Ex-Mormon 明らかにする／漏らすs how church's strict 支配するs - and 見解（をとる） that a woman's 単独の 目的 is to marry and '補充する the earth' with kids - warped her 見解（をとる）s of love and left her feeling 'unworthy' of true happiness

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An ex-Mormon woman has opened up about her 悔いる over letting her 宗教 skew her understanding of love - 詳細（に述べる）ing how she ended up married and 離婚d by age 24 after 存在 made to feel as though she was 'unworthy' if she didn't tie the knot at a young age.?

Kristjana Hillberg, 32, from South Dakota, says she always felt undeserving of love and happiness while she was a part of the Mormon church, but it wasn't until she got married at 21 that she realized it was 現実に the rigid 宗教的な values she once held so の近くに, were making her feel 不十分な.

From a young age, Kristjana was taught that a Mormon woman's 役割 in life was to settle as an obedient housewife. Gender stereotypes that 押し進めるd men as breadwinners and women as homemakers were 軍隊d の上に and 原因（となる）d her to believe that's all she could ever be.??

Kristjana Hillberg, an ex-Mormon, 明らかにする／漏らすd she 悔いるs letting her 宗教 skew her understanding of love

The 32-year-old, from South Dakota, got married at 21 years old (pictured) and 離婚d at 24 after feeling 罠にかける by the beliefs of the Mormon church

She 公式文書，認めるd that her しつけ often made her feel unworthy and feeling like she needed to play the 役割 of an obedient housewife

In an interview with Insider, the ex-Mormon 明らかにする／漏らすd that in grad school she was told it was a woman's 義務 to '補充する the earth', and learned that if she partook in drinking alcohol, smoking マリファナ and pre-結婚の／夫婦の sex she was sinner.?

Although she 手配中の，お尋ね者 to 権力を与える others as a woman, she learned to 押し進める her personal thoughts aside because they didn't 提携させる with the beliefs of the church.?

'In such a strict 宗教 where everything is off-限界s and you don't question anything, you just have blind 約束, if you have ''bad'' thoughts, you just pray them away,' Kristjana told Insider.?

When Kristjana was in college she was a 犠牲者 of 性の 強襲，強姦 and because she learned that pre-結婚の／夫婦の sex was a serious sin, she began to internalize that belief, and because she was drunk, she 納得させるd herself she deserved the attack and that she was the one who needed to repent for her sins.?

に引き続いて the 強襲，強姦, the now 32-year-old 設立する herself doing everything to escape the 消極的な thoughts that told her she was unworthy, such as continuous partying.?

Two years later, she met a fellow student and a Mormon who 'changed?that belief in me that no one would ever love me,' she said.?

While dating him, she was shocked by how 受託するing he was に向かって her にもかかわらず her 支配する-breaking when it （機の）カム to alcohol, sex and 麻薬s, 特に because he was the son of a Mormon bishop, who is the leader of the Mormon church.??

In an interview with Insider, the ex-Mormon 明らかにする／漏らすd that in grad school she was told it was a woman's 義務 to '補充する the earth'

After 苦しむing from 性の 強襲，強姦, Kristjana 設立する herself doing everything to escape the 消極的な thoughts that told her she was unworthy, such as continuous partying

She married a fellow Mormon at 21, but couldn't escape feelings of unworthiness (pictured with her mom, who is still a member of the church)?

The two married after nine months together, during which time they 棄権するd from sex. After marrying they had a child together.

And while Kristjana was happy he 受託するd her for who she was she couldn't shake her thoughts of wanting to do something more with her life.?

While her now ex-husband traveled for work and she spent time alone and with their baby, she once again began to question the beliefs the church had instilled in her, 特に when it （機の）カム to family dynamics.?

She felt as though she had everything the church told her she'd want, yet, she still wasn't happy.?

'I was fighting all of these inner feelings of, "You're 存在 極端に selfish. You just need to like have 約束 and be 静かな and do your 職業, Kris,"' she told Insider.

Kristjana tried to be happy and thankful for the 役割 she was told she was supposed to play, but she couldn't shake the feelings of unworthiness.

She felt like she could never escape her life or her thoughts. She knew she could no longer live within the Mormon church's beliefs that 燃料d her shame and low self-価値（がある）.?

権利 before she turned 25, she とじ込み／提出するd for 離婚, left the church and began her 傷をいやす／和解させるing 過程 through therapy, which she 公式文書，認めるd helped her find peace and joy.?

She began trying new things, became a burlesque ダンサー and co-created Step Into Your 魔法, a course designed to help those who are struggling 人物／姿／数字ing out their true selves and what they want out of life.?

権利 before she turned 25, she とじ込み／提出するd for 離婚, left the church and began her 傷をいやす／和解させるing 過程 through therapy, which she 公式文書，認めるd helped her find peace and joy

She began trying new things, became a burlesque ダンサー and re-married to a 非，不，無-Mormon 指名するd Keith Hillberg (pictured)

Now, Kristjna is a mother-of-three and is happier than ever because she has 設立する 慰安 outside of the 限定するs of 宗教??

Now, Kristijna is married to a 非，不，無-Mormon, Kurt Hillberg, with whom she has two kids.?

She and her ex-husband co-parent their 10-year-old daughter and Kristjna 公式文書，認めるd that he's a 'fabulous' dad, but says she doesn't 悔いる とじ込み／提出するing for 離婚.??

The mother-of-three 追加するd that her marriage with Kurt makes her feel 安全な outside the 限定するs of 宗教 and has helped her find her passions while coming to 条件 with her true self.?

'It was a lot of 実験ing and even still, I'm 転換ing and unlearning and 人物／姿／数字ing it out. But I'm just more me now. I go 厳密に off of my intuition and what feels good,'?

'It's so different than when I was in my 早期に twenties 存在 like, "Oh my God, God hates me."'