Sorry, but only Wags, chavs and hookers go topless these days

By JOAN COLLINS FOR MAILONLINE
Updated: 22:52 BST, 8 August 2008

Joan Collins, with husband Percy, and her Very Large Hat in St Tropez

St Tropez si lly （土地などの）細長い一片-負かす／撃墜する season is upon us once again, but this time it looks as though many women are deciding to cover up rather more than they used to.

This is surprising because, after all, it was the Riviera that started the topless rave.

It was at the Cannes Film Festival in 1965, that a group of young starlets whipped off their 最高の，を越すs in an 成果／努力 to 捕らえる、獲得する マスコミ attention, and when a French 法廷，裁判所 決定／判定勝ち（する） 許すing topless sunbathing spurred them on, the French began taking their 着せる／賦与するs off at a velocity that rivalled 吊りくさび Hamilton.

Then Brigitte Bardot stepped out at the Byblos in St Tropez in 1967? -? and from there on it became the sartorial symbol of the young and beautiful to dress or undress as they chose.

Soon after, the hippie movement embraced it and 発展させるd into a 祝賀 of 原始の dress? -? at Woodstock, nipple decoration became all the 激怒（する） and the 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 '解放する／自由な love' was coined.

And so it continued, through feminists 燃やすing their bras, streakers flashing, Pamela Anderson and finally to Borat in his male monokini thong, although that may have given the French an inkling that things had finally gone too far.

主要な French academic and philosopher Dr Guy Fournier has 適用するd his intellect to this somewhat perplexing 傾向 of why going topless suddenly seems unfashionable.

'In フラン, we've always had a relaxed 態度 に向かって topless women,' he says.

'明らかにする breasts are 見解（をとる）d as a 全く natural 明言する／公表する on the beach.

'But public morality follows people's 信用／信任 and 楽観主義 in their wealth and lifestyle.

'During an 経済的な 下降, women are いっそう少なく inclined to let it all hang out and more likely to cover up.'

No small wonder, then, that most of the swinging breasts a la plage seem to belong to women from the Far and Middle East.

I agree with Dr Fournier as regards fashion: whenever countries enter a 後退，不況 period, hemlines go 負かす／撃墜する and more ladylike 着せる／賦与するs are 流行の／上流の again.

In the 早期に Twenties, after World War I, flappers' skirts zoomed above the 膝 as 繁栄 and 楽観主義 grew.

Sex symbol Brigitte Bardot looked fantastic in a 明らかにする／漏らすing bikini

Then in 1929, when the 広大な／多数の／重要な 不景気 攻撃する，衝突する, hems 急落するd to the ankle again.

After World War II, skirts 発展させるd to long and billowy and stayed that way until the Swinging Sixties, when they 発射 way, way up.

It will be 利益／興味ing to see what the 全世界の credit crunch does to our 着せる／賦与するs, but perhaps even more so what would happen if they ever get rid of 後退，不況 altogether.

By contrast, in a 最近の article in Le Monde a French 新聞記者／雑誌記者 wrote 'Bikini, Burkini or Birthday 控訴?' and asked if the world is returning to Old-World- style prudishness.

'In 確かな 部門s of French society, under 連合させるd 圧力s from 宗教的な groups, the American 影響（力） and the Left with PC leanings, this has already happened,' he wrote.

He also pointed to the change in how 製品s are now advertised.

In フラン, it used to be that 明らかにする breasts were celebrated everywhere.

You only need compare the 現在の adverts in any glamour magazine with those of just last year to see that a degree of demureness is evident.

Maybe it's the credit crunch, the new modesty or maybe it's the nagging 危険 of 肌 癌, which haunts us 定期的に, thanks to 宣伝s, 商業のs and 恐れる-inducing articles in the 圧力（をかける）.

The fact is that 肌 癌 is on the rise (I know several people who have had malignant and benign tumours 除去するd, and the lesions are unsightly), 特に in places like Australia, where sunning yourself 事実上 all year 一連の会議、交渉／完成する is the vogue, and also on the beaches of Malibu and Miami.

Oscar winning actress Catherine Zeta-Jones and her Joan Collins-esque VLH

I'm a bit of a sun bunny myself, and although I wear 肌 保護, I'm 井戸／弁護士席 aware that for it to be really 効果的な against 肌 癌 or other 脅しs you need to reapply it every half hour, a drag to say the least.

Besides, I want a tan on my 団体／死体, so I get some rays for an hour or so each day, lying beside my pool in St Tropez.

However, I keep my 直面する 保護するd 全く with SPF 15, 創立／基礎, shades and a Very Large Hat.

A few years ago, I was 事実上 the only woman on the beaches and in the outdoor restaurants wearing a VLH, but I've now noticed that more and more women are covering their 長，率いるs with them, whether for 保護 or fashion I don't know, but either way it 作品.

Catherine Zeta- Jones looked 広大な／多数の／重要な last week in a VLH.

But it's not just the 新規加入 of a hat.

The way the ladies of St Tropez are dressing is changing.

The skimpy let-it-all-hang- out bikinis and shorty- shorts that show half the buttock-cheeks are now 限定するd to 存在 worn by Wags, chavs and hookers.

As for going topless, as one young starlet recently 発表するd: 'Only sluts go topless now.'

I must agree with her, 追加するing 'and unattractive 女性（の）s' to the 声明.

観察するing life on the beaches of the Cote D'Azur and Pampelonne, I've noticed that it's the chunkiest and blubberiest of what used to be called the fairer sex who now saunter about the beaches and loungers 全く topless.

The fact that their poitrines are no longer 会社／堅い or pointing skywards seems of no account.

Proudly they parade, saggy bits hanging に向かって the ir navels, their 態度 seemingly to assent defiantly: 'If you've got it, flaunt it.' To which I think: 'You don't, and please don't.'

現実に, these beach parades of past-their-sell-by date flesh are a 高度に 効果的な diet, as it やめる 率直に puts you off your salade nicoise.

But as more women go for the demure one or two-piece 衣装, a la Helen Mirren and even yours truly, the expanse of naked, charred 団体／死体s on the いっそう少なく salubrious beaches of the Riviera seems to have 増加するd.

It's almost as if the more chic you are the いっそう少なく you （土地などの）細長い一片 off, so in Club 55 and Tahiti Plage the ensemble is VLH, a わずかに see-through embroidered Kaftan, worn with a belt, some beach baubles on wrist and neck and big 黒人／ボイコット shades.

In the Seventies, everyone strutted around the beaches and 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業s in the teeniest of bikinis with dozens of silver, gold and 民族の chains around their neck, ankles and wrists and just a bandana wrapped over the 長，率いる.

Wayne Rooney's wife and famous Wag Coleen McLoughlin in a tiny bikini

Cher epitomised that look one day at Club 55 and was 絶対 素晴らしい.

It must have taken hours to co-ordinate (I know, I used to do it, too) but the result was oh-so-glam, then.

A few years earlier, one might have glimpsed beautiful Bardot in the St Tropez port in her almost virginal pink and white checked gingham shorts and 最高の，を越す, her hair looking beautifully tousled, as if she'd just fallen out of bed.

Everyone tried to copy that look then.

The beehives were even loftier than Amy Winehouse's.

But, unfortunately, the change doesn't seem to 適用する to many of the men today.

With the heat 必然的に comes the striptease, but instead of 'Get 'em orf', I want to yell, 'Put 'em on!'

The sight of (these particular) men's naked, sunburned scarlet torsos parading around on holiday is enough to terrify little children more than ヒース／荒れ地 Ledger did in Batman.

We might consider a PG 率ing.

The worst 違反者／犯罪者s, need I say, seem to be fat men. They swagger around, beer bellies thrust to the fore, man-boobs jiggling, showing a 完全にする 欠如（する） of 当惑 or, much いっそう少なく, dignity.

At the Carlton Beach restaurant in Cannes recently, I watched in horror as throngs of massively stomached men unabashedly strolled to their smart （米）棚上げする／（英）提議するs under the umbrellas.

Many of them had so much hair on their chests, 支援する, 武器 and 手渡すs that they could have kept the hairdressers at Vidal Sassoon 雇うd for weeks.

Sun-drenched beer-bellied men are not an attractive sight for Joan Collins

And some, yes, ridiculous as it may seem and to my 最終的な disgust, wore Speedo's, the ultimate no-no unless you're competing in the 100m 自由型 at the Olympics.

And all of these guys had breasts, as if 事柄s could get worse.

Not just little fatty deposits that time and gravity leave behind, but 抱擁する dangling udders of bovine 割合 that could have used a 40FF bra of 増強するd Kevlar and still might 井戸／弁護士席 struggle under the 緊張する.

Not a pretty sight.

One memorable one had the word RUSSIA tattooed across his 支援する, 設立するing his roots and giving proof 肯定的な of Dr Guy Fournier's axiom? -? there is no credit crunch in Moscow.

So will the （激しい）反発 against going topless spread?

井戸／弁護士席, St Tropez is considered to be the essence of 冷静な／正味の, and the fashions that begin here undoubtedly filter 負かす／撃墜する to the High Street come next summer.

Will young girls 引き上げ（る） their skirts to upper thigh 限界 and totter about in 7-インチ 壇・綱領・公約s?

Will the VLH 攻撃する，衝突する the High Street?

After all, the straw cowboy hat only saw the light of day (other than in the U.S. 中央の-West) in St Tropez a few years ago and it went straight to the High Street a few months later.

Same for the diamante-studded belt, skull jewellery and those oh so 明らかにする／漏らすing short-shorts.

And so it seems the end of the topless bathing fashion for chic women is happening 権利 in the place it began.

And in some instances I'm glad? -? it won't be 平易な for me to forget, years ago, I 証言，証人／目撃するd an 古代の hag sitting topless at Club 55, her mahogany breasts dangling in her soupe de poisson.

Perhaps the 影響（力） of more sober dressing and much longer skirts shown by the haute couture this season is foretelling the inevitability of a long, 冷淡な 経済的な 危機.

However, one 傾向 that could upset the entire theory this argument is based on has 現れるd from St Tropez this season.

While girls are keeping their 最高の，を越すs on, their thongs are so minuscule now that the 従犯者s of choice are two perfect plump butt cheeks? -? and with the advent of J.Lo-style 後部 implants, it won't only be the young and 最高の-fit who can model this fashion.

I suppose that in 直面するing 後退，不況, we are having trouble leaving the good times, ahem, behind.