排除的 interview with Myleene: 'I took a 弾丸 to my heart'
EXCLUSIVE In her first interview since her shock marriage break-up, Myleene Klass 明らかにするs her heart to Jane Gordon
控訴, sandro. Bra, myla. Earrings, annoushka. （犯罪の）一味s, de beers, mawi and annoushka
When Myleene Klass arrives for our interview ? straight from the school run and clutching a can
of 国会 Coke (‘my crutch of caffeine’) ?? she very politely requests that she should ask the first question. ‘In most interviews I don’t 手段 my words or often engage my brain, but I am so nervous about this, more than any other interview I have ever given. So do you mind if I take my time?’ she asks.
Today Myleene will be talking 公然と for the first time in the six months since Graham (‘Gray’) ? her partner of 11 years, husband of seven months, and father of her two young children ? 発表するd that he was leaving her. She has spent her time since that fateful day in April (報道によれば her birthday) ‘battening 負かす／撃墜する the hatches’ and only now is she ready to try to 表明する the 衝撃 his sudden 出発 has had on herself and her daughters Ava, five, and Hero, 18 months.
It will be difficult for her not just because, for 合法的な 推論する／理由s, she cannot talk 直接／まっすぐに about her estranged husband, but also because she is still emotionally 壊れやすい (we will both cry at least three times during the next hour and a half) and anxious to 保護する her daughters. But it will also be cathartic and give her an 適切な時期 to show the public that she is not a 犠牲者 (‘There was no way ? NO WAY ? I was going to 沈む’) and that you can 現れる from the most difficult times in your life with dignity and strength.
'It's been the hardest six months of my life'
‘You see, I thought Gray and I were so happy. I had just walked 負かす／撃墜する the aisle, so of course
I didn’t see it coming ? I hadn’t even got my wedding dress 支援する from the cleaners,’ she says. ‘When it first happened
and I was in the middle of the 嵐／襲撃する I was just so very, very 傷つける. I felt I would sooner have taken a 弾丸. 現実に, at the beginning, every morning when I woke up, I thought I had taken a 弾丸 to my heart. It’s so 不公平な that people call it “heartbreak” because that word almost romanticises something that is beyond 苦痛. It is all-消費するing, it is debilitating because you cannot move ? cannot do or think of anything else for the sake of a 負傷させる that you cannot see, that no one can see…’
Myleene isn’t looking for sympathy. There is, she says, very little difference between her experience of the 苦痛 of 拒絶 and that of any other woman ? or, for that 事柄, man ? who has received a 弾丸 to their heart.
‘Your love for someone isn’t a tap ? you can’t switch it on and off. It doesn’t 事柄 who you are or what 推論する／理由s they give for leaving you ? it doesn’t 事柄 if they run off to join a circus
or if they run off with Cindy Crawford. It 傷つけるs. There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed and my mum would say to me, “It’s 承認する, you are just grieving.” And she was 権利 ? it is a 肉親，親類d of grief, a grief that you have to work through.’
Blazer, sandro. Bib, mr start woman at start london. Trousers, stella mccartney, from matches. Earrings, annoushka. Bangle, kurt geiger
Where Myleene’s experience has been different is that her grief was played out in public and 必然的に became the 支配する of a マスコミ 嵐／襲撃する. It 現れるd that Gray’s 出口 had been carefully planned ? he 速く moved into a bachelor flat ? and there were rumours that two months before the 分裂（する）, while working on 安全 for The X Factor 小旅行する, he had become の近くに to 25-year-old ダンサー Sarah Robinson, who had 以前は been linked to X Factor 勝利者 Matt Cardle.
‘I withdrew, I couldn’t grieve in public. On the day that I knew Gray had really gone ? for logistical 推論する／理由s I cannot go into ? I had to leave the family house too. I didn’t 落ちる apart because I knew that above everything else the children needed me to be strong for them. So I did the school run as usual, because I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to make sure Ava was settled. And then I went home and packed what I thought I needed into the car. In the 前線 I put my handbag with my credit card and my phone ? my 必須の life 行政 ? and my music, and then I put the baby in her seat in the 支援する and drove to 選ぶ up Ava from school and put her in the 支援する, too. Then I drove for about a mile and just stopped the car, turned around and looked at the girls, and I thought, “I have everything I need; I have got it all here.”
‘It was a good lesson in the sense that I think you can lose sight of what you have,’ she says. ‘I realised looking at my daughters that what I have is 大規模な ? as I say
now every day to Ava, “I have one arm for you and I have one arm for Hero and this is our 部隊.” The children have been my 絶対の 救済.’
Myleene met Irish-born Graham Quinn, 38, in 2001 when he became 護衛 to her 禁止（する）d, the five-strong Hear’Say (勝利者s of Popstars, the short-lived reality talent show that was a forerunner to The X Factor). They were, it has to be said, always a rather ありそうもない couple. Myleene was raised in Norfolk by her Anglo-Austrian father and her Filipina mother and, at the age of 18, won a scholarship to the 王室の 学院 of Music, becoming an 遂行するd musician (she plays piano, violin and harp). Graham, 一方／合間, had grown up on a 会議 広い地所 in Dublin and, in his 早期に 20s, when he was 逮捕（する）d for ヘロイン 所有／入手, had jumped 保釈（金）, moved to Britain, changed his 指名する and started working as a 護衛. In 2003, when his 犯罪の past was exposed in the 圧力（をかける）, he 任意に returned to Dublin with Myleene, as ever, loyally standing by his 味方する. He received a 罰金 and a 一時停止するd 刑務所，拘置所 宣告，判決. The couple became engaged in 2005 and married last October, in a secret 儀式 …に出席するd by just 16 people.?
‘I thought Gray and I were so happy. I had just walked 負かす／撃墜する the aisle, so of course I didn’t see it coming ? I hadn’t even got my wedding dress 支援する from the cleaners’
Variously 述べるd in 圧力（をかける） 報告（する）／憶測s as ‘monosyllabic’ and ‘shady’, Gray has nonetheless managed to 設立する a successful career in the 安全 産業 and is 安全 経営者／支配人 for JLS and a number of other high-profile artists. その後の to their 分裂（する）, Gray has given a 圧力（をかける） interview in which he 反駁するd leaving Myleene on her birthday (6 April) （人命などを）奪う，主張するing that he wouldn’t do that because ‘I’ve spent 11 years with the girl’ ? a phrase, I say to Myleene, that struck me as crudely dismissive of a serious 関係 that produced two children.
‘“The girl” ? what can I say? I can only を取り引きする and 過程 what I know, and I don’t know what’s going on with Gray,’ she says. ‘I can’t speak for him. I can only speak for myself and all I can say is that it has been the hardest six months of my life.’
Myleene is without a 疑問 a strong woman. In the past she’s beaten school いじめ（る）s, who teased her about her glasses and bookishness, and マスコミ いじめ（る）s, who gave her such a hard time after Hear’Say broke up. She is also an unashamed feminist. ‘I believe in women. I believe in their 力／強力にする,’ she says, but when Gray left her she was so 荒廃させるd that she questioned her ability to go on.
‘Everyone around me kept 勧めるing me on by 説 to me that the bad things that happen to you in life make you stronger. I remember one day asking a friend, “How strong do I have to be? Like kryptonite?” And she said, “No, you have to be like bamboo ? be malleable, keep on bending but still be strong.”’
Jacket, 億万長者 couture. Necklace, mawi. Earrings, niin, from my flash trash
In many ways, 存在 able to ‘bend but not break’ like bamboo is not just the secret of Myleene’s emotional 生き残り in the past six months; it is also, perhaps, the secret of the success of her ever-拡大するing and diversifying career. She is very self-deprecating, 述べるing herself as ‘全く mediocre’ and putting her かなりの 業績／成就s 負かす／撃墜する to her ability ‘to 汚職，収賄’. But, in truth, she is clever, talented, beautiful (but not a bit vain), funny and fearlessly able to take on new challenges. It was her 外見 in 2006 on I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! that was to take her then 拒絶する／低下するing career in several new directions (she looked so sensational にわか雨ing in a white bikini that she became a 直面する of 示すs & Spencer, and her charm and personality opened up new 適切な時期s as a TV presenter).
Since April, when she ‘withdrew’ ーするために get ‘my children and myself on a true course again’ (for the first few weeks they stayed with her parents and friends, but they now have a ‘wonderful’ new home), she has made few public 外見s. In June she 現在のd the second of the Jubilee concerts in Hyde Park and in August she travelled to 中国 to 現在の 行方不明になる World, …を伴ってd, as she always is when she 作品 abroad, by her girls.
‘When you are going through a difficult time you want to stop the world and get off. But I’ve learnt that the world moves on’
It is her love for her daughters, and the love she gets from them, that is the 長，指導者 推論する／理由 she has managed to ‘stay sane’. Bu
t she also 認めるs that she would not be able to be here today ? talking so 率直に ? if it were not for the support of the tight group of friends and family that she says
‘I could almost （軍隊を）展開する，配備する as a 軍隊-field around me’. Everyone from her best male friend and publicist Simon Jones, who took her and the children in on the day she had to leave her home, to her parents who now live 15 minutes away, her younger siblings Don and Jessie, both of whom live in Australia, and her closest girlfriends, such as TV and 無線で通信する presenter Lauren Laverne, have played a part in helping her work out her ‘grief’.
‘Oh my God, Lauren! I remember her knocking on my door one day and walking in and putting a big tub of ice cream with two spoons on the （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する and 説 to me “Talk and eat!” My friends were like my backbone when I didn’t feel I had one. I am so appreciative that they all let me talk, talk, talk. Not once did any of them say “stop talking about it” or “stop crying”,’ she says, reaching for another tissue.
LEFT: Myleene on holiday in Barbados with Graham and their daughters Ava and Hero in January, just months before the couple’s marriage broke 負かす／撃墜する, and 権利, all smiles with her two girls at Heathrow in August
Now, although she still has the 半端物 bad day, she is ready to move on and is anxious to pass on to other women the 肯定的な message that the ‘unseen 負傷させるs’ of heartbreak do slowly 傷をいやす／和解させる. ‘When you are going through a very difficult time you want to stop the world and get off, just to catch your breath. But in the past six months I have learnt that the world moves on: in that time two of my friends have got married, two have had babies and two have lost their dads ? life doesn’t stop for anybody. And although at first that seems cruel it’s 現実に good because you have to go with it. There has been so much that is good in that six months; Ava has started school and Hero has learnt to walk and talk ? 井戸／弁護士席, she says, “Nice to 会合，会う you” and “白人指導者べったりの東洋人!”’ Myleene says, pulling out her iPhone to show me a ビデオ of Hero talking and another of Ava puzzling over
her homework.
合法的に, Myleene can’t talk about Gray’s 関与 with their girls (in June he said that suggestions he hadn’t seen his daughters were ‘rubbish’, 追加するing, somewhat revealingly, that he had in fact seen them ‘a couple of times’). When I 示唆する that perhaps some men find fatherhood easier than others, she rolls her 注目する，もくろむs and says, ‘Now that is dangerous 領土, I can’t even dare go there.’
Final proof of her 回復, and her ability to move on, is the gusto with which she has thrown herself into a clutch of new 事業／計画（する）s. Her parents instilled in her a strong work ethic and she has good entrepreneurial instincts ? her Baby K brand of children’s 着せる／賦与するs is now sold in Mothercare in
38 countries, she has just designed a new 範囲 of shoes for Start-儀式, and she also has her own line of ‘instant nails’. Her 最新の 投機・賭ける, a 範囲 of 着せる／賦与するs for Littlewoods, has 越えるd the company’s 予測（する）s by 14 per cent. She says it 作品 because she isn’t ‘冷静な／正味の’, and she designs for mums, not for Lady Gaga. Her 計画（する）, she says, is to grow a ‘little empire’ that will 奮起させる her daughters.
Will she be able to love and 信用 a man again? ‘I don’t want to sound like Oprah but no person should be able to take away your ability to love and 信用. I will always love but I don’t think I will
ever again give anyone the 力／強力にする to destroy my 信用,’ she says.
However much she might try to 否定する it, Myle
ene is ravishing (Prince Philip once said to her: ‘You’re fit, aren’t you?’). Have men started to 攻撃する，衝突する on her? ‘You know, I don’t think I would notice if they had. I can’t even go there,’ she says. ‘My 優先 is 存在 strong for my girls so that they will grow up to be strong women. It’s funny, the other day at home I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to move a （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する to the other 味方する of a room, and Ava said to me, “Mama, shouldn’t we get a man to move that? I don’t think you are strong enough.” And I said to her, “Ava, you do know that it isn’t just men that are strong ? women can be strong in lots of ways.” And she said, “I know Mama, women can be strong in their hearts and their minds.” At that moment I thought, “Wow! It’s gone through; she’s bored of 審理，公聴会 it, but it’s gone through!”’
Myleene’s debut children’s shoe 範囲 for Start-儀式 is 利用できる now. Her winter 範囲 of 着せる／賦与するs and lingerie for littlewoods.com is also 利用できる now
Make-up: Claudine Blythman at Balcony Jump using Chanel A/W 2012 and 紅 Allure 2012
