My 旅行 through two lost marriages has finally taught me how to make my THIRD last for ever: Do you think serial brides are flaky? FLIC EVERETT's bittersweet story of her romantic history could change your mind

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At the age of 51, my wrinkles will appear in all the photos, and it isn’t 伝統的な for a middle-老年の, third-time bride to wear ivory raw silk, but I don’t care.

As I walk with my son and two overexcited cocker spaniels ― the （犯罪の）一味-持参人払いのs ― に向かって my partner Andy, also 51, who is waiting for me under an arch of spring trees along with 50 guests, I feel nothing but joy. This will be my last marriage. I have no 疑問 in my mind.

‘Third marriage’ carries a whiff of devil-may-care bolter, a woman who collects husbands like diamonds and runs at the first 調印する of trouble.

Some, understandably, consider 多重の marriages a 調印する of 失敗, and a 傾向 to leap before looking. For me, however, marriage has always been about love and hope.

And although it took a 広大な／多数の／重要な many wrong turns, mistakes and soul-searching to find my happy ending, I don’t 悔いる any of the 旅行 that led me here.

The first time I walked up the aisle, it was June 1992. I was 21 and four months 妊娠している. I’d met my fiance, Nick, at a party the previous November, and by New Year we were engaged.

This time, there was nobody I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to impress with the wedding. This would be for us and our nearest and dearest, a 祝賀 of love after two very dark pandemic years. It was Andy’s first wedding, so while I might happily have scuttled off to Gretna Green with 最小限 fuss, there seemed no 推論する／理由 to 軍隊 him into an under-the-レーダ, muted event

While my friends and family reeled in shock, looking 支援する, I felt as though I’d willingly stepped の上に a conveyor belt ― that my life would pan out 正確に／まさに as my parents’ did. They had met 老年の 19 and 20, married months later, had me, and were still joyously happy.

My grandparents met in an 1930s オペラ 列 and 開始する，打ち上げるd a love story that lasted for over 50 years. I had no experience of 結婚の／夫婦の fighting or 離婚 ― I 簡単に believed, subconsciously, that in my family you fell in love in your 早期に 20s and it lasted for ever.

Hence, when I 設立する myself 妊娠している soon after we were engaged, I was excited; I put my 計画（する）s to be a 新聞記者／雑誌記者 on 一時的な 持つ／拘留する and we moved in with my parents.

速く, it transpired that Nick and I hardly knew each other. Once the reality of pregnancy, 欠如（する） of money and the 強調する／ストレス of a 劇の life-change kicked in, the 列／漕ぐ／騒動s began.

My fantasy was quickly 取り去る／解体するd by the realisation that this was a mismatch of two people far too young and inexperienced to 対処する or communicate our real feelings.?

But I still loved him and naively hoped that once we were married, things would 改善する. More importantly, I couldn’t 耐える to 略奪する my child of a father before he was even born.

にもかかわらず neither of us 存在 宗教的な, we had a church wedding in our home town, Manchester. I wore a plain ivory chiffon, empire-line dress, which 繰り返して had to be altered as the baby grew. I had three bridesmaids ― my best friend, who 隠すd her 疑問s elegantly, and the daughters of my parents’ friends.

I remember standing in the porch of the old church, shaking from 長，率いる to foot, 粘着するing to my dad’s arm. The vicar （機の）カム out and gently encouraged us to move inside, as The Arrival Of The Queen Of Sheba 爆破d from the 組織／臓器.

I now knew that a wedding isn’t an ending, it’s a beginning, and it’s the marriage that 事柄s. I understood that 信用 has to be 徐々に 養育するd, not assumed. She is pictured above at her first wedding

I had no knowledge of classical music, but somebody more grown up had 示唆するd it.

We knelt at the altar, giggling like children as words we didn’t understand the meaning of floated above us. Afterwards, there was a formal 歓迎会 at a restaurant and a party 支援する at our family home. My friends all got very drunk because they were still, 効果的に, kids, and part of me wished I could join them.

I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to be a good wife. I 手配中の，お尋ね者 my son Tom, born that November, to have two loving, happy parents. But 列／漕ぐ／騒動 after 列／漕ぐ／騒動, as I discovered how hopelessly out of kilter my 期待s had been, meant that ますます we lived in a welter of simmering 不信 and 失望, like a 1960s kitchen 沈む 演劇.

For almost everyone, it was a sad 救済 when we 分裂（する） up, いっそう少なく than three years after our wedding.

I now knew that a wedding isn’t an ending, it’s a beginning, and it’s the marriage that 事柄s. I understood that 信用 has to be 徐々に 養育するd, not assumed. Nick had always made me laugh and I’d mistaken that for intimacy ― now I realised that laughter can disguise 根底となる incompatibility, but not for very long.

For several years during my 20s I was a 選び出す／独身 mother, lucky enough to have a successful career as a writer and, more importantly, a hugely supportive family.?

Tom and I lived in a flat above a shop, and during that time I developed a 運動 and resilience I didn’t know I had.

I wasn’t put off marriage, but in 未来, I knew, I had to take my time. That’s what I did when I met Stephen.

Both in the マスコミ, we met through work in 1996, were friends and 同僚s first and 徐々に fell in love. We married in 1999, when I’d just turned 29.

I had a seven-year-old son, three young stepdaughters, a 抱擁する mortgage on a 抱擁する new house, and a very 需要・要求するing freelance career. However, we were adults, ready for the challenge, and we 手配中の，お尋ね者 our wedding to 反映する our hopes for the 未来, after a difficult １０年間.

I don’t 悔いる either of my previous marriages . They made me who I am and brought many wonderful things to my life. Flic is pictured above at her second wedding

Our 招待s were funny mock-ups of magazine covers and I wore a dark purple velvet, 床に打ち倒す-length frock with a tiara ― in those days, my look was all about the 演劇.

We were married by a registrar at Manchester Town Hall. I arrived in a white stretch limo and walked up the aisle with all the children to a Motown 跡をつける ― the wedding わずかに 延期するd b ecause the groom’s pack of friends were all hung over and 行方不明になるd their train.

I was annoyed, and had snapped at Stephen on the phone earlier. But I put it behind me as we partied with 100 friends and family in a 雇うd room, lit pink, while the Happy Mondays にわか景気d out. It felt important to serve blingy シャンペン酒 to impress guests with our knowing 冷静な／正味の, and to 注入する a little irony ― we were still young enough to find wholehearted 宣言s of love わずかに embarrassing.

Our 関係 lasted for 18 years ― until after the children had all left home, and I count it in many ways a success. We loved each other and tried very hard to keep all the balls in the 空気／公表する. Our 30s were a dance contest where the 目的（とする） was to be the last couple on the 床に打ち倒す, 関わりなく exhaustion.

We hosted parties and dinners for our many friends, we travelled for work, we took the children to three different schools each day and on exciting holidays, we started 商売／仕事s, we opened an award-winning shop ― and we never, ever stopped. Until in 2014, we did.

Nothing terrible had happened, just the bald, sad phrase ‘irreconcilable differences’, さもなければ known as ‘growing apart’. And にもかかわらず many 試みる／企てるs to keep it going, our carousel 結局 ground to a 停止（させる）.

I was in my 早期に 40s and felt sick at the idea of another marriage ending. I had learned how to 信用, how to 株 my life fully, how to make sacrifices ― but I didn’t know how to 始める，決める 境界s or make space for myself.

I would sit silently on 憤慨s until they grew into 激怒（する）, then it would all 爆発する. I’ve now learned to speak, rationally, when I’m upset ―before it’s too late.

I’d also thought I could take on everything the world threw at me.

徐々に, I realised I couldn’t any more ― and I n o longer 手配中の，お尋ね者 to 証明する myself. I 手配中の，お尋ね者 peace.

It was a painful, 長引いた break-up and afterwards I thought I might be alone for ever. It wasn’t a terrible prospect ― I had a lovely grown-up son, two cats and a rented flat in Bath. I also had dear friends and family, my health, a career . . . I’d be 罰金.

I met Andy that year, 経由で a の近くに 相互の friend. Having 推定する／予想するd a long period of singledom, instead I suddenly fell in love. We navigated a long-distance 関係 between 田舎の Argyll and Bath for two years, before I moved to his remote West Highlands cottage to live with him in 2016. I 行方不明になるd (and still 行方不明になる) my family and friends, but I have never been happier in a 関係, or a place.

Andy 提案するd on my 50th birthday, during lockdown, and I had no 疑問s about 説 yes.

I realised people might think I was insane to do it all again, that I didn’t understand the point of marriage, that I’d carelessly left a long 追跡する of bad 決定／判定勝ち（する）s and broken hearts. Who was I to make 約束s I’d 証明するd I couldn’t keep twice before? But now, I knew I could.

This time, there was nobody I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to impress with the wedding. This would be for us and our nearest and dearest, a 祝賀 of love after two very dark pandemic years.

It was Andy’s first wedding, so while I might happily have scuttled off to Gretna Green with 最小限 fuss, there seemed no 推論する／理由 to 軍隊 him into an under-the-レーダ, muted event.

Instead, we decided to get married in the beautiful country garden, owned and tended by his dad for many years, beside the holiday house Andy owns and rents out.

Somewhat insanely, we catered it ourselves ― a 抱擁する hot and 冷淡な buffet for 50 ― but as neither of us is rolling in money and we both love cooking, it seemed sensible. And we already knew how 井戸／弁護士席 we work together.?

But while I may have been exhausted from the DIY nature of our wedding, as friends messaged asking ‘are you nervous yet?’ I was surprised to find myself telling them I was 罰金: 静める, relaxed, happy.

I bought my ivory day dress on eBay for £7. 99 and had it altered, and I 雇うd my evening dress for £170 ― a glittery green £1,600 Vampire’s Wife frock I could never have afforded to buy. My best friend did my hair and my son’s girlfriend did my make-up.?

My mum made the wedding cakes, and I decided I’d give my dad the day off for once ― Tom and the dogs would walk me up the aisle, and I’d make my own speech.

Of course, there were little 災害s ― the marquee wasn’t up till 6pm the night before, and we had to 草案 in our friends to help lay the （米）棚上げする／（英）提議するs. The 抱擁する trout I was poaching fell apart and had to be covered up with cucumber slices あわてて 削減（する） by my dad.?

The 高くつく／犠牲の大きい 味方するs of ham and beef were forgotten and I ran out halfway through dinner to the garage to fetch them . . . but 非，不，無 of it 事柄d.

We had a humanist wedding ― we read each other poems and made our 約束s without a hint of 疑問. There was live music from a dear friend, and all the people we love watching, and happy for us. For the entire day, I didn’t stop smiling.

So what have I learned this time? That eight years is long enough to know you’re with the 権利 person. That an argument can just be an argument ― it doesn’t have to curdle into 憤慨.

That I’ve finally 設立する a person who 受託するs me 正確に／まさに as I am, as I do him, who loves me 簡単に, without agitating for change or 改良. That a happy 関係 doesn’t feel like work.?

And that it doesn’t 事柄 that I’m two dress sizes bigger than last time, that the 雇うd soup bowls didn’t get unpacked or the extra bread was forgotten.

Most importantly, I now know myself and what I need ― I’m not trying to 軍隊 myself into a 形態／調整 that doesn’t fit, or hiding from 苦痛 in a whirl of activity.

I don’t 悔いる either of my previous marriages . They made me who I am and brought many wonderful things to my life. But as I enter my 50s, at long last, it really is a 事例／患者 of third time lucky.

Some 指名するs have been changed.