EXCLUSIVEShe's an old chum of Kate's, µÄĹ¡¤»Ê²ñ¤ò̳¤á¤ë of her children's school PTA and runs a ¡ò15m sex party empire for the middle classes. But do Emma and her husband ever join in the orgies? ÀäÂÐ not!

Walking her cocker spaniels along the Thames towpath before the school run, Emma Sayle looks every ¥¤¥ó¥Á the typical south London yummy mummy.

Blonde, Ë­ÉÙ¤Ê and ±¿Æ°¶¥µ»¤Î (a Îó¡¿Á椰¡¿ÁûÆ°ing mate of Kate Middleton, she ¡Ä¤Ë½ÐÀʤ¹¤ëd the same Åë¾è school), in ¿·µ¬²ÃÆþ to the dogs, Rex and ¡ÊƬ¤¬¡Ë¤Ò¤ç¤¤¤ÈÆ°¤¯, the 46-year-old has three children, Ϸǯ¤Î five, seven and nine and is chairman of their ºÇ½é¤Î¡¿¼çÍ×¤Ê school PTA.

Emma's talents, though, ±äŤ¹¤ë far beyond organising a charity bake sale: an adrenaline junkie who has climbed Kilimanjaro and run ¥Þ¥é¥½¥ós across the Sahara, she is the ÁÏΩ¼Ô and CEO of »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens, a ½÷À­¡Ê¤Î¡Ë-centric sex party ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö.

»¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens ¡½ which takes its »Ø̾¤¹¤ë from a slang phrase for masturbation ¡½ has been hosting 'anything goes' ½¸²ñs for almost 20 years. It has a Á´À¤³¦¤Î ²ñ°÷¤ÎÃÏ°Ì of 180,000 and is valued at ¡ò15 million.

Emma Sayle, 46, founder and CEO of Killing Kittens, a female-centric sex party business

Emma Sayle, 46, ÁÏΩ¼Ô and CEO of »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens, a ½÷À­¡Ê¤Î¡Ë-centric sex party ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö

?Which, astonishingly, is good news for you as a taxpayer. During Covid, »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens was given a ¡ò170,000 ÂßÉÕ¶â by the À¯ÉÜ's British ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö Bank's ̤Íè ´ð¶â, »Ï¤á¤ë¡¤·è¤á¤ë up to support UK companies, and in ¸òή took a 1.5 per cent ²Ð·º¡¿ÅÒ¤±¤ë in the ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö. So, a small part of what she has created is yours.

Pitched at an ¥¨¥ê¡¼¥È clientele, »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens' ticketed ·îËè¤Î events ¡½ held at ȯÀ¸ÃÏs that ´Þ¤à Scottish ¾ës and Ãϲ¼ÁÈ¿¥¤Î cabaret clubs ¡½ have two big »ÙÇÛ¤¹¤ës. Men are banned from approaching women and also from ¡Ä¤Ë½ÐÀʤ¹¤ëing alone. »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens' USP ¡½ and the ½ÅÍ×¤Ê to its success ¡½ is that it puts women in »ÙÇۡʤ¹¤ë¡Ë¡¿ÅýÀ©¤¹¤ë.

'Growing up, men always seemed to be in »ÙÇۡʤ¹¤ë¡Ë¡¿ÅýÀ©¤¹¤ë of dating and sex,' says Emma. 'If they slept around, they were considered 'legends', but if women did the same they were no longer girlfriend ¹½À®Í×ÁÇ.

'Even in conversations with ½÷À­¡Ê¤Î¡Ë friends about sex toys there was always this sense of shame and ÅöÏÇ; I ¼êÇÛÃæ¤Î¡¤¤ª¿Ò¤Í¼Ô to flip the norm on its Ĺ¡¤Î¨¤¤¤ë and put women at the centre of the narrative where there was no judgment about making the first move or having a one-night stand.'

Ms Sayle, right, attended the same boarding school as Kate Middleton

Ms Sayle, ¸¢Íø, ¡Ä¤Ë½ÐÀʤ¹¤ëd the same Åë¾è school as Kate Middleton

²ñ°÷¤ÎÃÏ°Ì costs up to ¡ò200 a month: a »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens party sees middle-class, vetted guests in Venetian-style masks indulge in, °æ¸Í¡¿ÊÛ¸î»ÎÀÊ, whatever they fancy.

While some guests may choose to watch or flirt, others indulge in shenanigans in hot tubs, dungeons or king-sized beds ¡½ all at their own ´í¸±. Does anyone ever get Éé½ý¤µ¤»¤ëd?

'Not really, though there was one guy who took so much Viagra his whole ÃÄÂΡ¿»àÂÎ went stiff,' Emma ²òǤ¤¹¤ës. 'He couldn't even move his neck, so had to sit out for a few hours until everything was working again.'

It's an image in sharp contrast to Emma's ´·ÎãŪ¤Ë happy family life. She lives in a bungalow in a ÀŤ«¤Ê village ¶á¤Å¤¯ Staines-upon-Thames with her husband James Tindall, a former Olympic ¥Û¥Ã¥±¡¼ player (who still plays ºÇ¹â¤Î¡¤¤ò±Û¤¹-level ¥Û¥Ã¥±¡¼ for London club Indian Gymkhana) and children Raff, Lily and MJ. The house is in a scenic °ÌÃÖ¡¿±øÅÀ¡¿¸«¤Ä¤±½Ð¤¹, but ·¹¸þ¤¬¤¢¤ë to flooding. Emma's Instagram account recently showed her and James wearing wellingtons, wading through water to their home, each carrying a child on their »Ù±ç¤¹¤ë.

Killing Kittens - which takes its name from a slang phrase for masturbation - has been hosting 'anything goes' gatherings for almost 20 years and is now valued at ¡ò15million

»¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens - which takes its »Ø̾¤¹¤ë from a slang phrase for masturbation - has been hosting 'anything goes' ½¸²ñs for almost 20 years and is now valued at ¡ò15million

Home ¡Ê¥Æ¥Ë¥¹¤Ê¤É¤Î¡Ë¥À¥Ö¥ë¥¹ as her office. Covid made Emma reevaluate the need for a central London HQ; the ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö is now fully remote and ¤Þ¤¹¤Þ¤¹ run on [the messaging app] Slack. ¸¡ºº¡¿»ë»¡¤¹¤ëing new party ȯÀ¸ÃÏs is fitted around ²þ³×¼Ô Pilates classes and after school clubs, a balancing ¹Ô°Ù¡¿Ë¡Îá¡¿¹ÔÆ°¤¹¤ë that sees her working on her laptop in carparks and sports club ˸¤²¤ë¡¿Ë¡ÄÊÛ¸î»Î¶Ès, while her husband has ¥Û¥Ã¥±¡¼ training.

It all seems far ½üµî¤¹¤ëd from what you'd imagine of an orgy-organiser, but in fact, Emma has always kept a ³Î¤«¤Ê distance from the ³èÆ°¡¿ÀïÆ®. The ²¾Äê¡¿°ú¤­¼õ¤±¤ë¤³¤È from everyone she ²ñ¹ç¡¤²ñ¤¦s, be it ²ÄǽÀ­¤Î¤¢¤ë Åê»ñ²Ès or school gate mums that she is 'on the scene' herself is both tiresome, she says, and far off the ¼¨¤¹.

'People assume the only ¿äÏÀ¤¹¤ë¡¿Íýͳ I »Ï¤á¤ë¡¤·è¤á¤ë this up is because I'm a sex-mad swinger ¡½ but I've never been ȼ¤¦¡¿´Ø¤ï¤ëd.'

What never?

'N ope, not Íø±×¡¿¶½Ì£d ... ²Ã¤¨¤ë, from a ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö »ëÌî you need to be able to stand »Ù±ç¤¹¤ë and look at the bigger picture without any emotional ´ØÍ¿.'

Her ¹çÍýŪ¤Ê¡¿ÍýÀ­Åª¤Ê, she says, is that she is more Íø±×¡¿¶½Ì£d in subverting the patriarchy than in À­¤Î thrills. I can't help ¸ºß reminded, though, of the tech bosses who are making social ¥Þ¥¹¥³¥ß apps ÍøÍѤǤ­¤ë to kids as young as 13 yet don't µö¤¹ their own children to have smartphones.

Emma must know ƱÍÍ¤Ë as anyone how »¼ºing the sexualisation of our culture has been to many young women, who rather than feeling ¸¢ÎϤòÍ¿¤¨¤ëd by porn culture, feel °µÎÏd into ¸ºß up for anything where sex is ´Ø¿´d ¡½ but she gives short ž´¹ to those who see an ever-finer line between À­¤Î empowerment and a darker, hyper-sexualised society normalising casual hook-ups and the ´üÂÔ that young women should be À®¤·¿ë¤²¤ëing like porn À±¡¿¼çÌò¤Ë¤¹¤ës.

'À­¤Î empowerment is about choice, ¶­³¦s and º·É¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ë¡¦ÅÀ and Ʊ°Õ with no shame or ÈÈºá ¡½ the very opposite of ¸ºß 'up for anything'. The big problem that has ¸¶°ø¡Ê¤È¤Ê¤ë¡Ëd society to become more sexualised is that boys have more Àܶá to porn now and that's why I'm behind the movement to ¶Ø»ß¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ë smartphones for under 16s.'

At boarding school Ms Sayle (seated, far left) was a rowing mate of Kate Middleton, standing

At Åë¾è school Ms Sayle (seated, far left) was a Îó¡¿Á椰¡¿ÁûÆ°ing mate of Kate Middleton, standing?

Male dominance has riled her from a young age: her late father, the ³°¸ò´± Φ·³Â纴 Guy Sayle, who served as a Welsh Guards captain during the Falklands war, was a controlling ¤¤¤¸¤á¡Ê¤ë¡Ë, she says. When he ÀßΩ¤¹¤ë out what she was doing for a living he threw a typewriter across a room in ·ãÅܡʤ¹¤ë¡Ë. During the family's time in the Middle East ¡½ when her father was Britain's defence attach? in Egypt and Kuwait ¡½ the young Emma saw ½÷À­¡Ê¤Î¡Ë °µÇ÷ everywhere.

By contrast, the adult »º¶È she first Áø¶ø¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ëd when living it up in London as a young woman, working in entertainment PR for events ´Þ¤àing Erotica UK, seemed to ¸½ºß¤Î a more balanced dynamic. 'Whether it was burlesque ¶ÈÀÓ¡¿À®²Ìs or dominatrix ÄÄÎ󤹤롤ȯ´ø¤¹¤ës, the women were strong, in »ÙÇۡʤ¹¤ë¡Ë¡¿ÅýÀ©¤¹¤ë and knew they had their own ȯ¸À¤¹¤ë¡¿É½ÌÀ¤¹¤ë,' she says.

In many ways, the ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö has grown up with her. What she says started as a '°ÂÁ´¤Ê space' for young women to ¼Â¸³ sexually without judgment, now looks a lot more ±ß½Ï¤·¤¿ with the rise of forty-something members.

¤Ë¤è¤ì¤Ð Emma, something of a midlife sex ³×Ì¿ is under way. While »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens' big London club nights ¤ª¤â¤Ë draw 20-something young women, an older ¡Ê¿Í¤¬¡Ë·²¤¬¤ë are flocking to the events at country mansions and the pricier European soirees.

»¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens events have even been ¤Ë¤Ä¤¤¤Æ¸ÀµÚ¤¹¤ëd on Mumsnet, that cultural À²±«·× of middle-Ϸǯ¤Î, middle-class zeitgeist. And Emma Êó¹ð¡Ê¤¹¤ë¡Ë¡¿²±Â¬s a rise in long-¾Î¤¹¤ë¡¤¸Æ¤Ö¡¿´ü´Ö¡¿ÍѸì married couples whose children have flown the nest looking to 'open up' their ´Ø·¸ with a bit more panach e than the '½ÅÍפÊs in a bowl' house parties of yesteryear.

According to Emma, something of a midlife sex revolution is under way. While Killing Kittens' London club nights mainly draw 20-something women, an older crowd are flocking to events at country mansions and the pricier European soirees

¤Ë¤è¤ì¤Ð Emma, something of a midlife sex ³×Ì¿ is under way. While »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens' London club nights ¤ª¤â¤Ë draw 20-something women, an older ¡Ê¿Í¤¬¡Ë·²¤¬¤ë are flocking to events at country mansions and the pricier European soirees

°ìÊý¡¿¹ç´Ö, friends of hers who have discovered their husbands are cheating or are ´Êñ¤Ë disillusioned with sexless marriages are ¤Þ¤¹¤Þ¤¹ partying just as hard as a younger ¡Ê¿Í¤¬¡Ë·²¤¬¤ë.

'Why can't a mum-of-three have a sex life and ¼Â¸³ without shame?' she asks rhetorically. 'Women are no longer thinking they can't live without (their husbands). They're financially ÆÈΩ¤·¤¿¡¦Ìµ½ê°, don't feel on the shelf and don't feel like putting up with what they used to. Behaviour patterns are changing.'

The UK's sex party scene ¡ ½ and mainstream ÂÖÅÙs to sex ¡½ has ȯŸ¤µ¤»¤ëd, she says, since she started the ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö in 2005, Ϸǯ¤Î 27. In a ÃÏ°Ì¡¤Ç¤Ì¿¤¹¤ë-Me-Too »þÂå mindful of women's À­¤Î ¼«¼£, the stigma of a ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö linked to sex has Àã²ò¤±d, ¼çÍ×¤Ê to more ŬÀڤʻþ´ü and a rebrand.

The events Ì£Êý¤¹¤ë of the Áàºî¡¿¼ê½Ñ, which has since ³ÈÂ礹¤ëd its repertoire overseas to parties in Venice, New York and Rome ¡½ ²Ã¤¨¤ë the gay spin off, KK Homme ¡½ remains under the »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens label.

°ìÊý¡¿¹ç´Ö, a recently-³«»Ï¤¹¤ë¡¤ÂǤÁ¾å¤²¤ëd dating app and social ÌÖ¾õÁÈ¿¥ with 47,000 ·îËè¤Î ²ÃÆþ¼Ôs Ë¡°Æd as 'a dating app for the open minded' runs as a separate ¡ÊÆÈΩ¤Î¡Ë¸ºß, WeAreX (WAX) with a million-³¤±¤¶¤Þ¤ËÌԷ⤹¤ë turnover Ĺ¡¤Î¨¤¤¤ëd by Emma's ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö partner, Hadleigh Bolt, a lay ¼£°ÂȽ»ö, who started his career as an office assistant and general dogsbody for Richard Branson.

The ÌÜŪ¡Ê¤È¤¹¤ë¡Ë is to be a more ¿ÊÊâ¡¿³×¿·Åª¤Ê and respectful ²ñµÄ than the often-Í­ÆÇ¤Ê culture of dating apps, with a ¾ÇÅÀ¡Ê¤ò¹ç¤ï¤»¤ë¡Ë on sex education and good practice. Online and in-person masterclasses on stripping are on ¿½¤·¹þ¤à¡¿¿½¤·½Ð, along with complementary fizz and a »×¤¤½Ð¤ÎÉÊ to bring a notepad.

It appears she's riding a wave, but Emma ¼ýÍƤ¹¤ë¡¿Ç§¤á¤ës there are challenges. A ¼¹Ù¹¤Ê occupational hazard is attracting the wrong type of ¸õÊä¼Ô when a vacancy arises, ÆÃ¤Ë those who see joining the ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö as a ²òÊü¤¹¤ë¡¿¼«Í³¤Ê pass to 's**g around'. (It isn't ¡½ all ½¾¶È°÷s are banned from À­¤Î activity at work.)

Then there's the challenge around ¿ô»úɽ¼¨¼°¤Î marketing, ÆÃ¤Ë Â¥¿Ê¤¹¤ëing »¦¿Í¡¤ÂçÅö¤ê Kittens events when the usual ÃÅ¡¦¹ËÎΡ¦¸øÌós of Google, Instagram and Facebook À©¸Â¤¹¤ë adult content in their advertising.

Such ²ðÆþs are getting worse, says Emma, ¹ðȯ¤¹¤ë¡¿ÈóÆñ¤¹¤ëing advertisers of °·¤¦¡¿¼£ÎŤ¹¤ëing the adult »º¶È as one homogenous ½¸¤Þ¤ê, ignoring ¾õ¶·.

'Women's À­¤Î health, sex toys, porn ... we're all lumped together. The slightest flash (of nipple) and an account is shut É餫¤¹¡¿·âÄƤ¹¤ë, but where there's a will there's a way and Hadleigh is a genius when it comes to ¸ºß creative and finding a way around it,' she Äɲ乤ës.

While the pandemic ɬÁ³Åª¤Ë ¾×·âd on live events, Emma ¶¯Ä´¤¹¤ë¡¿¥¹¥È¥ì¥¹s the cash Ãí¼Í from the taxpayer was ¤¤¤Ã¤½¤¦¾¯¤Ê¤¯ about À¸¤­»Ä¤ê and more to ¶¯¸Ç¤Ë¤¹¤ë¡¿¹çÊ»¤¹¤ë¡¿À©°µ¤¹¤ë the Àª¤¤ of the ¿ô»úɽ¼¨¼°¤Î ³ÈÂç.

In the ¹ç´Ö, she has a different Æù¿Æ¡¤¿ÆÎàd of fundraising on her mind. Since Ĺ¡¤Î¨¤¤¤ëing the PTA, some ¡ò50,000 has been Äɲ乤ëd to the school coffers.

In a fitting nod to her own sporty passions, it's to be Åê»ñ¤¹¤ëd in outdoor play ´ï¶ñ¡¿È÷ÉÊ and a sports Ë¡ÄºÛȽ½ê: 'I feel really ·ø¸Ç¤Ë about getting kids outdoors and off ¿³ºº¤¹¤ës in the crazy ¿ô»úɽ¼¨¼°¤Î world we now live in,' she says.

However, the restless and ambitious Emma feels she could still do better: 'I'd have raised probably twice as much if I could use my ¾¦Çä¡¿»Å»ö ÀÜ¿¨¤¹¤ës for the school auction and raffle prizes ¡½ but then ¥¹¥Ñ¥¤¡¿¼¹¹Ô´± Provocateur lingerie and [sex toy specialist] Lelo À½ÉÊs would probably tip the village vicar over the ¿É¾¡¤¹¤ë¡¿Í¥°Ì.'