Ugly Sister Gordon in Cinderfella

The pantomime starring Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and the new Tory leader, David Cameron, would be hilarious if it wasn't our real 政府 that we were laughing at.

In Cinderfella, Smiling Tony and Gurning Gordon are political sisters - one pretty, the other ugly. The former is vivacious and charming, albeit a little rough now in bad light; the latter has always been brooding and dour, and hasn't 改善するd with age.

Tony doesn't want to go to the next ball and was 推定する／予想するd to give his ticket to Gordon, but along （機の）カム Dave, from a 競争相手 family, who looks and sounds like a younger 見解／翻訳／版 of Tony.

Should pretty Tony become ugly Gordon's dresser, 努力する／競うing to make him look pretty for the ball? Or leave Gordon to his own devious 装置s, letting him and Dave fight it out at the ball over Prince Charming? Or - a bring-負かす／撃墜する-the-house 陰謀（を企てる） 新たな展開 - change his mind and go to the ball himself, leaving Gordon sulking in his finery?

Having 宣言するd that he's retiring during this 開会／開廷／会期 and won't fight another 選挙, Blair doesn't say whether this will be in a few weeks' time or just before the next 選挙. Result: Utter 混乱 の中で the comrades.

Now some 支持者s beg him to change his mind about going. Some think 労働 has a better chance of seeing off Cameron and a resurgent 保守的な Party with him, not Brown, as leader, にもかかわらず Blair's fading charms.

Brown itches to destroy Cameron, whom, as a class 軍人, he'd like to portray as a 特権d posh boy 公然と talking compassion while 個人として planning to 削減（する） the throats of the poor.

Given his own pampered background, Blair can hardly 可決する・採択する this line. Besides, Cameron has 約束d to co-operate in getting 重要な 法律制定 important to the 総理大臣's "遺産／遺物" through the ありふれたs. What a thoughtful boy. As with all good pantomimes, Cinderfella's 'surprises' are events we half 推定する／予想する. For Blair, Brown is a bigger enemy than Cameron. Is that a surprise ? Not really.

Brown has 毒（薬）d Blair's 首相の職 by putting it about, from 早期に on, that he was former leader John Smith's chosen son. He has also encouraged, or failed to 否定する, stories 説 that Blair, having tricked him out of the leadership during a famous dinner in Islington, later 取り消すd on an 協定 to move aside for him.

Blair says there was no 取引，協定. Brown's 支持者s say さもなければ. Who to believe? What we know for sure is there should have been no 取引，協定. We elect our leaders, not decide who they'll be in chi-chi restaurants.

労働 chose Blair because they thought he had a better chance of winning for them once, twice and three times. Even now, when he has been 削減（する） 負かす／撃墜する to size with a 減ずるd 大多数, isn't that still true if he chose to run?

So, does Blair 借りがある the 首相の職 to Brown? Not at all. It's true our economy has ticked along nicely while he has been （ドイツなどの）首相／（大学の）学長. But how much has that to do with Gordon? He always says 外部の 圧力s are to 非難する for our 会計の shortcomings. We've woken up to the fact that the same might be true of our successes.

Now he's 非難するing 外部の 軍隊s because a 黒人／ボイコット 穴を開ける appears over the 量 he's spending and what he's taking in 税金. We might have believed him if we didn't know about him 事実上 殺人，大当り the 私的な 年金 産業 by siphoning £5 billion out of it ever year.

Not to について言及する his 最新の scam: encouraging about-to-retire taxpayers two years ago to think they could buy 所有物／資産／財産 and other goods 税金-解放する／自由な as part of their 年金s, then pulling the rug from under them by 説 this wouldn't be 許すd after all. Nice!

What's the moral of the Blair, Brown, Cameron pantomime? Perhaps it is that a perky sister from one family may not feel she has to 援助（する） and 扇動する her own ugly sister to pull Prince Charming. Instead, she can concentrate on the 遺産／遺物 of her own three previous 外見s and let a gal from a 競争相手 family, friendly to her 目的（とする）s, compete on a level playing field.

S ome will say: "It doesn't 事柄 - Gordon Brown will become 総理大臣 anyway." To which others might 答える／応じる: "Oh no he won't!"

上院議員 Eugene McCarthy, who has died 老年の 89, did more than most 政治家，政治屋s to talk America out of the Vietnam War, but he was far too unworldly and poetic to become 大統領. He could be shrewd, though. Once, 解任するing the prospects of 右翼 上院議員 Barry Goldwater, a 共和国の／共和党の 競争相手 for the 大統領／総裁などの地位, he said: "Goldwater's from Arizona. At high noon there, it is difficult to distinguish the white horse of victory from the pale horse of death."

First we were told that Prince William's 160-mile "joyride" on an RAF jet trainer cost £20,000 to 選ぶ up a pair of boots from Sandhurst. Now it's said to be more like £50,000, because he has enjoyed other 強硬派 flights 同様に as sorties on RAF ヘリコプターs. We're supposed to be indignant because such trips "否定する 飛行機で行くing time to RAF 職員／兵員". That sounds like rubbish. 新聞記者／雑誌記者s frequently get to 飛行機で行く in RAF jets. Are they 否定するing RAF 職員／兵員? I'm all for keeping an 注目する，もくろむ on pampered princes, but this is just silly.

Carol singer

Fresh from her victory in I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Carol Thatcher lays into her twin brother, 示す. She doesn't speak to him these days and says she doesn't even know where he lives.

As for his 最近の adventures in Africa, she says: "I was 狼狽d at the 傷つける and worry Mum was 苦しむing because of 示す's 関与 in the Equatorial Guinea 陰謀（を企てる）. I was annoyed with my brother for getting embroiled in it, but my main 関心 was our mother... I know how terribly it worried her."

I don't think much of Carol for spitting on her brother. It's 一般的に said 示す 偉業／利用するd the Thatcher 指名する in 商売／仕事, but hasn't Carol done the same in her マスコミ career? It's a 事柄 of degree, I suppose.

Their mother must have regretted 示す's activities in Africa and the 決裂／故障 of his marriage, but she can't have been overjoyed about Carol's own long, 十分な説得力のない dalliance with a ski teacher, 同様に as becoming the first Prime 大臣の daughter to pee on a TV show.

It'll just have to go

Little Britain is said to be いっそう少なく funny than it was. I think it's because we're more used to its crudity. Offence has been taken at the scenes in which an old woman played by cross-dressing David Walliams 苦しむs from incontinence in public places. We see and hear it. I think it would have been funnier - and いっそう少なく 不快な／攻撃 - if we didn't see it.

Bruce Forsyth, 77, prances の上に 厳密に Come Dancing with pouting co-presenter Tess Daly, 34.

Once 述べるd as "Uriah Heep on 速度(を上げる）", he winks, ogles, makes suggestive 発言／述べるs, does a soft-shoe shuffle and 一般に 行為／行うs himself

as God's gift to womankind while at the

same time signalling it's all a joke, that he's not really big-長，率いるd and that no one should take his antics 本気で.

My girlfriend cries out: "It's so sexist. Can you imagine them 許すing a woman of his age to prance around with a toyboy co-host?"

It's true, but somehow he gets away with it. Belying her 親族 青年, 行方不明になる Daly plays the grown-up in their 共同, pretending to 嘆き悲しむ his laddish exuberance, arching her 罰金 eyebrows at his appalling 二塁打 entendres.

How it 傷つけるs when a 兵士 poet 攻撃する，衝突するs the 的

Pity the 軍隊／機動隊s in Iraq as this 血まみれの year moves to a の近くに.

によれば retired 外交官 Sir Jeremy Greenstock on TV yesterday: "The 暴力／激しさ is 堅固に守るd. It will take many years to go."

If the past is any guide, Americans may 推定する／予想する 大統領 George W. Bush to 減少（する） in so that he can be photographed carving a turkey in a we ll-保護するd mess. Perhaps Tony Blair has a 類似の stunt in mind. The 狙撃 of innocent Iraqi 非軍事のs, the 拷問 of 囚人s, the 汚職 of a war machine that piles 利益（をあげる）s sky-high from oil and services means this is a war without recognised heroes.

Bush and Blair speak of sacrifice, but doesn't it always sound like a word to get them off the hook?

There are heroes but, as in the 事例／患者 of most 人気がない wars, we never hear of them. So I was surprised to come across a 調書をとる／予約する of poems about Iraq by an American 歩兵 who served there.

Here, 弾丸, by Brian Turner (www.alicejamesbooks.org) 以前は with the 3rd Stryker 旅団 戦闘 Team, 否定するs the idea that all US grunts are unthinking, thoughtless 殺し屋s. One poem, called The 傷つける Locker, implores:

Believe it when you see it.

Believe it when a 12-year-old rolls a 手りゅう弾 into the room.

Or when a 狙撃者 punches a 穴を開ける 深い into someone's skull.

Believe it when four men step from a taxicab in Mosul

to にわか雨 the street in 厚かましさ／高級将校連 and 解雇する／砲火／射撃. Open the 傷つける locker

and see what there is of knives

and teeth. Open the 傷つける locker and learn

how rough men come 追跡（する）ing for souls.