I have a 鎮圧する on a woman

Published: 01:41 BST, 16 July 2012 | Updated: 14:30 BST, 19 July 2012

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Th e former Erotic Review magazine editor answers your sex questions...

I’ve been married for more than 20 years and adore my husband, but no longer 願望（する） him.

Over the past year, I have become attracted to a woman in my circle (we had children at the same school). We kissed and it was electrifying. I know my spouse wouldn’t find an 事件／事情／状勢 with a 女性（の） as 脅すing as one with a man. Is it really a 罪，犯罪 to snatch one last burst of passion before I turn 50?

I’ve always felt 懐疑的な about the notion that married women get some 肉親，親類d of ‘get out 刑務所，拘置所解放する／自由な’ card if they have an 事件／事情／状勢 with a woman, rather than a man.

女性（の） attraction? Can women really play a 'get out of 刑務所，拘置所解放する／自由な' card - by having an 事件／事情／状勢 with another woman?

ROWAN SAYS: Yes, many men idly 宣言する they wouldn’t mind if their partner had a sapphic fling, but that’s because they 簡単に can’t imagine the reality. In their mind’s 注目する，もくろむ, they see two women ‘pretending’ to be gay for a male 観客’s 利益.

It’s just one big tease, with no emotional baggage, 特に designed to turn on blokes.

It’s amazing that people can overlook the fact that lesbian 関係s have all the depth, 複雑さ, ardour and destructive 可能性のある of straight ones. It’s not just men who delude themselves ― women do, too.

They imagine a same-sex 関係 is in such a different 部類 that their partner won’t mind. The ‘lipstick lesbian’ 傾向 of the past 15 years has done nothing to debunk the myths; when celebrities such as Angelina Jolie are 述べるd as ‘bisexual’, other women think it might be exciting? to ape them.

Tatler magazine’s 最近の Lesbian Ball signalled to the world there’s nothing cooler now: but sexuality shouldn’t be a form of fashion. All the gay women I know (含むing my younger sister) are maddened by the notion that lesbianism is something you can put on and chuck off like last season’s coat.

The truth is rather different. I know several married women who have had flings with 女性（の）知識s as they 攻撃する，衝突する middle-age. Most, like you, were 苦しむing 結婚の／夫婦の doldrums. I can 保証する you those 事件／事情／状勢s were just as painful for their husbands as if their 競争相手s had been men, and were as likely to lead to 離婚.

What men 速く discover is that chaps are locked out of the ladies’ playroom. Many find the 恐れる that a woman can better 満足させる their wife uniquely 土台を崩すing.

その上に, men understand the 動機s of male 競争相手s, so can 反対する them, but they’re left in the dark when the 挑戦者 is a woman. They worry that they can never be as intuitive ― nor as good at foreplay (after all, who knows what a woman wants better than another woman?).

Wanting passion is not a 罪，犯罪, but thinking you can 得る，とらえる it outside your marriage without 支払う／賃金ing a price is 有罪に short-sighted.

You say you don’t fancy your husband, but you’re so preoccupied by your school gates flirtation that you’re not giving the poor man a chance. And you 危険 losing an important friend if this love 事件／事情／状勢 goes wrong.

Turn your 注目する，もくろむs 支援する to your marriage before you 圧力（をかける） the ‘destruct’ button on two families. And 反映する on how you’d feel if your husband 発表するd: ‘I’m having a fling with a dad I’ve met at the PTA.’