|
このページはEtoJ逐語翻訳フィルタによって翻訳生成されました。 |
Good news! I had been 地震ing in my Gucci slides about the last few weeks’ 価値（がある） of columns, waiting for the fallout from David 1.0, oh, and everyone else in my life.
David is bound to be furious as I wrote ‘Never again’. And that he couldn’t 解除する a マリファナ of daffodils without moaning and groaning. And that he looked like a homeless person.
Then, this morning, I received a text from him.
I read it through my fingers. ‘Hi, I have just tried to read your column but can only see the first paragraph without subscribing. Which I would rather not. I could see, though, that you are having difficulty finding your deposit, and thought maybe I could help? How much do you need? Your column last week tipped me over the 辛勝する／優位 and I went out and bought タバコ. A 決定／判定勝ち（する） I regretted すぐに. I want to やめる not just for you but for me.’
The paywall! Oh, thank the lord! It is as though I am 令状ing this column 支援する in the land before the internet.
I would say to my the n husband, who would ask me if I had written about him, as he had just received a 関心d text from his lesbian best friend, ‘No, of course not! I’ve written about Squeaky and Snoopy and their special 薄焼きパン／素焼陶器s.’ He was too lazy and too much of a cheapskate to go out and buy the paper. It was fantastic, 解放するing. I felt unfettered.
David 2.0 (Ferrari man) is 明白に not a cheapskate, as I know he still reads this column, because he WhatsApped: ‘I 行方不明になる the banter we had when you used me as column fodder, but it was fun. I used to howl with laughter. You 明確に love David 1.0, but he’s not worthy or in any way 両立できる. I don’t know why you bother.’
‘I know,’ I replied. ‘He’s hopeless.’
I have no idea what put me off David 2.0: he has just bought a beautiful house with 床に打ち倒す-to-天井 windows. He sends me photos of the 革新 of his bathroom. I think his Ferrari 存在 white not red made me not want a second date, and the fact he made me go and sit in it.
A fellow writer wrote recently, in a piece about joining a £10,000 dating 機関, that the fact the man she had been matched with had at the restaurant bagged the comfy banquette seat, rather than the spindly 議長，司会を務める, made her gag.
Are we just too fussy? Do I always choose men who are financially 扶養家族 on me so I have the upper 手渡す?
Anyway, I text David 1.0 支援する. ‘Hi D. I’m sorry my column made you start smoking again. You had 約束d not to read it. You must know you are very difficult to be around, it’s not a surprise. You never say anything meaningful. You didn’t ask about my sister, her funeral.
You didn’t even bother to walk a few yards to see Swirly, the thoroughbred, and you were here for three days. She is the only horse I have left. 存在 a partner means taking an 利益／興味 in their passion. I learned the 指名するs of your two children, remember*. I should hear 支援する on selling my next novel to the US next week; I really hope my スパイ／執行官 is not giving me 誤った hope. Again.
But, just in 事例／患者, I am selling everything I own. I think you need something to take your mind off smoking other than watching TV and obsessing over me. Thank you for the 申し込む／申し出 of help に向かって my deposit, but I couldn’t take any money from you**.’
He replies. ‘I was struggling to breathe. It really shocked me.’
Oh, dear god. So. Reading my column nearly killed him. But he still 申し込む／申し出d to give me money に向かって my deposit. Jeez. No one ever gives me anything. Now that I’m behind a paywall and this bit is 近づく the 底（に届く） of my page so he can’t see it without subscribing, I can 安全に say he is 完全に and utterly in love with me. What do we all think ? should I 提案する on 29 February?
*I’ve forgotten what the daughter is called.
**I’m not a ありふれた 売春婦
Jones Moans... What Liz loathes this week
接触する Liz at lizjonesgoddess.com and stalk her @lizjonesgoddess