DEAR JANE: My girlfriend loves her new cosmetic enhancement... but I hate it. And every man I know does too

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Dear Jane,

My girlfriend and I have been together for just over a year and we make each other very happy.

Recently, she's opened up about struggling with her self-esteem and experiencing 団体／死体 image 問題／発行するs but, to me, she is perfect!

She's 自然に gorgeous and has a 広大な／多数の／重要な 団体／死体 ― one that most women would envy.

Anyway, she recently went on a bachelorette 週末 trip to Miami with her college friends ― who are a little crazy ― and did something 極端に impulsive and 無謀な.

明らかに, all the girls got drunk and decided to get their nipples pierced. My girlfriend didn't want to be a party pooper, so she did it too.

When she got home and told me, I was furious. I think she should've at least told me before doing something like that to her 団体／死体! We're a couple, after all, and things like this should be a 共同の 決定／判定勝ち（する）.

To make 事柄s worse, I hate the piercing. It looks so tacky.

Dear Jane:?My girlfriend loves her new cosmetic enhancement... But I hate it. And every man I know does too.

She has small-ish boobs, so she usually goes bra-いっそう少なく ― and now her piercing pokes through her 着せる／賦与するs. I feel like everyone in public is 星／主役にするing at her chest.

I asked some of my guy friends what they think of nipple piercings, and all of them agreed that they're a 大規模な turn-off ― which makes me feel even more ashamed of my girlfriend's new 団体／死体 bling.

The piercing is honestly giving me the ick, and it 甚だしい／１２ダースs me out when we're intimate.

I really want to tell her how I feel and ask her to take the stud out to let the 穴を開ける の近くに up, but she says she loves it, and that it makes her feel sexy and 確信して. Knowing that she has struggl ed with 団体／死体 問題／発行するs in the past makes me feel 有罪の about hating something she finds so 権力を与えるing.

What do I do?

From,

Nipple it in the bud

International best-selling author Jane Green 申し込む／申し出s 下落する advice on readers' most 燃やすing 問題／発行するs in her agony aunt column

Dear Nipple it in the bud,

There are a few 問題／発行するs that jump out at me here.

First is your thinking that, because you and your girlfriend are a couple, she has to 捜し出す your 是認 before she does something to her 団体／死体. I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. She is not your 所有物／資産／財産, nor is she even your wife. She's your girlfriend, and has 絶対の 自治.

As for why she didn't discuss this with you beforehand ― perhaps she knew you wouldn't like it. A few years ago, I 手配中の，お尋ね者 a tattoo. But my husband at the time hated tattoos. If I had told him that I planned to get one, he would have gone to 広大な／多数の／重要な lengths to talk me out of it ― and I (as a people-pleaser) would probably have agreed to stand 負かす／撃墜する.?

But this tattoo was important to me, and it was my 団体／死体, so I made the de cision to go ahead without telling my husband. As some might put it, I asked for forgiveness rather than 許可.

The second 問題／発行する I see here relates to communication ― which is a 決定的な 構成要素 of any 関係.?

While I don't think your girlfriend had to ask your 許可 to get her nipple pierced, I do think it's?一般に healthy to discuss large 決定／判定勝ち（する）s together as a couple. Although, 確かな circumstances ― like 存在 drunk at a bachelorette party ― can make that tricky.

The final 問題／発行する is your について言及する of the dreaded ick.?

The ick is a real thing, and once we have it, it's hard to get over. Although, when we 明らかにする／漏らす that we have the ick, often our aversion dissipates.

I remember a friend telling me she'd developed the ick for her boyfriend, and when she finally told him, he 自白するd that something she had done had also given him a bad feeling. As they were able to talk and laugh about it, their 各々の icks disappeared.

My point 存在, you need to be open with your girlfriend and tell her how you really feel about the piercing. Just as she has the 権利 to do something to her 団体／死体, you have the 権利 to tell her how you feel about it.?

If she decides she wants to keep it, maybe this 関係 has to end.?And if that's the 事例／患者, 受託する that this was not the 権利 person for you.

Dear Jane,

My wife and I have been together for over a １０年間 and we are now in our 30s.

A few weeks ago, she went on a night out with some friends to celebrate a birthday.

The next morning she 自白するd to me that she had drunkenly made out with one of the other girls.

She was worried I was going to be furious and consider it cheating - but honestly, it's the 完全にする opposite.

I have always 設立する this friend in particular 極端に attractive, so the thought of my wife having a drunken steamy make-out with her really turned me on.

At first, I didn't tell her this because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. So we just laughed about it and moved on.

But then I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, so a few nights ago, when I was a bit drunk myself, I asked my wife if her friend would be 負かす／撃墜する for a threesome. My wife きっぱりと 辞退するd.

Now I find myself unable to let go of the idea, and I'm having intrusive thoughts during our lovemaking about the two of them kissing.

It seems like I might never get this out of my 長，率いる. Please help!

From,

Kiss & Tell

Dear Kiss & Tell,

A drunken make-out 開会／開廷／会期 does not a threesome make.

Your wife has 現実に just spiced up your sex life in a way that sounds exciting rather than intrusive.?

Everyone fantasizes! Instead of punishing yourself by thinking of your fantasies as intrusive thoughts, 簡単に 高く評価する／（相場などが）上がる the fun they 追加する to your lovemaking.

I will say, it's probably wise not to 示唆する a threesome again.?As much as you are turned on by the thought of your wife kissing this other woman, it doesn't sound like she is harboring 類似の fantasies.?

And, even if she is attracted to this friend of hers, attraction to someone alone does not mean there should be an (a)自動的な／(n)自動拳銃 招待 for them to join the 結婚の／夫婦の bed.

Rather than asking your wife for a threesome, perhaps tell her how much the kiss turned you on, and that you fantasize about it.?

Telling her about it may help you to stop thinking about this as intrusive, and therefore wrong.

Sex せねばならない have a playful element, and there should be no shame in 明らかにする／漏らすing our 願望（する）s. In fact, the more fun you have, the more likely you are to 避ける the dreaded 'married sex'?― an 時折の quickie just to get it over and done with.