Grey's Anatomy: Grey Matter

Mark Wilding on "Stairway to Heaven"...

I am going to tell you something about myself that you probably already suspect.  Which is…I don’t know any serial killers.  None.  Not a one.  I grew up in a small university town in Connecticut and our crimes ran more towards shoplifting, speeding and disturbing the peace.  No William Dunn types hanging out at the local Friendly’s ice cream parlor or exchanging warm hello’s at the Coventry Farmers’ Market.  My brushes with any kind of criminal element pretty much extended to what my younger brother, Dave, was up to that day.  Be it shooting out a neighbor’s window with a BB gun or throwing a snowball at the high school principal ? the principal for God’s sake! ? Dave was the closest thing to an actual criminal that I knew.  (Of course, to this day my brother denies shooting out the window with a BB gun.  But then, that’s what criminals do, right?  They deny.)

Anyway, you get the idea.  Bucolic small town, God-fearing folks, blah blah blah.  Except that now I’m going to tell you something that you don’t know about me.  Which is that even though I don’t know any serial killers, I do know a killer.  That’s right.  Someone who murdered another human being.  The murderer was someone I grew up with.  He was in my grade.  We went to middle school and high school together.  We even went to college together.   I even had the occasional beer with him in college.  And now he’s sitting in a Texas prison for murdering his wife.  To be more precise, for poisoning his wife with arsenic.  Which, from all the accounts I read, was a pretty horrible way to go.  And guess what?  He really was one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. 

My point being that even though I know a charming, well-mannered murderer, when Shonda floated the idea that we do our own version of a charming serial killer ? someone that we couldn’t help but like -- I wasn’t that on board with the idea.  After all, a killer’s a killer, right?  No amount of charm or politeness can mitigate THAT.  But then we got Eric Stoltz and I started to see the light.  Not all the light, but some of it.  Eric’s a great actor and very charming.  But myself and others in the writers room still weren’t convinced.  We argued back and forth about what kind of killer we should have.  Because if Meredith is going to have compassion for him, shouldn’t he at least be a guy who killed for a reason?  To defend himself?  Or to put some poor soul out of their misery?  Does he have to be someone who just killed people for no good reason?  And Shonda said he DID have to be someone who killed people for no good reason.  But, we countered, wouldn’t that reflect poorly on Meredith?  Being best buds with an utterly irredeemable serial killer??  No it wouldn’t, insisted Shonda.  Compassion is compassion.  And as Jenna Bans pointed out in her wonderful episode last week ? it’s a lot easier to have compassion for a sick person than for a serial killer.  Well, as you saw at the end of the episode last night, Shonda was right.  As horrible a human being as he was, when it came down to it, when William Dunn walked into that death chamber and looked at Meredith (and looked and looked) I really didn’t want him to be killed.  And I’m someone who’s not completely against the death penalty.  (I go back and forth.  On the one hand feeling that if you deprive someone of their life, shouldn’t you be deprived of yours?  While on the other hand, not being terribly happy about the fact that sometimes they execute the wrong guy).

The first and most obvious relationship that needs commenting on is Cristina and Meredith’s.  Yes folks, the rift is finally over.  And it ended the way most rifts end.  Not with profound apologies on either side but with the sense that this argument has just gone on too long, that life’s too short to prolong the misery.  How many great friends do you get in your life?  Like real soul mate friends?   And do you want to lose that soul mate friend over something that, a month later, now seems trivial?  Meredith and Cristina are a couple of strong personalities.  I don’t know that we could ever have gotten them to offer up mutual apologies ? with both of them shouldering a measure of the blame -- and actually believe it as an audience.  And Derek pretty much spoke for the viewers when he said isn’t it about time to wrap up the fighting -- that Meredith and Cristina need each other.  If only to freak out to each other when something really big happens.  In this case, a possible proposal.  And even though it looked like Derek might be so put off by Meredith’s charitable behavior towards William that he would never propose, we got the nice, lump in the throat, surprise at the end of the episode when Derek shows up outside the prison.  A nice surprise because a couple of seasons ago, he might have been so disgusted with her behavior that he might not have shown up.  I think that gestures shows that their relationship is really maturing.  That’s what happens in relationships.  If you want to keep it going, you forgive things that bother the crap out of you.  If you DON’T want to keep it going, you dump the person.  Or divorce them.  You should not, under any circumstances, poison them with arsenic.  That is bad.

There are two other relationships that I want to comment on.  First, Mark and Lexie.  A couple that I grow more and more fond of every week.  I loved that the humor of him breaking his penis ? it really does happen, people, you can look it up ? becomes something very moving at the end, when Lexie ignores his request to get out of his room and, instead, crawls into bed with him.  Mark has never been in such pain and she’s going to be there for him, whether he wants it or not.  On paper their relationship looks like it can’t possibly work.  He’s an attending and a man whore.  She’s an intern and all sweetness and light.  But time and again we’ve shown that Lexie’s also a lot stronger than she looks.  If she wants something, she’ll eventually figure out a way to get it.  In this case, that something is Mark.  At this point we’re not sure where this relationship is going but I promise you that this is one of those story lines that we, the writers, really want to get right.  We’re enjoying it too much not to.   

And finally, we get to Izzie and Denny.  Now here’s a story line a lot of folks have had a strong opinion about.  Starting with Denny coming back (WHAT?), Izzie finally breaking the ice and talking to him(REALLY?  REALLY??), Izzie having long conversations with him (NO WAY!), Izzie having imaginary, albeit spectacular, sex with him (OKAY, THIS CHICK IS CRAZY), and Izzie pulling a sort of modern day “Jules and Jim”, balancing the two men in her life (REALLY, HONESTLY, SHE NEEDS TO BE COMMITTED).  Anyway, I’d say that since we started the story line, opinions have run two to one against the whole thing.  Or at least they were before this episode.  Maybe now some of you doubters will be swayed.  I’m not saying EVERYONE will be on board, just maybe a few of you.  We didn’t bring back Jeffrey Dean Morgan just because he’s a super looking guy who can act the hell out of stuff, we brought him back for a reason.  Izzie is sick.  We don’t know how bad it is or whether Denny is some sort of hallucination or weird manifestation of her sickness, but now at least the thing’s on her radar.  Now she can do something about it.  So stick with us.  It’s going to be a fun ride.  After all, if I was able to come around on the whole charming, serial killer thing, you guys might just come around on this.

Jenna Bans on "Sympathy for the Devil"...

I will admit it. I have what you would call a doctor fetish, a sort of hero worship if you will. I trust them implicitly and wholeheartedly, if they say I need antibiotics, I do not question their judgment. When they tell me to pee in a cup, I dutifully hold it all day so that I can produce a sufficient amount and not disappoint them. When my husband berated me for not telling my beloved internist about a certain issue I was having, I said, “But what if he thinks it’s gross? And then doesn’t like me anymore?” You see, I lurve doctors. Because they are smarties who save lives. And I like to pretend they have all the answers to explain every possible anomaly of the human body, that they learned all these answers in a very popular med school course called “THE ANSWERS!” Sadly, this is not the case. There is no such course. And so they graduate and become doctors without having all the answers. They learn how to use good judgment to get close to the answers…and then they guess. And sometimes they’re right. And sometimes they’re wrong. And sometimes it’s too close to call, which brings me to…

Meredith’s judgment as a doctor.  Man, was it tested thoroughly tonight. When adorable serial killer Eric Stolz makes his argument, that this dying kid needs organs, that he is a match for said dying kid, and that he is about to be lethal injection toast in a mere five days, Meredith sort of… agrees. As much as she doesn’t want to agree with a serial killer, as much as Derek makes a very good argument that the guy’s trying to screw the system and it’s not their job as surgeons to help him do it…she still agrees. Because a kid is dying. Because Bailey, unflappable Bailey, is out of ideas and seems utterly broken by that. Because perfectly good organs are going to waste. So she betrays Derek and the oath she took to do no harm, and she does harm. She does harm for what she tells herself, is the greater good - and she helps a patient try to kill himself. Which is why I love Mer in this episode ? agree with her or not, she makes a bold, consequences be damned, choice in the end. She just can’t help doing what she thinks is right even if it seems so, so wrong. Even if it comes back to bite her in the ass HARD in the next episode ? and by the way, I can’t wait ‘til you all see what happens, because it is truly awesome.  She does this because, like Carolyn Shepherd points out to Derek at the end, she doesn’t just see things in black and white, she sees the grey.

Carolyn Shepherd has arrived.

Nothing was more fun on set than to watch Tyne Daly become Derek’s mom. Because she did BECOME Derek’s mom. She was tough and no-nonsense and I don’t blame Mer for being scared out of her mind. I’d wear an absurdly high ponytail too if Carolyn came sniffing around me, checking me out, making sure I was good enough for her son. But as steely as the former military nurse that raised a bunch of little Shepherd babies seems, she’s got a soft underbelly. She immediately recognizes Owen’s pain, even though he’s a fully functioning kick ass trauma surgeon, he’s not okay. He’s not over what he went through in the desert. And she sees that. She sees that Mark Sloan’s finally picked a good girl ? even if Lexie lives in an attic like a sorority girl and still drinks from a juice box. And best of all, she sees through the ponytail and the frozen robot smile and the crazy and realizes that Mer’s the one for her son. Personally, I think Carolyn spends a lot of time thinking about how Derek’s father’s death has affected Derek. I think she feels it’s hardened him, made him a man who can’t be swayed from his convictions, sometimes to his detriment. Sometimes at the expense of his humanity. And I think she sees the exact opposite qualities in Meredith. Mer doesn’t see the same line separating right and wrong that Derek does. In fact, I don’t know if she even sees a line at all. Probably more of a blurry smudge. And I think Carolyn feels Derek needs a little of that in his life, needs a little grey (ew, I know, sorry, couldn’t resist). And by the way, that scene at the end when she gives Derek the ring off her finger, and tells him Mer’s the one?? I love the way they played that scene. I didn’t script the tears or Tyne resting her head on Patrick’s shoulder…they just came to that naturally and it kills me every time I see it. Because every son has his issues with his mother, and Derek’s no exception, but at the end of the day, these two are in a really good place ? they have a pretty healthy relationship and you hardly ever see that on TV.  Speaking of which, I’m going to call my Mom right now…

Okay, now onto relationships that aren’t so normal. Izzie’s been enjoying herself lately, living it up, she’s got two boys on the hook, granted one’s dead, but she’s trying really hard not to let that bother her. But suddenly there’s all this real life drama going on around her ? Derek’s Mom is coming and Mer’s freaking out, Cristina’s getting asked on first dates, and suddenly Izzie’s finds herself living vicariously through her friends, and can’t help but notice how her own life isn’t measuring up. Sure, she’s got two boyfriends, double the doting, double the kissing, but I think this is the first time Izzie’s actually comparing them to each other. And it pretty much boils down to this - one is clumsily and sweetly asking her to road trip to Iowa to meet his mother ? and one is invisible to the rest of the world. And no matter how much Izzie loves Denny, how grateful she is to have him “back”, she has to admit, in the end, there’s no future with Denny. And there is one with Alex. And it kills her to do it, but she takes action, she chooses Alex. And I’m really proud of her for that. I love the break-up scene, because Denny may not be real, may not even be alive, but in that scene, he still gets dumped, he still gets the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech from Izzie. Which, and I may be in the minority here, was a little funny to me. In a sad/funny way. Because you can see on his face in that moment he sort of can’t believe she dumped him. CAUSE HE’S DEAD.  But she did. Even dead guys get dumped. Now the next move’s up to him…

Cristina and Owen are really having a rocky time of it, aren’t they? Boy meets Girl, Boy kisses Girl, Boy goes off to War and comes back all effed up, Forgets who Girl is, Remembers Girl, Asks Girl on Date then shows up Wasted.  Now Cristina’s still not talking to Mer, still blames Mer for not having her back in the whole interns gone wild debacle, but if things were normal between them, these ladies would have A LOT to talk about. Like the fact that Owen asked Cristina on a date and then showed up drunk. (But, if you noticed, still brought beautiful flowers - even intoxicated, Owen’s still the consummate gentleman) And the fact that he then proceeded to get in her shower FULLY CLOTHED and tell her about his best surgery ever ? which was pretty much a tragic horror story. It’s becoming pretty clear that this guy has been deeply broken by his Iraq experience, and I think Cristina’s finally realizing the extent of the breakage. But it’s not gonna scare her away. Because it takes a lot to scare Cristina Yang. And because she feels drawn to Owen, despite the warning signs of trouble ahead, despite him wearing shoes in her shower, and when she gets in the water with him at the end, we see something on Cristina Yang’s face that we hardly ever see ? the complete absence of judgment. Total acceptance of Owen, battle scars and all. Because we all know that when it comes down to it, when it counts, Cristina’s anything but a robot. For me, that was probably the most important scene in the script to get right. And Jeannot, our amazing, adorable French director with his adorable French accent, nailed it. (to be perfectly honest, he could have shot his own toes for 42 minutes and I probably would’ve loved that too ? seriously, he’s that adorably French) Kevin and Sandra nailed it too. And even though Kevin had to stand in a freezing cold shower for about three hours in an Armani suit, he did not complain ONCE. That guy is game.

Anyway, back to the white coats.

I suppose you could argue that they’re just human, just like the rest of us. They don’t rely on super-powers, they rely on years of training and educated guesses. But I will not stop obsessively loving/stalking them and here is why. The thing that blows my mind is that they have to trust their own judgment, every day, make snap decisions and go with it ? and when a life is on the line ? that takes guts.  When was the last time you ordered a latte and didn’t immediately wonder if you maybe wanted a cappuccino instead? For me, it was this morning and if people’s lives depended on me making timely, confident decisions and not looking back… well, they’d be dead as doornails. So I’m gonna go ahead and say that while they may not be gods, they may not be flying around in capes, the people in the white coats are still pretty damn special. And yes, maybe just a little more special than the rest of us. 

Debora Cahn on "Wish You Were Here"...

Original Airdate: 1-8-09

Cristina and Meredith are fighting.  I hate it when they fight.  They’re so damn miserable.  You’d think maybe they’d enjoy it.  Worthy opponents, squaring off.  Throw down of the century.  But no.  Not even Cristina, who usually relishes the opportunity to tear anyone a new one, seems like this is just eating away at her soul.  Where’s the sense of fun?  Of sport?  Can’t they try to get into the spirit of it?  No.  They both look kind of oxygen deprived.  And that’s really what it’s like.  You go through something like surgical residency ? it’s a program designed to almost kill you.  Like boot camp, but it goes on for years.  How do you get through it?  For Mer and Cristina, you survive by having a person by your side ? minute by minute, trauma by trauma.  Someone who will make you laugh when you have part of a dead person’s lymph node in your hair.  Someone who will tell you your attending’s a brainless chinless douche bag when he’s just spent twenty hours explaining why you’re a moron.  Someone who’s in it with you.  And without that someone ? it’s just torture.  The days are grueling.  The work is relentless.  The satisfaction is nonexistent.  It’s miserable.  Without your other half… it’s like breathing without the oxygen.  But Mer’s got Derek, shouldn’t that help?  Not really.  It’s not the same kind of other half.   He’s there for her when it’s all over, but he’s not in it.  He may remember what it was like to be a resident, but probably it’s like women who go through labor.  It sucks just badly enough that something in your brain makes you forget.  It’s hazy for Derek, the days in the trenches.  He’s probably grown a little nostalgic about it.  He can’t remember what it was really like. 

And Owen… wouldn’t it be great if Cristina had Owen to turn to?  Sure, he’d be like Derek ? not a replacement for Meredith, but still.  He’d be something.  Wouldn’t we all feel a little better?   So why can’t he get his damn act together?  Why is he so damn hot and cold all the time?  Why?  He’s big and strapping and gorgeous and brilliant and capable and strapping and gorgeous, why is he such a basket case?  Cristina doesn’t trust people.  She just doesn’t come to it naturally.  But here he is, holding out a hand, or at least a cup of coffee.  She decided to let him in… and every time she comes to him in a moment of need, he’s totally checked out.  Don’t you want to just smack him upside the head? 

And while we’re smacking people upside the head… CHIEF RICHARD WEBBER.  WHAT THE @#$%?  I think that’s the real problem, for everyone, on this particular day.  The Chief has checked out.  He’s on strike.  Gone.  It’s like the center of gravity stopped pulling, and everyone’s about to slip off the face of the planet.  Bailey, for a change, is the only one who really notices what’s going on.  But there’s not a whole hell of a lot she can do about it.  He’s known his hospital dropped to #12 for weeks.  But he never really looked at it.  Never really felt what it meant.  It was a number somewhere on a chart.  It sucked, but it didn’t change anything.  Right up until Jordan Kenley dropped dead on a patient’s bed (that poor traumatized child) and the Chief discovered no good pediatric surgeon wanted to come here and take his place.  Devastating.  The Chief’s never experienced anything like that.  He never had to ask, never mind beg, surgeons to come to this hospital.  They were clamoring at the door.  And now… people don’t want to work here?  Add him to the list of people who are trying to walk the halls without oxygen.  Except he had the good sense to lie down, in a dark room, and put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. 

And Derek.  Saving the life of a serial killer.  When all he can do is look in the guy’s eyes and imagine the face of the man who shot his dad. 

And Mark Sloan… Mark Sloan who could always find happiness, or at least some brief gratification, in an on-call room, with pretty much anyone, but certainly with Callie, Mark Sloan is falling, hard, for the Littlest Grey.  And his conscience, which has always been buried pretty deep, won’t let him have her.  He betrayed Derek once.  It was a biggie.  And he can’t do it again.  Despite the fact that Lexie’s trotting around him like a happy puppy.  He can’t go there.  Won’t.  Talk about lack of oxygen…

People are having a really crappy day. 

Except Izzie.  Who couldn’t really be happier.  So she hangs out with a dead guy, it’s a detail.  She’s got the two loves of her life by her side.  And they’re kind of getting in a pissing contest with each other, where the best way to win is to impress her in the sack.  Or in an exam room.  Really anywhere with a horizontal surface.  So she’s a friggin whack job, she’s having a great time.  And Alex, who thankfully has had enough crazy women in his life that Izzie’s confession about seeing dead people strikes him as pretty close to normal… Alex is cool with it.  That’s the nice thing about being raised by a boozer and a junkie, it takes a lot to flip you out. 

So… to the skeptics… to those who wonder why we let this woman spend her time with a dead guy,  A DEAD MAN, WE SAW HIM DIE, WE’RE REALLY QUITE SURE HE’S NOT THE KIND OF PERSON YOU SPEND TIME WITH… It makes her happy.  And she’s the only one who is.  She wished he were here.  And her wish came true.  That’s supposed to make you happy.  It often doesn’t.  Be careful what you wish for, and all that.  But sometimes it does.  Sometimes it makes you really happy.  So he’s dead.  Why get bogged down in the details?