The 爆発性の WhatsApp message accidentally 地位，任命するd in my group 雑談（する） that 原因（となる）d a 有毒な 列／漕ぐ／騒動 and 明らかにする／漏らすs the 危険，危なくするs of '後援 雑談（する）s'
As I read the WhatsApp message from one of my best friends, my heart started to 強くたたく.
The only one in our group 雑談（する） who’s still 選び出す／独身 was dating a new man and asked for our thoughts. ‘He seems 広大な／多数の／重要な, good for you!’ we all chorused in reply.
Then we あわてて 始める，決める up a 脱退／分離 group on the app ― without her ― to 空気／公表する our true opinions…
But her furious message showed several of us had 地位，任命するd some thoughts into the main group by mistake. She now knew the 残り／休憩（する） of us agreed he was ‘far too young’ at ten years her junior, and that there was something ‘a little off’ and ‘dodgy’ about him.
Setting up a 後援 group can lead to all sorts of trouble, 特に if someone accidentally 明らかにする／漏らすs that one 存在するs to those who are 除外するd
Welcome to the modern 危険，危なくするs of the WhatsApp subgroup, those 後援 cliques we 始める，決める up to gossip and moan about all the other people in our bigger group 雑談（する）s.
Going on a 女／おっせかい屋 do that’s running wildly over 予算? 始める，決める up a subgroup with a few of the other 女／おっせかい屋s to bitch about the bride or maid of honour, or whoever is 押し進めるing the pricey party.
In a big office group 雑談（する） with 同僚s while you all work on a 事業／計画（する） together? You’ll need a subgroup to moan about your boss or the team member not pulling their 負わせる.
And I don’t think there’s ever been a group of school mum mums who 港／避難所’t 始める，決める up a 後援 WhatsApp group.
If you’re reading this and thinking ‘what on earth is she talking about?’, I’m sorry to say it probably means you are the friend who hasn’t been 招待するd to the 脱退／分離 雑談（する） and is still 地位，任命するing in the main group, blissfully unaware that the real conversations happen どこかよそで.
But for all the 内密の joy these subgroups can bring those in the know, you really need to concentrate when using them. Fail to 確実にする you’re in the 権利 雑談（する） when messaging and you could 結局最後にはーなる with run-ins like the one above.
Her feelings 傷つける, our friend flounced and left the group in a 激怒（する）, only to ask to 再結合させる 20 minutes later. She’d been so huffy we left her to stew for three hours before 追加するing her 支援する in.
This is why I have a love-hate 関係 with WhatsApp and the countless groups and subgroups I juggle every day. I’m in so many, it’s exhausting ― and there’s the constant 恐れる that I’ll accidentally 地位，任命する in the wrong one.
同様に as groups with friends, there are others with family, 同僚s, 産業 associates ― I work in fashion ― and more 雑談（する）s 始める，決める up for weddings, holidays and social occasions, most with at least one 後援 group その上.
The writer only 設立する out she was not 含むd on a trip to a Beyonce concert when one of her friends, who was in a secret 脱退／分離 group, dropped a message about the event into the wrong 雑談（する） group
My main group 構成するs me and 11 girlfriends who’ve been friends for more than 30 years since 最初の／主要な school. にもかかわらず our 社債, there have been many 演劇s along the way, most recently when five of them 始める，決める up a 脱退／分離 group to organise tickets to a Beyonce concert last year, ignoring the fact that I’m a 抱擁する fan.
必然的に, one slipped up with a ‘can’t wait for Beyonce’ message to the main group and all hell broke loose.
Co mments from those of us who hadn’t made the 削減（する） 含むd, ‘How dare you go on a trip and not 招待する the 残り／休憩（する） of us?’ and ‘Who do you think you are with your 隠しだてする group?’, 同様に as ‘What else do you talk about in your 私的な 雑談（する）?’
It felt akin to 存在 left out in the school playground and gave me a real, if 一時的な, sense of insecurity within the group knowing I’d been 除外するd. And that’s the problem. While subgroups are a 有罪の 楽しみ for so many of us, they always carry a whiff of backstabbing or playground いじめ（る）ing. We all ended up going to the Beyonce gig in the end, after the 残り／休憩（する） of us bought tickets 分かれて?― but 緊張s were high.
And for a while, there was an element of 不信 and a sense of wondering what other groups might 存在する below the レーダ.
WhatsApp has been a menace at work, too. A few years ago, I was 存在 いじめ（る）d at the fashion company where I worked as a 買い手. I had a few mornings off work to visit my sick father in hospital, but my 経営者／支配人, a director of the company, said on what she thought was a 脱退／分離 group, but was 現実に the departmental 雑談（する）: ‘I hope her dad really is ill and she’s not こそこそ動くing off for 職業 interviews, さもなければ that would be abhorrent.’
As soon as I saw the message, my heart sunk. I’d been feeling out of place and 孤立するd in the company, and this made me feel worse. It also made me dread what else they had said in their 後援 group 雑談（する）. There was 無 悔恨 from the woman who sent the message and no 陳謝, so she 明確に meant what she’d said and stood by it.
I decided the only abhorrent thing was our 有毒な work culture and 辞職するd a few months later, having 設立する a new 職業 (on my own time).
Several weeks into my new 役割, a WhatsApp notification pinged on my phone 審査する 招待するing me to join a work subgroup with a few othe r women in my team. But I think perhaps I’ll sit this one out...
- As told to Sadie Nicolas
