Dear Zelda
My wife says she’s not in love with me
After almost 23 years together, 14 of those married, my wife has told me she loves me but she’s not in love with me. She is no longer sexually attracted to me, doesn’t want to kiss me and we have not had sex for over six months. We have two children 老年の seven and 11. We are having counselling with Relate but she can’t explain why this has happened. She feels that a break period might 明らかにする things. We have been through a lot together. Fifteen years ago she was sexually 強襲，強姦d. I supported her by going to the police and to 法廷，裁判所 every day. He was 設立する not 有罪の. Now she tells me that she 手配中の，お尋ね者 me to （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 up the man. Have I been too 融通するing? How should I 反応する to the way she feels about me?
‘I love you but I am not in love with you’ is often something said by a cheating spouse. Of course, this may not be the 事例／患者 here, but people frequently have 事件／事情／状勢s because of 不満 with the marriage. It usually means there are problems in the 関係 that need attention. Perhaps you 港／避難所’t really been listening to each other. Maybe there is 未解決の 憤慨 on both 味方するs that hasn’t been 表明するd. Perhaps you are no longer emotionally の近くに or lovemaking had become 決まりきった仕事 and boring. It’s 不当な of your wife to resent you for not （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域ing up the man; you could have ended up in 刑務所，拘置所. But perhaps she feels you don’t support her enough in other ways. You, too, have unexp
ressed needs that are not 存在 met. You have young children so I hope that counselling will help you 解決する this together.
He looks at other girls
At the start of our 18-month 関係, my boyfriend would often comment on how gorgeous other women were. I couldn’t help comparing myself to these women, so I asked him to stop. I am 22 and know I’m pretty, but when I see a woman who he finds attractive I feel ugly and it 影響する／感情s my 信用／信任. にもかかわらず his 安心, I feel he’d rather be sleeping with someone else. I wonder if I should sleep with someone who doesn’t について言及する other girls.
Most men will look at attractive women, but it sounds as though your boyfriend went overboard and this fed into your 不安定な self-信用／信任. He 明白に finds you attractive and it’s you he wants to be with. It’s not just how a person looks ? all their other 質s are 平等に important. You need to work on your self-esteem ? you would only take your insecurities with you if you jumped into a new 関係. I recommend that you read The Self-esteem 定期刊行物 by Alison Waines (Sheldon 圧力（をかける）, £7.99*).
She still 借りがあるs me money
Ten months ago a friend called me in 苦しめる and said the （強制）執行官s were coming to repossess her house and she needed £500, so I lent it to her. She 約束d to 返す me, but she hasn’t sent a cheque even though she knows I can’t afford to lose the money. Her 動きやすい is always on voicemail. It’s not about the money, it’s about the 40-year friendship. I am heartbroken that she has 扱う／治療するd me this way.
I am sorry she has let you 負かす／撃墜する. It’s wise not to lend money to a friend unless you are 用意が出来ている to 扱う／治療する it as a gift i
f it is not returned. によれば the 国民s Advice Bureau, people who lend money to friends have no 合法的な 頼みの綱. You could 令状 and say that you don’t want to lose the friendship and you understand it’s difficult for her to 返す the money, but perhaps she could 支払う／賃金 you in instalments.
接触する Zelda
If you have a problem, 令状 to Zelda West-Meads at: YOU, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, or email z.west-meads@you.co.uk
Zelda reads all your letters but 悔いるs that she cannot answer them all 本人自身で
関係 Clinic: Can marriage 生き残る an 事件／事情／状勢?
To discover that someone you love and 信用 has betrayed you is always 破滅的な. This must have been 特に so for model Liberty Ross, the 34-year-old wife of film director Rupert やすりを削る人／削る機械s, as pictures of her husband’s intimate clinches with Kristen Stewart ? 星／主役にする of his film, Snow White and the Huntsman ? were caught on camera for all the world to see.
Kristen said that her 事件／事情／状勢 with やすりを削る人／削る機械s was a ‘momentary indiscretion’, and begged her boyfriend, 26-year-old Tw
ilight 星／主役にする Robert Pattinson, to 許す her. There is talk that they’re getting 支援する together, but they are not married and don’t have children, so he is under no 圧力 to give her another chance.
Rupert やすりを削る人／削る機械s is said to 深く，強烈に 悔いる his 申し立てられた／疑わしい 事件／事情／状勢, 説: ‘I am distraught about the 苦痛 I have 原因（となる）d my family. My beautiful wife and children are all I have in the world.’ He told friends, ‘I love them with all my heart. I’m praying that we can get through this together.’
If an 事件／事情／状勢 has been going on for months (or いつかs years), you are haunted by the thought of how much your partner’s lover meant to them, and the time they spent together. Then there is the deceit and the lies you have been told so your partner could spend time with his or her lover.
If you and your partner still love each other and there are children, it’s wise not to have a 復讐 事件／事情／状勢 or 急ぐ to the 離婚 lawyers. It is 価値（がある） trying to see if the marriage can be saved. The unfaithful spouse needs to truly 悔いる their 事件／事情／状勢 and want to make the marriage work.
事件／事情／状勢s are often an 指示，表示する物 of problems in the marriage. Painful though it is, it’s important to 調査する together why the 事件／事情／状勢 happened and what changes you both want. You need to 再構築する the 粉々にするd 信用 and in time 許す your cheating spouse.
One 問題／発行する Liberty Ross will also have to 直面する is whether her husband comes into 接触する with Kristen professionally again. It’s いつかs necessary,? but it’s never a good idea and makes 再構築するing 信用 difficult. Something Liberty perhaps realises, as she has 明らかに banned her husband from ever working with Kristen again.?
ZELDA WEST-MEADS
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