Her dog had been her 慰安 and 保護 for 13 years. So why, asks BARBARA AMIEL, can't our society 受託する the 深遠な grief that comes with losing a pet?

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Dog movies have never been a favourite of 地雷 ― unless it's Lassie.?

I know how they will end, with either the dog's death or the owner's and a final scene of the 充てるd animal walking behind a 棺. Too painful.

And then on December 28, one day before his 13th birthday, my beautiful Arpad died.

'You're going to be a 十代の少年少女 next birthday,' I'd been telling him.?

On December 28, one day before his 13th birthday, my beautiful Arpad died. 'You're going to be a 十代の少年少女 next birthday,' I'd been telling him. Barbara Amiel, pictured with her dog Arpad in 2020

He lost his bark and had 増加するing difficulty breathing. Laryngeal paralysis I was told: 'Nothing to be done, it's 進歩／革新的な, but be careful when he eats. He could choke or 窒息させる'

Living 13 years for a 巨大（な） 産む／飼育する dog ― a Kuvasz, descended from Hungarian working farm and guard dogs ― is やめる rare, 特に for one in the 支配する of an illness that was slowly paralysing him.

He lost his bark and had 増加するing difficulty breathing. Laryngeal paralysis I was told: 'Nothing to be done, it's 進歩／革新的な, but be careful when he eats. He could choke or 窒息させる.'

His walking became a staggered gait for both of us: me 持つ／拘留するing up about half of his 115lb 負わせる with a special harness when his 支援する 脚s 崩壊（する）d.?

His nose 手配中の，お尋ね者 to follow the smells and find out the 地元の news while his 前線 脚s still worked, although they were beginning to give way, too, as the 神経 pathways fr om his brain became ますます unreliable.

'What a wonder you are, Arpad,' I would say as he walked uncomplainingly while his 支援する paws knuckled over and the 肌 was 捨てるd off by roads or hard pavements.?

I tried to help, bending 負かす／撃墜する to straighten his paws. Grass was better but when the leaves dropped, he had difficulty shuffling through them.

We'd come 支援する to the house and I'd wash the 血 off and put antiseptic on the raw 位置／汚点／見つけ出すs.?

I tried little boots to 保護する him but all he did was stand dead still in them. I had a special doggy 車椅子 made to 手段 as a 代用品，人 for his 支援する 脚s but he preferred his 限られた／立憲的な gait.

In an article I wrote six months ago, I 株d with Mail readers Arpad's 拒絶する／低下する and the enormous 負債 I felt I 借りがあるd him. He had been with me almost every day of his almost 13 years.

In my darkest days, a １０年間 or so ago, when my husband Conrad was in 刑務所，拘置所 and I was living alone in a large house on the Florida coast, he had 慰安d and 保護するd me.

From the beginning Arpad decided I was his livestock to guard.?

Together with my older Kuvasz, Maya, he even saved my life: an 侵入者 broke into our home at 4.30am as I lay in bed 令状ing to my husband.?

In my darkest days, a １０年間 or so ago, when my husband Conrad was in 刑務所，拘置所 and I was living alone in a large house on the Florida coast, he had 慰安d and 保護するd me

I saw the doorknobs of my locked bedroom door turn and I froze in terror.

Arpad and Maya flew past my bed and, barking furiously, threw themselves at the door. The 侵入者 fled.

Later the police, whom I'd phoned 権利 away, called to tell me a man had been 逮捕（する）d after 試みる／企てるing to 窒息させる a 68-year-old woman in her bedroom, a few streets away, just two nights after our break-in.

Arpad was the youngest of my dogs and when the others died he and I were alone.

?He's your child, friends would say when I explained I couldn't go out and leave Arpad as his health 悪化するd, and I suppose they were 部分的に／不公平に 権利.

I'd 手配中の，お尋ね者 children, 猛烈に, and tried IVF several times, but during my childbearing years the 科学（工学）技術 that is such a help now to women struggling with infertility ― egg extraction, frozen embryos and surrogacy ― was not easily 利用できる. I became too old to 利益.

'All your maternal instincts went to him,' Conrad said when I stood alone in our 前線 hall talking to Arpad as if he were still there.?

The hall was where he lived after he could no longer climb the stairs to our bedroom.

It was Arpad's 恐れる of slipping that 制限するd him to the hall in his last year and a half no 事柄 how many mats we placed 主要な to other rooms.?

He would seat himself on a 抱擁する 一連の会議、交渉／完成する cushion from which he could 見解（をとる） the 前線 door, the stairs, the hall 回廊（地帯）s and the dining room 床に打ち倒す where my 空気／公表する mattress was.

I'd slept for nearly 19 months on that 空気／公表する mattress so I could help him with his breathing in the night when he struggled, or on the mornings when he 手配中の，お尋ね者 to go out.

'It's all 権利, Arp,' I would tell him and he would look at me gratefully. 'We'll get through this.'

He knew from the トン of my 発言する／表明する that I was 慰安ing him and he would look at me with his slanted liquid amber 注目する，もくろむs and put his paw on my arm which meant he'd like me to stay with him.?

We'd sit together for a bit and as he 静めるd 負かす／撃墜する, he 設立する a position where he could 残り／休憩（する）.

I knew it couldn't go on for ever, but the vet had said he would be dead in three to six months ― and here we were 18 months later.?

I cooked him steak and hot dogs, feeling わずかに 有罪の as the evening news told me of food 不足s in ウクライナ共和国.

深い 負かす／撃墜する as he （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 the 半端物s day by day, 需要・要求するing to walk when it was so difficult for us both, having days when he amazed me with his stamina, I believed he'd never die or with luck, I'd go first.

My husband and our much younger 所有物／資産／財産 経営者／支配人, who both loved him, would take care of him. I was a mixture of contradictory 仮定／引き受けることs.

'You've been 心配するing his death since the day you got him at eight weeks old,' said my husband.?

Maya, my 皇后, died of a deadly splenetic 癌 in 2020, 老年の 12 ― a decent lifespan for a large-産む／飼育する dog, only Arpad 生き残るs, now the （米）棚上げする／（英）提議するs are turned ― I 保護する him

Anticipatory grief it's called. I thought I could 保護する myself against the 必然的な loss by imagining it, rehearsing it in my mind time and time again.

I was wrong. Nothing 準備するs you for the emptiness. And it's not only the silence and terrible stillness: even when Arp was in a 深い sleep and you were a 床に打ち倒す away, his presence was there.

At Christmas I had got out his 黒人／ボイコット 屈服する tie, and his red 在庫／株ing ― hung next to the fireplace ― was filled with Cheddar cheese and 肝臓 扱う／治療するs.

He didn't care much for toys, except one green plush beer 瓶／封じ込める that he took outside and buried and then dug up again season after season.

Then on Christmas Eve he couldn't urinate. He tried and tried but nothing except a little 血. On Christmas Day, the same thing.

Finding a vet in Toronto during the festive season was not a walk in the park, while th e 緊急 hospitals wouldn't take an old dog with urinary problems, 支援するd up as they were with canine traffic 犠牲者s and younger dogs in life-and-death 緊急s.

I did manage to find a vet who gave him an X-ray to 支配する out 腎臓 石／投石するs or 水晶s and he decided it was a urinary tract 感染. So, I dosed Arp with 抗生物質s and emailed our 正規の／正選手 vet who said he could see him next day.

He drained his bladder which seemed to make Arp feel better, but he could barely 解除する his 長，率いる from the 床に打ち倒す. 'We'll culture the urine,' said the vet 'so we know if he's getting the 権利 抗生物質.'

On December 28, Arpad 崩壊（する）d while walking and a 広大な／多数の／重要な whoosh of liquids （機の）カム out of him, a 血まみれの lake.

He 簡潔に lost consciousness and his 長，率いる lolled. When his 注目する，もくろむs opened he looked at me with 一面に覆う／毛布 despair. Was he in 苦痛? No way to tell with a Kuvasz, they are so stoic. But he had given up.

'There's nothing we can do,' said the vet. 'The culture is 消極的な. He doesn't have a urinary tract 感染. Even if we find he has a tumour or bladder 癌, he couldn't have 外科 at his age.

'Whatever it is, all his systems are failing.' We made an 任命 for later that day.

That's how you do it with a dog. You make an 任命 to kill them. We had six hours left and Arpad lay 焦点（を合わせる）ing and defocusing as if he were looking at another world which we couldn't see.

'It's over, Arp,' I said hugging him. I couldn't leave his 味方する.?

We took him to his death in the 先頭 he loved on his big cushions and as we drove he raised his 長，率いる to look at me.?

When the vet （機の）カム to the 先頭 with his ominous 黒人／ボイコット 捕らえる、獲得する, I held Arp's 長，率いる while the cannula went into his 脚.

Arpad was car-衝突，墜落 handsome, Maya やめる beautiful, and walking the two of them became as 独特の as walking two polar 耐えるs ― which they were often called

He licked my 直面する. Our 注目する，もくろむs met one last time and all that stuff about levels of oxytocin ― the love hormone that 社債s you together ― 殺到するd in my brain but mixed with despair.

Then he was gone. Just a big white carcass, lifeless on the cushions.

No more surprise trips to new places with special smells. No more 開会／開廷／会期s 徹底的に捜すing that 抱擁する coat. No more licks or Arpad sitting next to me in the 冷淡な night 空気／公表する enjoying the 勝利，勝つd and snow.

'Will you want an inscription on his casket,' asked the vet? I nodded numbly. What could I put to sum up his life?

He had no vanity like Maya, who rejoiced in her regal 外見 after grooming and literally strutte d along streets taking the 賞賛 she evoked as a 事柄 of fact.

Arpad, unassuming, was so handsome a dog that even when he was 手足を不自由にする／（物事を）損なうd, he still was にわか雨d with compliments.?

'The Cary 認める of dogs,' I would say as people asked to be photographed with him.

He played no games to beg for food or 扱う／治療するs. He was guileless. He sat for hour after hour in my office as I wrote my memoirs, just happy to be in the same room.

I, worried and 失望させるd by my 限られた／立憲的な talent, would put my 長，率いる into his fur when my 令状ing 攻撃する，衝突する a brick 塀で囲む and let him do his 同等（の） of a cat's purr ― a low, 深い munching noise in his throat.

Talking to him grounded me. I could tell him my most wretched 恐れるs and worries, believing he could しっかり掴む the 必須の 意図 of what I was 説.

People believe what they want to believe, but Arpad wasn't just a 代用品，人 child. Even if I'd had six children, I would have had at least two dogs.

Dogs adapt themselves やめる deliberately to their humans. They have no choice in their homes or their owners or the way in which they are 扱う／治療するd, but try always to find happiness in their lives.

It's 流行の／上流の to say dogs make no judgments and that's why we love them ― that they give '無条件の love' ― which is true to a point.?

But I believe dogs are perfectly 有能な of distinguishing which humans they like based on far more than who it is that 料金d them. Dogs can think and 補足（する） their ears and 注目する，もくろむs with their 驚くべき／特命の／臨時の olfactory 神経s.

It's also true that dogs appear to have 非，不，無 of the worst human 質s like envy, dishonesty, malice or the ability to 嘘（をつく）.

'Get a new dog 権利 away,' everyone tells me as if you are 簡単に 取って代わるing a worn out pair of shoes. My heart is breaking I want to 叫び声をあげる. A new dog might help a younger person but as I am 82, the 'new' dog could easily 生き延びる me

As 専門家s on の間の-種類 関係s have 観察するd, to what extent can many of the best human traits ― 忠義, affection, uncomplaining 受託 of whatever life dishes out ― 適切に be called 'human' when they 適用する quintessentially to dogs?

Our society 許すs us to grieve over dogs for a little bit but doesn't really 受託する that 対処するing with the loss can いつかs be worse than losing a human family member.

You can't have those last words. You can't 交流 memories of the things you did together. You can't have a 記念の service.

Friends are 肉親，親類d but it is considered a little neurotic to be in 嘆く／悼むing for more than a few days.

'Get a new dog 権利 away,' everyone tells me as if you are 簡単に 取って代わるing a worn out pair of shoes.?

My heart is breaking I want to 叫び声をあげる.?

A new dog might help a younger person but as I am 82, the 'new' dog could easily 生き延びる me.

Devotion: Writer Barbara Amiel wouldn't leave the 味方する of Arpad, her beloved Kuvasz whose health was 拒絶する／低下するing quickly over the festive period

If I 救助（する） a 上級の dog, the prospect of going through this gory ritual of death again can't be 直面するd. Besides, nothing can take the place of a Kuvasz in my heart and they 要求する the energy I still had in my 60s to train.

I will manage to take 支援する my life, time must help 緩和する this 苦痛, but it will always be a lesser life. Like Scrooge looking into the 未来 and seeing the 議長，司会を務める of Tiny Tim empty, I pass through the hall every morning and see o nly the empty spaces where Arpad 迎える／歓迎するd me.

I have no ontological belief in a life hereafter ― of the rainbow 橋（渡しをする） which dogs cross into some meadow where they all frolic.

But I want to believe it so 猛烈に that when the prescription spectacles I lost over ten months ago while walking Arpad mysteriously turned up ― on my Hanukkah 祈り shawl the day after his death ― I took it as a gift from Arp.?

I will walk with him in my heart always.