No, you can't have my cash until I've got what I want

By Liz Jones for The Mail on Sunday

Updated: 10:05 BST, 11 November 2010

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Funny, outrageous and downright rude. Who's in Liz Jones' 解雇する／砲火／射撃ing line this week?

On hold: Why is it so hard to get good service?

On 持つ／拘留する: Why is it so hard to get good service?

Why are people so defeatist these days?

Even when you are doing something as simple as phoning a hair salon, asking if you can get your roots done the に引き続いて ?Wednesday, the young 歓迎会 woman’s 膝-jerk 返答 is to say: ‘I don’t know if that’s going to be possible, I will have to ?二塁打 check?.?.?.’

Whatever happened to a 肯定的な態度? Why, ?during a 後退，不況, aren’t people 落ちるing over ?themselves to be helpful and 融通するing?

I want a スピードを出す／記録につける burner 任命する／導入するd before Christmas. ‘Oooh, I don’t know about that. It will take eight to ten weeks to come in.’

Eight to ten weeks! Why do shops never have anything in 在庫／株, ever?

Isn’t it intrinsic in the running of a 小売商売／仕事 to have a 確かな量 of 在庫／株 and just pray to the lord ?someone comes along and buys it?

Why are they always hedging their bets, and it is the poor old 顧客 who has to stump up the cash in 前進する and then wait for aeons until it is made?

We seem to have to 支払う／賃金 for everything in 前進する these days. Check into a hotel and they ‘reserve’ the entire 法案 on your credit card before you have so much as eaten the 造幣局 on your pillow.

I stayed at the new Missoni hotel in Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago: they reserved the 法案 on my card and then they couldn’t tell the difference between flat water and ?sparkling!

Buy a coffee in Costa and they tap the 量 in the till and 持つ／拘留する out their grubby paws for the money before they have even warmed the cup!

CELEBRITY BRAIN DEAD MOMENT OF THE WEEK

This is from actress Shannen Doherty’s new self-help tome.

‘Remember that part in the Sex And The City movie when Miranda 会談 about her husband cheating on her? She didn’t understand why, but they hadn’t had sex in for ever?.?.?.?why 持つ／拘留する out on your man? I am of the mind that if your man is 満足させるd at home, he will not 逸脱する.’

Um, why 持つ／拘留する out on your man? Maybe he put on 12st? Maybe you are too exhausted from doing everything you no longer have the energy to put out? Maybe, just maybe, he is the one who should 形態／調整 up!

How not to dress: Hilary Swank and Donatella Versace

Celebrity moments: Actress Shannen Doherty, who has written a self-help 調書をとる／予約する, and 権利, Hilary Swank with Donatella Versace

CRIME AGAINST FASHION

At the Glamour awards on Monday were perfect ?illustrations of how not to dress.

Donatella Versace, in her own design, 証明するd you should not match your dress (in this 事例／患者, bronze) to your 肌トン (in this 事例／患者, bronze).

And Hilary Swank’s ?Versace gown is too low-slung across the 破産した／（警察が）手入れする, too tight across the hips, ?原因（となる）ing unsightly creasing?.?.?.?it doesn’t ?事柄 how much you 支払う／賃金 for that party dress, a 訂正する fit is everything.