Steph & Dom solve your sex, love & life troubles: I took time out for our kids. Now I envy HIS career

• e-mail

TV’s Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 54, draw on their 20 years of marriage to solve your 関係 problems . . .

Q: I met my husband at work nine years ago and we now have two young daughters.

When we met, we were at a 類似の level in the company. But I am more ambitious. In fact, I had just been 促進するd when I 設立する out I was 妊娠している.

I took two maternity leaves of a year each, returning to work part-time between them, over five years. I’ve now come 支援する to the same 職業 I had when I left, while my husband has been 促進するd twice and is doing really 井戸／弁護士席.

It makes 財政上の sense that I do the school run, but I just feel so 沈滞した. I’m not where I thought I’d be at 44!

An 匿名の／不明の reader asked TV's Steph and Dom Parker for advice on feeling jealous of her husband's career 業績／成就s (とじ込み／提出する image)

I know this sounds bad, but I feel envious of him. It’s like our 役割s have been 逆転するd. I don’t know how to talk about it with him without sounding horribly jealous and resentful (which I am!). What can I do?

STEPH SAYS: This is sadly an all-too-ありふれた 問題／発行する, one I can relate to かもしれない more than Dom because I, too, stopped working when I settled 負かす／撃墜する and had children.

For me, it was a delightful choice and one I enjoyed every step of the way, though I can see that women who train for years to become a doctor, say, or an architect, feel that letting go of a career is a big price to 支払う／賃金.

Your letter （犯罪の）一味s some alarm bells, though. Your husband is doing 井戸／弁護士席 at work and 収入 money ― resenting him 暗示するs bitterness, and I wonder whether it’s a 乗り物 for some other problem in the marriage.

Or perhaps it’s not him you resent, but the sacrifices motherhood has 軍隊d you to make ーに関して／ーの点でs of your career. It feels 不公平な, and you’re 事業／計画（する）ing that unfairness on to him.

I’d 反対する this argument by pointing out the sacrifices he’s also made. Children often 追い出す husbands in a woman’s affections, and he’s almost certainly gone 負かす／撃墜する the つつく／ペックing order ーに関して／ーの点でs of your 優先s. He might have been 促進するd at work but he’s been demoted at home, and I bet he’s felt it 熱心に.

It’s a clich?, but no 疑問 he’s also 行方不明になるd your babies’ first steps and first words, and few parents have wished they were in the office rather than at home for those precious moments.

許す me for 説 this, but I think it’s naive to 推定する／予想する to jump 支援する into a career and すぐに zip up the ladder after taking a 比較して big chunk of time out. However, it’s （疑いを）晴らす you want to scratch that career itch, which I 尊敬（する）・点. This will mean shaking up your family life ― with 潜在的に big 関わりあい／含蓄s for your husband.

Steph (pictured left with Dom) advised the reader to show her vulnerability by speaki ng to her husband about how she feels

So, how to tell him how you’re feeling? Show him your vulnerability and 株 your 関心s with him. Tell him how 傷つける and 失望させるd you are and how you’re starting to take those emotions out on him.

When we have these conversations about the 不平等 of 国内の 重荷（を負わせる）, and work-life balance, it’s all too 平易な to lock horns. Your lives become a 競争. Who’s the most tired? Who has more to do?

You don’t want this conversation to take place on those 条件. Petty squabbles 減らす the importance of the 問題／発行する. So please ask for his help. He’s your favourite person in the world and your biggest 同盟（する）, after all.

Finally, a word of 警告: you may 井戸／弁護士席 have to 支払う／賃金 for childcare ― do not feel 有罪の about the 影響 on your children. This will be an 適切な時期 for them to learn independence and to 信用 others, 技術s they will thank you for later.

DOM SAYS: I’m sorry you find yourself in this predicament, but the fact you recognise your emotions for the ugly things they are ― envy, jealousy, 憤慨 ― means the 戦う／戦い is half-way won.

Marriage is never 平易な, but it’s harder when you work in the same office. It’s 堅い enough working collaboratively, let alone in an 環境 where you might find yourselves competing for the same 昇進／宣伝.

However, you did choose to step out of the race. I can see how your husband’s success might make you envious, but your 憤慨 is a different 事柄. It’s not his fault you took time out with the children and lost your foot ing on the greasy 政治家.

Dom (pictured) told the reader that it's wrong to begrudge her husband's success and 示唆するd swapping 役割s

We men are fortunate enough (or unfortunate enough, if you like) not to go through all the wonderful and hideous things that women 耐える in pregnancy and childbirth. Most of us have the 最大の 尊敬（する）・点 for the sacrifices you make to have a baby. But we can’t do it for you.

It’s wrong to begrudge your husband’s success when, 推定では, his work has 容易にするd your time out. Remember, you’re a 共同.

But that also means he could step up with the childcare now and let you 焦点（を合わせる） on your career more than you have been. In this day and age, companies are more open to requests for 柔軟性 ― from women and men.

The problem you have is talking to him about all of this without sounding like you hate his success. I feel that if you sit 負かす／撃墜する and tell him you’re jealous of a 同僚’s career progression without, at first, 明らかにする／漏らすing that 同僚 is him, you can take the heat out of it. Approach it as a 中立の problem you want to 株, and I’m sure he’ll understand. At which point you come clean and 指名する the ‘同僚’! Hopefully, the co nversation you really want to have now becomes easier.

If he’s いっそう少なく ambitious than you, 示唆する swapping places. Perhaps he can （問題を）取り上げる the slack at home while you go hell-for-leather at work? Maybe you could ask for a 職業 株 at a 上級の level? Or, if you both want a 十分な-on career, how can you make that work for the children? Take the feelings out of it and think ーに関して／ーの点でs of practicalities and 責任／義務s.

Don’t 混乱させる ambition for ability. To keep the family afloat it’s important to be honest about how you maximise your 収入 力／強力にする. If he’s got two 昇進／宣伝s in quick succession, he’s likely to be pretty good at what he does. If that’s the 事例／患者, don’t 溝へはまらせる／不時着する his career just to make a point.

?If you have a question you’d like Steph and Dom to 取り組む, 令状 to: stephanddom@dailymail.co.uk