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I am outside the Burberry show, held inside a marquee in Victoria Park in Hackney*, for the brand's autumn/winter 2024 collection. Disillusioned already as I have just come from a 審査 of the new John Galliano film.
Not one of the talking 長，率いるs was at his 裁判，公判. I was there, in the very room where Marie Antoinette was 宣告，判決d to the guillotine. Which pretty much sums up fashion. 無 忠義.
I am shivering in my thin 着せる／賦与するs. My lace Prada skirt does nothing to stop the 勝利，勝つd howling around my nether 地域s. My Louboutins 傷つける. No one has taken my street style photo to 地位，任命する on Instagram.
Oh no, hang on, someone has just taken a photo of my shoes. 'Oh my god!' shrills a young woman who I find out is an American fashion student. 'Vintage Loub shoe boots!' They are not vintage. I have owned them since new. They are, like me, 単に old.
I arrived 早期に, as always, and made friends ? or so I thought! ? with the burly bouncer. I was made to 列. As the night ticked on, さまざまな 非，不，無-award-winning fashion editors were tipped out of Ubers to teeter in unheeded.
They didn't even ちらりと見ること my way. Finally, two young women 現れるd （権力などを）行使するing iPads. I staggered に向かって them, 刑事 Emery-fashion, the grass having become mud. (You can read Anna Wintour's mind: 'Hackney? Really?')
'Hi! I emailed in December. I'm a 抱擁する Burberry fan. I'm a bit 早期に.'
'What 出版（物） do you work for?'
I know I look a bit different with shorter hair, but still. 'The Daily Mail and YOU magazine.'
The young woman pretends to scroll, then says, 'You are not on the 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる）. Can you please stand aside?'
I tell her I have made a 500-mile trip, 加える hotel**, to be here. So far, I have only made it into Roksanda, where I had to stand at the 支援する. Trying to get into Fashion Week is like 試みる／企てるing to 調書をとる／予約する a holiday cottage in Cornwall in 中央の-August. 'You can stream the show if you visit our website. Please step aside.'
I am 公式に fashion roadkill. There are hundreds of nobodies here. I think of former 直面する of Burberry Stella Tennant, who took her own life. I start to cry, and because I'm so tired my 膝s buckle. I don't want to create a scene, but I'm grieving for my old life as a glossy mag editor: the cars, the ever-現在の PA to smooth my path as though I were a player in a curling match. The 前線 列／漕ぐ／騒動 seat. The 商売／仕事 Amex card.
My ex gay best friend*** 警告するd that this would happen when I told him I was leaving the London Evening 基準 to join the Mail ? the 招待s would 乾燥した，日照りの up. Why does this NFI 状況／情勢 happen? It's because the Mail's writers are beholden to no one: not advertisers, not （売買）手数料，委託（する）／委員会／権限 from sales. We aren't sycophants. We're mindful of readers' hard-earned money. But oh my god, I want to belong!
I start to realise what it must be like to be Harry and Meghan. One day, you're the biggest 星／主役にするs on the 惑星. Everyone is thrilled by your presence, deferential.
The next, Michael Bubl? ignores you. Did you see that clip on social マスコミ? Yikes! 井戸／弁護士席, that was me 24 hours earlier, in the fashion pen for the Baftas. Not one 星／主役にする was brought over to me, not even Cuba Gooding Jr (he was 勧めるd に向かって me one year in place of Kate Winslet, who 辞退するs to speak to me; all
I could think to ask was, 'How long did it take you to get ready?').
I am 大部分は 同情的な to Harry in print, as I too am estranged from a sibling. We grew up together, we fought, we 株d a house (in Brixton, next door to David, with whom I fell 即時に in love). Harry flew to see his father in an 試みる／企てる to 傷をいやす／和解させる 負傷させるs.
On Monday night, 拒絶するd by my all-消費するing 最高の-busy career, 減ずるd to 存在 いっそう少なく than a nobody, told to step aside, I make a 決定／判定勝ち（する）.
I am going to 運動 to Somerset to 試みる／企てる to reconcile with my sister, who I've not heard from since October 2017. She is, after all, the only one I have left…
*I once had sex in Vicky Park.
**Not on expenses.
** *I still 行方不明になる him. We used to howl with laughter at the ridiculousness of the fashion world, 顕著に at a Puff Daddy party by the Thames.
Jones moans...What Liz loathes this week
接触する Liz at lizjonesgoddess.com and stalk her @lizjonesgoddess