So why ARE we abandoning Britain's secret army of saint?

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Lucy 頂点（に達する） of Grandparents 加える見積（る）s 200,000 children are in kinship care?
She argues that the support 利用できる to carers is '本気で不十分な'
Diana 速度(を上げる）, 46, from Sussex, stepped in to look after her one-year-old 甥?
Sarah* from the North of England, looks after her niece, now age five? ?
She explained how the 協定 has 原因（となる）d 苦しめる to family life?

Published: 22:09 BST, 26 January 2020 | Updated: 22:09 BST, 26 January 2020

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Over the course of one night in the summer of 2018, Diana 速度(を上げる）’s family of six became one of seven. It started with the phone （犯罪の）一味ing at 1am. Diana, 46 , who lives in East Sussex with husband John, 47, has four children, 老年の 11 to 21.

At that time her older daughter was at university, and the younger one was on a gap year on the other 味方する of the world. ‘I was sure it was one of them,’ she says. In fact, it was social services. Her one-year-old 甥, Tom, had been 設立する in a park in the 早期に hours of that morning. His mother, Joanna ― Diana’s half-sister ― was passed out drunk nearby. ‘His buggy had tipped up and he was 設立する inside,’ says Diana. ‘He could have died. It was like a nightmare.’

Diana knew Joanna’s life was 大混乱／混沌とした. Her mother’s daughter from her second marriage, ‘she had some horrible things happen to her when she was a child’. Stories have 現れるd of 乱用 outside the family, and also of 国内の乱用 within the home. ‘She chose to self-medicate with 麻薬s and alcohol,’ says Diana.

Lucy 頂点（に達する） who is the 長，指導者 (n)役員／(a)執行力のある of the charity Grandparents 加える, argues kinship carers are left to struggle alone.?Jenny Bentley, 63, and her husband Phil, 66, took in their grandson Tyler, 14, when he was a toddler

When Joanna got 妊娠している at 30, Diana hoped she would change. Joanna never 明らかにする／漏らすd who the father was, and it was Diana who supported her through the pregnancy. She saw her 定期的に after Tom was born. ‘We thought she was doing really 井戸／弁護士席,’ says Diana. Sadly, the truth was that her life was spiralling out of 支配（する）／統制する.

‘Tom was 配達するd to us by two policemen at about 3am. He （機の）カム to us in a hospital gown and a nappy and that was it. John and I lay awake for the 残り／休憩（する） of the night looking at him in the middle of us,’ says Diana.

She thought her days of having a small child were behind her. ‘We were just getting a bit of time 支援する,’ she says. She worked four days a week as a classroom assistant; her husband worked long hours as a GP. They didn’t have a spare room, or anything for a baby to sleep in. ‘John had to go to Tesco and get nappies and wipes, pyjamas, 着せる／賦与するs, a cot,’ she 追加するs.

But when 直面するd with tiny Tom, and the social 労働者’s question ‘Can you have him?’, Diana didn’t hesitate. ‘From the minute he （機の）カム into our lives, I knew there was no way I could let him go again,’ she says. ‘There was no way he was going into any system, or up for 採択. He was with me and that was it.’

The number of kinship carers ― those who step in to look after the children of 親族s, to 妨げる them 存在 taken into care ― has risen 劇的な over the past １０年間, says Lucy 頂点（に達する）, 長，指導者 (n)役員／(a)執行力のある of the charity Grandparents 加える. She 見積（る）s there are around 200,000 children in kinship care in the UK.

The rise is partly 負かす／撃墜する to 法廷，裁判所指導／手引問題／発行するd in 2013, whe n kinship care was 促進するd as a way of 演説（する）／住所ing the rising numbers of children in the system. Sir James Munby, then 大統領，／社長 of the family 分割 of the High 法廷，裁判所, said social 労働者s must show that all 代案／選択肢s had been considered before putting a child up for 採択.

Lucy said many?kinship carers struggle?financially, 事実上, emotionally, and are 関心d if they'll be able to continue 予定 to the 衝撃 on their health (とじ込み／提出する image)

研究 shows that young people tend to do much better if they have grown up with family, rather than in 地元の当局 care, says Lucy.

They are with people they know and 信用, which is important when you consider what they have experienced ― neglect or 乱用 by parents who are often mentally ill or 扶養家族 on 麻薬s or alcohol, 同様に as the 外傷／ショック of 存在除去するd from home.

Kinship care is wonderful, says Lucy, but she 公式文書，認めるs the 財政上の, professional and emotional suppor t 利用できる to carers is ‘本気で不十分な’ and ‘in stark contrast to support 利用できる to foster carers and adoptive parents. There are （法などの）抜け穴s and it’s not a （疑いを）晴らす system. Caught up in that are families who are stepping in at moments of 危機, trying to do the 権利 thing.’

This takes its （死傷者）数 on carers, many of whom are grandparents with ill-equipped homes and 減らすing energy and 基金s. ‘We have a lot of kinship carers struggling financially, 事実上, emotionally,’ says Lucy.

A 最近の調査する by Grandparents 加える設立する that a third of kinship carers were so 関心d about the 衝撃 on their health that they were not sure they could continue.

‘That makes me really angry, because if we don’t support the carers to support these children, that’s a lot of children who are at 危険 of going into the care system,’ says Lucy.

Sarah* from the North of England, has been looking after her niece, now five, since receiving a call from children's services in 2016 (とじ込み／提出する image) ?

Sarah*, who is in her 30s, lives with her husband in the North of England. They have four children, 老年の eight to 13. Her niece, now five, first （機の）カム to stay for the 週末 when she was five months old. ‘I was in 示すs & Spencer and the police called, and said, “You do realise she is on an at-危険登録（する）?” I had no idea.

‘All I could think was, “I don’t want to be 逮捕（する）d in 示すs & Spencer. I need to get out!” ’ [Any adult looking after a child on an at-危険登録（する） must be CRB-checked and have a social 労働者’s 許可.]

‘I knew the mum had been 伴う／関わるd with social services, but didn’t realise they were still 伴う／関わるd. I thought my brother had been a good 影響（力）. I didn’t know there were problems,’ says Sarah.

In November 2016, children’s services called to say ‘we needed to go and 選ぶ up my niece’.

The children ― Sarah’s niece has three half-siblings ― were 存在除去するd from their mother. Sarah’s brother was off the scene; the couple had been advised to separate by social 労働者s.

Sarah had already agreed that if anything happened, she would step in. ‘I felt that’s what we needed to do. She is my 血 niece.

Soci al 労働者s told Sarah that her niece isn't 許すd to get into bed with her and asked if she knew how to check the 気温 of a bath (とじ込み／提出する image)

‘But my husband was in shock. He said, “My God, this is for ever, and we’ll open a can of worms.” I just said, “I’ll do it with or without you, it’s your choice.” We had a bit of a barney about it and then he said, “承認する”. My niece was with her mum at her mum’s house. We drove there and everyone was distraught.

‘The other children were 存在 put into cars and driven off to foster carers, 反して for us, the social 労働者s took my niece off her family and 手渡すd her to us in the street. They said, “You need you leave. Now.” ’

Her niece was 21 months old. ‘I cried a lot. You see it from a mum’s point of 見解（をとる）, 関わりなく anything that’s happened,’ she says. She still 格闘するs with this unresolvable conundrum, balancing her 願望（する） to keep her niece 安全な with the 苦痛 the mum must feel.

She says she tells her niece, who is very の近くに to her youngest daughter, ‘You were in mummy’s tummy first, and then we got you as a special 現在の just before Christmas’.

She 追加するs that her husband is 充てるd to her niece and, if anything, she is more 保護の of her than her own children. ‘She’s already had things happen in her life that will have done some sort of 損失, and I don’t want anything else to come into that,’ Sarah says.

But she feels she’s 戦う／戦いing the system. First, she and her husband were 査定する／（税金などを）課すd. ‘It’s very intrusive,’ she says. ‘They speak to ex-partners, your school, 雇用者s. You open up your life to them.

?Sarah and her husband were 認めるd a special guardianship order, nine months after her niece was put into their care (とじ込み／提出する image)

‘Social 労働者s also asked me if I knew how to check the 気温 of a bath. I have four children!’ she says. ‘We were also told my niece wasn’t 許すd to get into bed with us. So when your own children jump into your bed for a cuddle on a Saturday morning, she wasn’t 許すd to ― she was 除外するd.’

Sarah feels such scrutiny is not appropriate when the child is family and you have a 関係. ‘It’s like the system continually tells you she is not your child and she will always be different. Why put these children with family members if you then don’t want them to be part of a family?’

After nine months, they were 認めるd a special guardianship order, which gives them parental 権利s and 責任／義務 but, unlike an 採択 order, does not end the 合法的な関係 between the child and their birth parents.

Sarah’s niece would see her birth mum every six weeks, in 一致 with a 法廷，裁判所協定. At this point, Sarah’s brother wasn’t 認めるd any 接触する.

This 協定伴う／関わるd a two-hour 一連の会議、交渉／完成する trip, which Sarah was happy to do, 追加するing: ‘It fitted into our lives without 乱すing our children too much.

‘Social services told us that this 接触する協定 would stand until my niece was 18. However, within a year we were taken 支援する to 法廷，裁判所 by the parents. My brother 手配中の，お尋ね者接触する. My niece now sees her mum one week, and three weeks later her dad, and three weeks later her mum again, and so on.’

Sarah continues: ‘Now they’re 押し進めるing for more 接触する ― this time unsupervised ― and if we don’t agree we could be taken 支援する to 法廷，裁判所. They keep moving the goalposts, and it’s really 苦しめるing because it’s so 破壊的な to our family life.

Diana 速度(を上げる）, 46, 収容する／認めるs she questions if it would've been better to put her 甥 up for 採択 (とじ込み／提出する image)?

‘My niece’s behaviour at school has got worse since the 増加するd 接触する,’ she says. To expose her to more is 考えられない. ‘However, we live under the constant 脅し that if we don’t agree, we’ll be taken 支援する to 法廷，裁判所.

‘If you’re a foster parent and you don� �t agree with something, you just say no. As a family member you can’t say no, because you don’t want to 危険 losing the child.’

She feels nobody is on her 味方する. ‘You would think that with the millions of 続けざまに猛撃するs kinship carers are saving the system, they could at least spend ￡50 a week on giving you some support.’

‘I have at times thought to myself, “Would Tom have been better off going up for 採択?” ’ 収容する／認めるs Diana 速度(を上げる）, who was 認めるd a special guardianship order last March and now has ‘激しい’ 開会／開廷／会期s with her half-sister when she takes Tom for 接触する visits once a month.

‘He would have had a young mum and dad, younger brothers and sisters. Have I made things worse for him?’ she says.

‘All these questions go around in your 長，率いる. But then you think, ーに関して／ーの点でs of your own 身元, surely it’s better to know where you （機の）カム from, and that there were people in your family who loved you so 猛烈に that they were not going to let you 落ちる.’

‘We had one visit from social 労働者s after the 事例／患者. then nothing’?

Jenny Bentley, 63, a retired staff nurse, lives in 物陰／風下d with her grandson Tyler, 14, and husband Phil, 66, who has two grown-up sons from his first marriage.

' I married late,’ says Jenny ― she was 43 ― and the couple had planned a relaxing 退職, but life changed when their grandson arrived to live with them nearly ten years ago.

Phil’s son, Jamie, 39, separated from Tyler’s mum when Tyler was 18 months old. Jenny says Tyler’s mum 設立する it hard to 対処する and, in April 2011, social services rang and said he had to be 選ぶd up from school. ‘They didn’t feel he should go 支援する home. He was happy to come with us,’ says Jenny. He already had his own bedroom, as he would often stay with them at 週末s.

A year later, Jenny and Phil were 認めるd a 共同の住居 order with Jamie, which lets Tyler switch between their house and his father’s. Tyler sees his father once a month for a 週末. ‘Jamie didn’t want to lose his parental 責任／義務,’ says Jenny.

‘We asked a social 労働者 to come and explain the 状況／情勢 to Tyler, which she did. Then there was no その上の input. No 財政上の help, other than child 利益.’ Tyler had 炉心溶融s that could last for two or three hours. Jenny says a 地元の当局治療力のある parenting group could have been a godsend. But Tyler was shut out as he hadn’t been in the care of the 地元の当局 ― even 24 hours with an 緊急 foster carer would have been enough for him to qualify.

Tyler also wasn’t 適格の for Pupil 賞与金加える ― a ￡2,300-a-year 支払い（額） for headteachers to use on a child’s needs.

‘I told them we needed help ’ Jenny explains. ‘They said: “If he’s not looked after, you can’t have it from us.” ’ After 押し進めるing, she 結局 got advice from a family support 労働者, and the help of a school play leader.

Tyler is now more in 支配（する）／統制する of his emotions and Jenny can finally 抱擁する him. ‘For a long while, you couldn’t put your 武器 around him as he’d squirm.’

She says the change in her grandson is reward enough. But money has been tight. ‘It wasn’t part of our 計画（する）. I don’t get my 年金 for another three years and we are eating into our 貯金. We have to say: “Sorry, we can’t afford ￡120 trainers.” ’

In contrast, f oster carers are paid on 普通の／平均（する）￡450 a week per child, and 割り当てるd a social 労働者.

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*指名する has been changed to 保護する身元s.

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