Why let Gaga have all the fun! Give every woman a slave

Published: 00:47 BST, 16 September 2013 | Updated: 00:47 BST, 16 September 2013

Both Lady Gaga and the Queen 推定する／予想する servants to jump to attention when 召喚するd

Lady Gaga and the Queen have so much in ありふれた. Both 推定する／予想する servants to jump to attention when 召喚するd and take care of their every need.

However, a new 調書をとる／予約する about 王室の pets 明らかにする／漏らすs that our busy Queen, にもかかわらず the 重荷（を負わせる）s of 明言する／公表する, 本人自身で 監督するs the feeding of her corgis at 正確に／まさに the same time every day!

Forget 開始 a few cans.

質 sliced fillet steak and chicken breast and special gravy are 用意が出来ている by her chefs, then brought to the 明言する／公表する apartments, where Her Majesty 成し遂げるs the daily ritual of mixing the lot before giving her four-legged pals the 王室の 命令（する） to get stuck in.

Lady Gaga can’t be an 平易な boss ― she doesn’t have corgis, her life is 小旅行するing and (like the Queen) she’s on public 陳列する，発揮する 24/7.

Working as her slave, sorry PA, must be incredibly 需要・要求するing and very different to life below stairs at Buckingham Palace.

Gaga 直面するs a 法廷，裁判所 戦う／戦い with her former friend and PA in New York, who says she was 軍隊d to do 7,168 hours of 未払いの overtime over 13 months and wants £240,000 加える 損害賠償金.

The protagonists have written 非常に長い depositions, and they make riveting reading.?

Gaga says of her former pal: ‘She thinks she’s just like the queen of the universe. And you know w hat? She didn’t want to be slave to one, because in my work?.?.?.?I’m the queen of the universe every day.’

This ‘slave’ was paid £1,000 a week, 推定する／予想するd to sleep in the same bed as her boss if she was lonely, change the DVD when it ran out, get her dressed and buy her tampons.

I could go on, but you get the?picture.

Having a slave sounds very attractive (though perhaps not the sleeping 手はず／準備).

Our busy Queen 監督するs the feeding of her corgis at 正確に／まさに the same time every day!

Our Queen has hundreds of 給料を受けている slaves called servants who 確実にする her 着せる／賦与するs are 圧力（をかける）d and mended, lovely food is served and the washing up done. 承認する, she puts gravy on the dogs’ dinners.

Yes, she shakes a lot of 手渡すs and has to …に出席する boring events and look mildly 利益／興味d.

The Queen is a valued and treasured 資産 to the UK who attracts millions of tourists, so I’m not complaining.

Gaga, on the other 手渡す, sounds as if she’s getting a bit big for her b oots.

At the end of the day, she’s a musician, not a 君主.

Why not solve our 青年 失業 危機 by 問題／発行するing each working woman with a slave?

We could knock these NEETS (Not in Education, 雇用 or Training) into 形態／調整, give them social 技術s and soon they’d be ‘work ready’.

They wouldn’t have to cook dog food or 紅潮／摘発する 洗面所s, but they could do a 位置／汚点／見つけ出す of 家事 and （疑いを）晴らす out the garage, take the dog for a walk and 選ぶ up the children from school.

Why should 豊富な people be the only one with servants when we’ve got hundreds of thousands of people doing nothing?

Only joking!

How Karren and I can save Cameron

見習い工 星／主役にする and 副／悪徳行為-議長，司会を務める of West Ham Karren Brady wants to enter politics

Dave Cameron won’t be happy with a new Mumsnet 投票 that says women are turned off by his party: 42 per cent of those who took part say they would 投票（する） 労働, against just 29 per cent who favour the Tories.

More women say they ‘liked’ Cameron than Miliband, but didn’t seem to ‘like’ his 政策s.

It 増強するs the fact that the Tories fail to connect with 女性（の） 投票者s struggling to eke out 世帯 予算s when 給料 are frozen and c osts are rising.

Cameron’s four holidays in a year 港／避難所’t played 井戸／弁護士席 with mums who have to 選ぶ for 週末 breaks at the seaside closer to home.

Could 見習い工 星／主役にする and 副／悪徳行為-議長，司会を務める of West Ham Karren Brady help the Tories 控訴，上告 to 女性（の） 投票者s?

She wants to enter politics and later this month will introduce George Osborne at the Tory 会議／協議会.

Before then, Cameron needs to whip up 意気込み／士気 and has planned an away day for MPs at a hotel later this week.

Given that women （不足などを）補う half the 選挙民, we’re his biggest problem, so where’s my 招待する?

Why not 砲撃する these Tory boys with a 素晴らしい line-up of opinionated women （衆議院の）議長s who can show them the way?

For most male MPs, women are best relegated to the 支援する room, slaving over a laptop in your office?in a 子会社 役割 and looking attractive on your arm in a nice frock when you have?to 会合，会う the party?faithful.

Stop buying papayas - 選ぶ blackberries instead

Yesterday my veg patch was 攻撃するd with rain and strong 勝利，勝つd, so I couldn’t 選ぶ any beans ― good, because the fridge is rammed 十分な of them.

Bowls of half-peeled 幅の広い beans sit en 大勝する to the freezer and the dining （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する is covered in onions.

Boxes of beetroots sit next to the スピードを出す／記録につけるs and I’ve grown so much kale it features in every meal (no need for laxatives or ビタミン 補足（する）s in this house).

Piles of plastic コンテナs 含む／封じ込める damsons, while 運送／保菌者 捕らえる、獲得するs of apples wait to be wrapped.

There’s a 小型の step-ladder in the boot of the car for scrumping when I 位置／汚点／見つけ出す a fruit tree by the 道端. 加える gardening gloves and a walking stick to reach the highest, juiciest blackberries.

We are in glut 方式. With the 強い雨 earlier this year and then the hot summer, there’s a bumper 量 of produce. And yet 農業者s say we will soon be 輸入するing most of our fruit and vegetables.

In 2012 (with 刈るs blighted by a wet, 冷淡な summer), we grew only 56 per cent of our needs.

Supermarkets are 非難するd for 押し進めるing 負かす／撃墜する prices and making it uneconomic to grow 確かな 刈るs.

顧客s are （麻薬）常用者d to exotic produce flown in from all over the world, which is a shame when we have so many 広大な／多数の／重要な varieties here.

Greengages are unpicked in Kent because no one wants to eat them, favouring mangoes and papayas instead.

I grew up 選ぶing blackberries ― how many families do you see doing it now?

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Come 支援する, 米，稲 O’Connell ― witty, ironic, just the man I want to 株 breakfast with.

Yesterday, 無線で通信する 4’s Broadcasting House was hosted not by 米，稲, but Jane Garvey (who 述べるs herself as ‘an ますます incompetent mother of two daughters’ ― rework that as ‘an ますます humourless presenter’) who reviewed the newspapers, ‘helped’ by Lord Williams, a BBC trustee who failed to find anything about the BBC to comment on (weird that, in a week when the bosses have hardly been out of the news).

When 無線で通信する 4's Jane Garvey referred to Euan Blair's marriage with 'we all love weddings, us ladies', I nearly puked in my fried egg

He had just returned from the U.S. and complained ‘you couldn’t turn on the television?there .?.?.?the news and 演劇 was so poor’.?

This BBC ‘専門家’ seems not to have heard of The Sopranos, Mad Men, The Wire or the superbly written Newsroom.

When Jane referred to Euan Blair’s marriage with ‘we all love weddings, us ladies’, I nearly puked in my fried egg.

Blimey! Cillian plays an 絶対の blinder

The 肩書を与える sounds unsettling, and so is the show, but don’t 行方不明になる Peaky Blinders, the new BBC2 演劇 series.

始める，決める in the slums of Birmingham in 1919, this story of a ギャング（団） of 違法な bookies (指名するd after the かみそり blades sewn in their flat caps) looks like nothing else on TV.

始める，決める in the slums of Birmingham in 1919, BBC2's Peaky Blinders, the story of a ギャング（団） of 違法な bookies (指名するd after the かみそり blades sewn in their flat caps) looks like nothing else on TV

十分な of 渦巻くing clouds of 有毒な ガス／煙s, filthy streets, squalor and degradation, it’s a refreshing 代案／選択肢 to the manicured worlds of Downton and Mr?Selfridge.

Peaky Blinders is Boardwalk Empire and ギャング（団）s Of New York mixed with Goodfellas. It’s centred on a family of crooks who’ll do anything to make money, even betray each other. The design and 衣装s are fantastic, as are the 残虐な haircuts.

Cillian Murphy (pictured) as the former 兵士 決定するd to 掴む 力／強力にする and run the family 商売／仕事 is utterly demonic.

Sam Neill plays an Irish 長，指導者 視察官 sent in to clean up the town, and Benjamin Zephaniah appears as a street preacher. The soundtrack is エース, mixing old and new.

Unmissable.