抽出する from 'How to stay together forever'

by JULIA COLE, femail.co.uk

In her new 調書をとる／予約する, our 居住（者） sex 専門家 Julia Cole shows you how to make your 関係 work and keep it working!

Follow our 抽出する below for the five ありふれた mistakes we all tend to make when communicating with our partners.

If you want to read more, follow the link at the 底（に届く） of the page for 詳細（に述べる）s on how to order your 割引d copy of 'How to stay together forever'.

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In a loving 関係, talking and listening to your partner is the most important 技術 you 要求する. If you can communicate with 緩和する, everything else in your 関係 will work.

Talking and listening is something you will need to do throughout the lifetime of your 関係. As with any 技術, the more you talk about what you are 利益／興味d in, and 関心d about, the closer you will feel.

Good communication makes a successful 関係. Poor communication breaks it. Given that the 結果 of talking and listening 効果的に is so good, why is it that lots of people find it so hard to do?

Here's why lots of couples find talking to one another so difficult.

THE FIVE MYTHS OF COMMUNICATION

MYTH ONE - It's unromantic to have to （一定の）期間 out your hopes and 期待s. True love means you understand each other without speaking.

Hoping your partner notices how angry or 哀れな you are is a bit like playing the card game 'Pairs'. They may notice you seem a bit moody or talkative, but they cannot find the 推論する／理由 to pair it up with.

If you want support, advice or a shoulder to cry on, you must 明確に say what is troubling you, what you need and why.

MYTH TWO - I know all about my partner and what they are going to say on any given 支配する. There is no point in encouraging them to talk or listen to me because I could guess what they would say or do.

You may think you know what they would say, bu t do you really know them 同様に as you think? When did you last try asking them for their ideas?

Making 仮定／引き受けることs about what your partner will do or say stops your 関係 from growing. 加える, if you assume he/she has not changed or 円熟したd, they may 結局 feel that you do not know them at all.

Checking out what your partner thinks 許すs you to build 橋（渡しをする）s of communication.

MYTH THREE - If I ask my partner to change their behaviour に向かって me, they いつかs make an 成果／努力 for a short while, but then things go 支援する to the way they were. It's pointless even making the 試みる／企てる.

You might do a lot of the asking, but do you do much giving? This 見解（をとる） of communication is 'you' centred. What you get from it becomes the most important 結果. But what about your partner?

They may feel that their needs are overlooked because what you want is always 最高位の.

They may have good 推論する／理由s for not wanting to do what you are asking for, but you could have 行方不明になるd them because you have only 焦点（を合わせる）d on your personal 願望（する）d 結果.

MYTH FOUR - 株ing too many feelings destroys all sense of mystery between couples. It is important to 持続する some distance other wise the 関係 becomes boring.

If you want to be in a 関係, rather than a Ruth Rendell thriller, mystery will not do you any favours. 承認する, you may not want to shave your 脚s in 前線 of your partner, but 正規の／正選手 talking about your 関係 is 決定的な if you want it to 生き残る.

Over time all 関係s 発展させる and change. It is this that 供給（する）s the 利益／興味 and excitement in a 共同 rather than keeping each other at arm's length to 保存する passion.

MYTH FIVE - talking all the time turns you into brother and sister rather than lovers. 活動／戦闘 is just as important as talking.

There is some truth in this myth - but only some! You can find yourself talking for hours but still be no nearer to 解決するing a problem or taking a 決定／判定勝ち（する）. So talking seems more like a 罠（にかける） rather than a 解放（する）.

But without discussion and 審議 it can be impossible to make a 株d 決定／判定勝ち（する）. Talking through 選択s before choices and events can help you feel like a team, pulling together.

Did you recognise any of these ありふれた mistakes in your 関係? Find out how you can 打ち勝つ them by ordering your copy of 'How to stay together forever' below.