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Q I’ve known my best friend since school and we are now in our 早期に 60s. She didn’t have an 平易な childhood because her parents were やめる 冷淡な and pushy. They always 手配中の，お尋ね者 her to be 最高の，を越す of every 支配する at school and made their 失望 （疑いを）晴らす on the rare occasion when she wasn’t.
They were delighted when she became a partner in a 法律 会社／堅い at a young age and she has been very successful, partly because she is so driven. She married late but never had children, 大部分は because of the 圧力 for career 進歩. However, her husband (who is older) has been ill for a number of years and I think her 職業 is getting too much for her. I feel she would like to やめる ? and she could afford to retire ? but she says she’d be letting 負かす／撃墜する her late mum and dad because she is only 62. (Her parents both worked until their 中央の-70s although in lower-重要な 役割s.)
I’m worried about her health: she is overweight, has been complaining that she is always tired, even when she wakes up, and often has swollen ankles. How can I 説得する her to put her own needs first before the 強調する／ストレス kills her? We have been each other’s 激しく揺する through life and I would be lost without her.
A It’s so sad that your friend’s pushy parents have had such an 衝撃 on her that she is still trying to please them even after their death. Perhaps they had 類似して exacting p arents themselves or grew up in poverty and were 決定するd their daughter would have a different life. Their 需要・要求するs have even 奪うd her of children. It does sound as if your friend needs to stop working so hard. But her career has been so important to her, she may find it hard to step 支援する at first. Her work will be tied to her self-esteem and she could also 行方不明になる the structure and 決まりきった仕事. She might need professional help 同様に as your support to finally ‘許す’ herself to retire. She would 利益 from seeing a counsellor who 作品 psychodynamically (see bacp.co.uk). This approach looks at how our 早期に years 衝撃 our 現在の. Underneath her success, I’m sure, 嘘（をつく） feelings of never 存在 good enough.
Her 負わせる is also a part of this ? overeating often has its roots in emotional 苦しめる. Counselling would help her to unpick her own needs from the perceived wishes of her parents. It is also important that her GP 調査／捜査するs 医療の 条件s such as sleep apnoea.
It won’t be 平易な 説得するing her to help herself, but remind her that if anything happens to her, she will not be able to look after her husband. Manipulative as it sounds, you can also use her 願望（する） to please others as てこ入れ／借入資本: tell her that you really don’t want to see her work herself into an 早期に 墓／厳粛／彫る／重大な as you’d be lost without her.
How should I 扱う her frosty manner?
However, the problem is a couple who are some of my husband’s closest friends. The woman had been his wife’s best friend ? they’d known each other since school. She is very polite to me but I get the feeling that she doesn’t like me and I find it ぎこちない 存在 in her company. Should I just 選ぶ out and ask him to see them on his own or keep trying?
A It is not perhaps that your husband’s friend doesn’t like you, but more the 事例／患者 that she is still grieving. She will be 猛烈に 行方不明の her best friend and, unlike your partner, does not have the excitement and joy of a new 関係 to 相殺する the heartache.
You sound wonderful and caring so I am sure that this will work out with a little more time. It’s 早期に days. I 推定する／予想する that you and she might have 避けるd the topic of her friend. So the next time you are alone together, gently tell her that you 高く評価する／（相場などが）上がる how nice she has been to you (a slight white 嘘（をつく）) but 認める that it must be hard because of her loss. 招待する her to open up about her friend and say that you don’t mind 審理，公聴会 how lovely she was. Hopefully, she will welcome the 適切な時期 to talk ? and she would have to have a heart of 石／投石する not to be 武装解除するd by such generosity on your part.
If you have a problem, 令状 to Caroline West-Meads at YOU, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. You can follow Caroline on X/Twitter @Ask_Caroline_
Caroline reads all your letters but 悔いるs she cannot answer each one 本人自身で.