厳密に humiliating! Susannah Constantine on 存在 the first contestant 投票（する）d out, called the worst ダンサー ever and wanting to give Mr 汚い Craig Revel Horwood a 非難する

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Susannah Constantine 自白するs she just might be the worst 厳密に contestant in history

You’ve heard of the five 行う／開催する／段階s of grief? They sound uncannily like the five 行う／開催する／段階s of coming to 条件 with 存在 booted off 厳密に Come Dancing when the show has barely started.

‘Shock （機の）カム first,’ 収容する／認めるs Susannah Constantine, who, bless, 自白するs she just might be the worst 厳密に contestant in history. ‘Then 受託. Then 荒廃. Then 救済, I think.’

She’s not 完全に sure where she has settled. What’s the mood now, I ask? ‘わずかに psychotic?’ she 示唆するs, with the bewildered 空気／公表する of someone who has been spun around once too often.

Susannah’s has been a bruising 厳密に experience. Mostly, even the flat-footed hoofers つまずく into the 厳密に スポットライトs, muck up a bit, but 最終的に come out smiling.?

Some no-hopers smile all the way to Blackpool, and beyond (yes we are looking at you, Ed Balls, Ann Widdecombe et al).

式のs, Susannah thought ― hoped ― she would 勝利, too. ‘I did,’ she says, with 本物の anguish. ‘When I got a few steps 権利 in rehearsal, I 設立する myself thinking, “This is 承認する. I can do this. I’m going to make it to Blackpool.” ’

Deluded? Of course. But although she 調印するd up knowing 正確に／まさに what 役割 she would play in 厳密に ― ‘I knew I was the Golden Oldie who didn’t have a dance step in her’, she 収容する／認めるs ― she had hoped that she might surprise herself. Don’t we all know now that the older ladies in the 厳密に 階級s can turn out to be secret swans?

‘Yes, I hoped I’d be a Debbie McGee,’ she says. ‘I thought I’d be doing the 分裂（する）s by week three.’

Susannah’s has been a bruising 厳密に experience. Mostly, even the flat-footed hoofe rs つまずく into the 厳密に スポットライトs, muck up a bit, but 最終的に come out smiling

Unfortunately, the only thing to 分裂（する） were the 裁判官s spirits. Susannah’s first 決まりきった仕事 with her professional partner Anton Du Beke was a rather 驚くべき／特命の／臨時の samba which 伴う／関わるd her appearing with a pineapple on her 長，率いる, and Anton making an 入り口 (with his maracas) from underneath her oversized skirts.

The 裁判官s were more horrified than amused, and gave her just 12 points ― one いっそう少なく than even Ann Widdecombe, 主として remembered as a ‘dancing 白人指導者べったりの東洋人’, managed.

長，指導者 torturer, Craig Revel Horwood, who never over-示すs anyone, had to dust 負かす／撃墜する his one-point paddle for the first time since 2011, and に例えるd the experience to ‘watching someone staggering about lost and drunk at a party’.

‘I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to 非難する him,’ Susannah 自白するs. ‘Afterwards I went up to him ― yes to literally 非難する him ― but he was so nice to me that I couldn’t. He said “Darling, I’ve done you a favour, because the only way is up”, and he gave me a few pointers about how I could 改善する for the next dance.’

長，指導者 torturer, Craig Revel Horwood, who never over-示すs anyone, had to dust 負かす／撃墜する his one-point paddle for the first time since 2011, after Susannah's 業績／成果

What about her feelings に向かって Bruno Tonioli, who called the 決まりきった仕事 a ‘car 衝突，墜落’? Oddly, she’s いっそう少なく 許すing に向かって him. ‘Bruno is just white noise. It’s just words from him. You sort of have to put in 事実上の earplugs.’

In her defence, her second dance of the series was much better (and 存在 a foxtrot, 要求するd a proper frock rather than pineapple frou-frou). But, oh dear, this one also 得点する／非難する／２０d her a paltry 12. Her 運命／宿命 on the show was 調印（する）d when a public 投票（する） put her in the final two and, she 収容する／認めるs, she knew her 厳密に time was up.

‘It was horrible,’ she says. ‘I went into it thinking, like everyone does, “As long as I’m not first out” and then I was in the dance off. I said to Anton, “It is going to be us”, and he said “You don’t know that”, but I did, although I did pray that his 人気 might save us.

‘It was 権利 that we went. I was the worst ダンサー there, and if I’d stayed in, one of the others would have been robbed of their place.’

She says she can’t 現実に remember much about going 支援する to her hotel when they finished filming her final scenes on the show. There might have been copious weeping, but she’s not sure. ‘It’s all a bit of a blur. By the next morning, the 圧倒的な feeling was of 辞職.’

For a moment I think she might cry now. Instead, she turns on herself. ‘F***! I’m so annoyed ― with myself, yes. Only myself. If only I’d let myself go more. 現実に, it’s a 奇蹟 I got through the 決まりきった仕事 at all because I genuinely thought I was goi ng to just be frozen to the 位置／汚点／見つけ出す.’

Although she 調印するd up knowing 正確に／まさに what 役割 she would play in 厳密に ― ‘I knew I was the Golden Oldie who didn’t have a dance step in her’, she 収容する／認めるs ― she had hoped that she might surprise herself

厳密に 退役軍人s have tried to explain the abject terror in the past. But Susannah does it best, 述べるing it like having the lower half of your 団体／死体 surgically paralysed. ‘Like an epidural,’ she says. ‘You can’t feel your 脚s.’

Even Craig would surely want to give her a 抱擁する at this point, such is her anguish.

I’ve interviewed celebrities after they’ve 出口d 厳密に before, and mostly they are 十分な of 噴出する and bluster about how it’s the taking part that counts.

But Susannah is painfully honest about how rotten it feels. ‘It’s such humiliation ― and in 前線 of ten million people, too,’ she says. ‘I wasn’t only first off; I think it’s now on 記録，記録的な／記録する that I’ve got the lowest 得点する／非難する／２０ in 厳密に’s history.’

現実に, she’s wrong here. She might have the lowest foxtrot 得点する／非難する／２０ (and the lowest samba, for that 事柄), but there have been worse 業績／成果s. In 2004, モーターing 専門家 Quentin Willson 得点する／非難する／２０d a paltry eight for his Cha Cha Cha. Still we feel her 苦痛.

Susannah’s first 決まりきった仕事 with her professional partner Anton Du Beke was a rather 驚くべき／特命の／臨時の samba which 伴う／関わるd her appearing with a pineapple on her 長，率いる, and Anton making an 入り口 (with his maracas) from underneath her oversized skirts

‘I feel so bad for Anton. God bless him, he was really upset. Afterwards I was 説 to him, “I’ve let you 負かす／撃墜する.” I’ve been trying to analyse this, and the best I’ve come up with is that it is like going to Cambridge to read 蜜柑 when you never learned the alphabet. You might have the best professors, but they can only do so much.’

厳密に fans have questioned whether Anton was to 非難する. Did he work too hard to 現在の her as the comedy character? Were his 決まりきった仕事s 欠如（する）ing? Susannah won’t countenance any Anti-Anton talk. ‘I will not have a word said against Anton. That man is a god. If anyone tries to discredit him, I will 涙／ほころび them to pieces.’

現実に, now that she’s at a loose end, Anton should 雇う her as his スパイ／執行官. He could be 総理大臣 next if Susannah put her mind to it.

‘He is not leaving 厳密に,’ she says emphatically. ‘I 現実に think he should be a 裁判官 because he would be fabulous and he knows his stuff.’

She does agree that it’s high time Anton was paired with a celeb who doesn’t have two left feet. ‘I wish they’d give him someone who had a chance. I’d love to see him in that final. He deserves it.’

Oh, she is やめる lovely in the flesh. Loyal, witty and very funny.

Endlessly entertaining, too ― with just enough hint of danger about her to make you wonder what she will do next.

She was 逮捕（する）d on camera swigging Red Bull from a can as all the ダンサーs waited for the results to come in. ‘I feel bad about that,’ she says. ‘I should have realised it could be seen.’

Her language certainly 注入するs a 誘発する, too. The expletives flow today, which is 理解できる since she is upset, but she didn’t rein them in during the show either. On It Takes Two, presenter Zoe Ball had to apologise for her. In rehearsals, she didn’t 持つ／拘留する 支援する. ‘Anton and I have a 類似の sense of humour. Our 雑談（する） was filthy.’

As Anton will surely agree, she’s certainly a handful, an 半端物 mix of jolly ホッケー-sticks, devilment and heart-on-sleeve vulnerability.

Her background might 叫び声をあげる of 特権 ― 早期に boyfriends 含むd Viscount Linley, Princess Margaret’s son, and Imran 旅宿泊所, the cricketer and now 総理大臣 of Pakistan ― but she’s also, somehow, Every Woman.

The show that made her famous, What Not To Wear (which she hosted with Trinny Woodall) 基本的に 伴う／関わるd making women feel いっそう少なく frumpy. As she approached her own middle age, she 認める she had turned into one of those very souls, and last year put herself on a strict diet and lost 2st. She has 脚s to die for, and getting them out was part of the attraction of 調印 up for 厳密に.

‘When else is a woman of 56 going to get the chance to wear a four-インチ skirt?’ she argues.

She has rather 投げつけるd herself into previous 事業／計画（する）s, never seemingly worried about looking silly or unqualified ― or even naked. She’s done Masterchef. She’s been in the Celebrity ジャングル. She and Trinny famously stripped off for one programme.

One of her last 事業／計画（する）s was haring off to the 北極の on a 生き残り jaunt. She has always seemed やめる invincible.

Scratch the surface, though, and there is much more there.

She says she was 現実に a very shy child, mostly because she was growing up in a difficult 環境. Her mother, whom she adored, was a manic depressive, and her childhood 伴う／関わるd much walking on eggshells.

There were several 自殺 試みる／企てるs, and the young Susannah never やめる knew which mother ― the manic one or the supremely loving one ― she would find.

‘The mood was very much dictated by whether she was having a good day,’ she says.

She has recently published her first novel and is candid about how the story ― a tale of a little rich girl 取引，協定ing with a mentally ill mother ― was 基本的に hers.

‘It’s a love letter to my mother,’ she says.

‘But I also 手配中の，お尋ね者 to 調査する the unique ability a child has to whitewash everything. It’s a form of self-保護.’

The older she has got, the more she has fretted about becoming her mother, or developing her illness. ‘It’s why I 押し進める myself to do things, to 確認する I’m 承認する.’

A surprising source of support for her, in the past, she 明らかにする／漏らすs, was the late Princess Margaret.

In her 20s, she 時代遅れの her son Viscount Linley, and Susannah and the late Princess became の近くに. She was almost a surrogate mother to Susannah. ‘She knew all about my mother, and she was a 広大な／多数の／重要な support. I could always turn to her.’

What was Princess Margaret like? ‘Multi-faceted,’ she says, carefully. ‘高度に intelligent, with a 広大な／多数の／重要な sense of fun. If she was on your 味方する, she was ひどく 保護の, and she was definitely 保護の に向かって me. I know there were other 味方するs to her, but the 味方する I saw was warm.

‘She was a 広大な／多数の／重要な 役割 model, though. Still is. She spoke her mind, which is still seen as やめる a masculine thing to do.

‘You knew 正確に／まさに where you stood. I like that in a woman.’

やめる how Susannah would have fitted into the 王室の Family is anyone’s guess, but it was not to be.

She has been married to Danish 実業家 Sten Bertelsen since 1995, and they have three teenage children, Joe, Esme and Cece, who seem to mock her mercilessly.

Is it true Cece once called her a fat hippo? ‘It might have been a walrus,’ she muses. ‘But it was said with affection.’

What did they make of her 調印 up for 厳密に? ‘The 初期の reaction was, “Are you mad?”,’ she 収容する／認めるs. ‘But then they got やめる into it. Joe （機の）カム to watch, and he surprised himself by loving it.’

Her children 申し込む／申し出d an 利益／興味ing take on some of the other contestants. While she 収容する／認めるs she didn’t have a 手がかり（を与える） who Joe Sugg, YouTuber extraordinaire, was, they filled her in.

‘I wondered what they [厳密に] were doing having people like that on, now I realise they are 存在 clever. You have to 控訴，上告 to the younger audi ences. 厳密に has to bring in new 血.’ Her money is on Joe to 解除する the 厳密に glitterball, and she reckons Kate Silverton could reach the final. There too, in her 予測, will be Ashley Roberts, 以前は of The Pussycat Dolls. We discuss how she turned in a 業績／成果 that, to the amateur 注目する，もくろむ, looked 近づく professional.

‘I think they should have given her a ten but I suppose they felt they couldn’t because it was so 早期に in the 競争.’

Didn’t she want to 押し進める Ashley over, though, given that she has previous dance training?

Somehow Susannah’s 苦境 only 最高潮の場面d how 不公平な 厳密に can be. Can someone like her, who has never danced in her life, really compete against those who have been professionally trained? She’s admirably 抑制するd. ‘Ashley did have dance training, but it’s not ballroom,’ she says.

In fact, she’s complimentary about everyone backstage who she says are like ‘one big family’ and 追加するs that she’s made friends for life.

Now she’s trudging away from 厳密に, you could 許す her for wishing she’d never said she would do the show, but she 主張するs she’s still glad she took part.

‘I have no 悔いるs. I feel proud to have done it. Yes, I discovered how bad I am at dancing, but I did have 広大な／多数の／重要な fun, and I learned some 技術s.’ 技術s she is 決定するd to build on, it seems.

During her rehearsals, she was approached by a woman who had 以前 been a ballroom ダンサー and who 申し込む／申し出d to give Susannah lessons. ‘I’m thinking of taking her up on it. Then I can come 支援する and do the Christmas special and show them all.’

She’d 特に like to have a whirl at the Charleston, which would have been the dance she 試みる／企てるd next. A Christmas Charleston with Constantine?

How splendid. Craig, you have been war ned.

After the Snow, by Susannah Constantine is published by HarperCollins

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