Redwood the quango slasher, as happy as a porker in mud
Last updated at 09:28 14 January 2005
Off to the 保守的なs' minimalist new HQ above a coffee shop in London. Michael Howard and - ping! - a sparkly-注目する，もくろむd John Redwood 手配中の，お尋ね者 to tell us how they could 廃止する 168 public 団体／死体s and save the country more than four billion quid.
There had certainly been an economy 運動 in the room where the two men appeared. The 始める，決める was creditably sparse. A frail, oblong piece of paper carried the plain-printed スローガン 'Value for Money'. It looked as though it had come from a 続けざまに猛撃する Shop or the 取引s 貯蔵所 at Woolies.
Behind a white, self-議会 （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する was a white, plastic 議長，司会を務める, a combination which may have last seen use in the 尋問 部隊 at Guantanamo Bay. The only 譲歩 to 高級な was a beaker of still water which had been placed on a transparent lectern.
労働 always goes in for warm purples and pinks and pop music, but the Tories are plainly going for the ascetic 投票（する）. Is 宗教上の Island a swing seat? Mr Redwood took the interrogator's 議長，司会を務める while Mr Howard had first go at the lectern. The Tory leader made a きびきびした little speech about 税金 and 官僚主義.
The Civil Service was now "the size of Sheffield", he said, and "there are more people in the Department for Work and 年金s than there are 兵士s in the Army". They're a darn sight more 脅すing than the 黒人／ボイコット Watch, too, some of those leftie heffalumps who work in the さまざまな 出口s of Superstate Britain. If Sandhurst is now not an 選択, perhaps Prince Harry せねばならない join a 割れ目 連隊 of the 利益s 分割 as a 訓練生 '（弁護士の）依頼人 事例／患者 労働者'.
After 引用するing Arnold Schwarzenegger - "we don't have a 歳入 problem, we have a spending problem" - Mr Howard 述べるd the '黒人／ボイコット 穴を開ける' of 労働's spending waste. This （機の）カム out, sheer 視察官 Clouseau, as '黒人／ボイコット heauwle'. Peter 販売人s would have been proud of that dipthong. Then Mr Howard swopped places with Mr Redwood and things became even merrier.
Mr Redwood approached the lectern with a slow, rol ling walk and grabbed 持つ／拘留する of its 辛勝する／優位s as though he was about to try and 引き裂く it from the 床に打ち倒す. After a 星／主役にする at the audience he started to talk about "the 団体／死体s that we can やめる easily do without". Yikes! Was this another line from Arnie the Terminator? Was he about to go on the rampage with an (a)自動的な／(n)自動拳銃 ライフル銃／探して盗む?
As far as quangos go, the answer is yes. A long 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） of organisations was produced, all of which will be zapped if the Tories 勝利，勝つ the 選挙. So it will be 出口 the 負かす／撃墜するing St 戦略 部隊, a P45 for 職業 Centre 加える, the end of the road for the （売買）手数料，委託（する）／委員会／権限 for 統合するd 輸送（する）, and 木材／素質 for Forest 企業 England. Hooray? Maybe.
Although they want to 捨てる these outfits, many of their meddlesome 機能（する）／行事s will be 保持するd, 存在 簡単に 再任命するd to different parts of Whitehall. Mr Redwood is loving every moment of his 役割 as the Tories' quango slasher. Here is a man happy in his work, a porker in mud, a hippo in its 押し寄せる／沼地, a dung beetle at the Horse of the Year Show.
I 表明するd a smidgen of 悲しみ that the Met Office could be outsourced. Nonsense, cried Redders, with a look of snorting 不信. Onwards we should 圧力（をかける）, he made （疑いを）晴らす, に向かって the uplands of efficiency and 企業!
Ah, but will the privatised Met Office give us a rebate if they get their 予測（する）s wrong? Some 有望な 誘発する 手配中の，お尋ね者 to know how all this 規制緩和 and 緩和するing of the 明言する／公表する fitted with the Tories' support for ID cards.
Mr Redwood's 激しい 注目する，もくろむs flickered before his brain identified a 解答 and he said that was a 事柄 for a different 影をつくる／尾行する 大臣.
Within a moment he had returned to the 主題 of the day. "This is Thursday - it's a 広大な／多数の／重要な day," he cried. Not for quangocrats, it wasn't.
