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ë of humour, of even an ounce of self ǧ¼±¡¿°Õ¼±À­, wasn¡Çt in fact a brilliant piece of Method »ö¼Â¾å¤Î¡¿ÂåÍý. She was ñ¤Ë playing herself.

Meghan does her valiant best but, as a reviewer commented when the BBC ȯɽ¤¹¤ëd its scoop: ¡ÆBeneath all the smart-ass ÂÐÏà there isn¡ Çt a lot of real depth.¡Ç

For me, she has all the ·à¤Î nuance of something King Charles might ¹©¾ì¡¿¿¢Êª to ¼è¤êÁÈ¤à µ¤¸õ change. She tries valiantly to ÅÁ¤¨¤ë, as Dorothy Parker put it, ¡ÆThe gamut of emotions from A to B.¡Ç

If the Sussexes had stayed as ¾åµé¤Î working ²¦¼¼¤Îs, the BBC would not have touched ¹µÁÊs with a Á¥ À¯¼£²È: to ¿³ºº¤¹¤ë it would have been tantamount to ¸øɽ¡¿ÊüÁ÷ the final season of the ±É´§¤òÍ¿¤¨¤ë ľÀÜ¡¿¤Þ¤Ã¤¹¤°¤Ë after the King¡Çs Christmas message.

I imagine on ¿³Íý¡¤¸øÄ°²ñ this news at home in Montecito, Meghan must have been thrilled at what she will see as a piece of Ë¡¿ÍÁÈ¿¥¤Î¡¿´ë¶È¤Î, mainstream validation.

Meghan's real wedding was a little more high profile and took place in Windsor, not on ¿³ºº¤¹¤ë...

I don¡Çt agree.

The BBC ñ¤Ë wants to attract ½÷À­¡Ê¤Î¡Ë ¥Æ¥ì¥Ó»ëÄ°¼Ôs who are tired of endless sport on our terrestrial channels and are in need of a °ÌÃÖ¡¿±øÅÀ¡¿¸«¤Ä¤±½Ð¤¹ of mind-numbing, retro rogering in the stationery cupboard¡Ä

Having given myself an ice cream ƬÄË Â®ÅÙ(¤ò¾å¤²¤ë¡Ë watching all 134 episodes, ri ght up to the scene where Rachel Zane gets married, I can ÌÀ¤é¤«¤Ë¤¹¤ë¡¿Ï³¤é¤¹ that her ºÇ¹âĬ¤Î¾ìÌÌs take just 12 minutes on Youtube.

If you do ¸½¼Â¤Ë have a life.