BEL MOONEY: My mother died and my sister has committed terrible wrongs against me. What's the point of going on?
Dear Bel,
I’m 全く stuck. My grief is never-ending and every day I wish I was dead. I live with chronic 苦痛 day and night. My mother died two years ago; we were so の近くに and I 行方不明になる her every minute.
My only family is my sister ― older and self-centred. She’s not 用意が出来ている to help me with anything unless I 支払う／賃金 her, which I have done in the past. In fact, I’m now in 負債 because of having to 保釈（金） her out of a ?状況／情勢 too 複雑にするd to 述べる here.
十分である to say, I 嘆く／悼む my mother and just can’t move on. Nor can I 許す my sister for terrible wrongs she has committed.
My physical needs are 増加するing and she doesn’t care; I don’t see or hear from her from month to month, yet she lives a two-minute walk away. I’m only here for when she is having a 危機 or needs something (like money).
I do have friends but they have families of their own and are busy. So there’s 絶対 no point to this life. I’m 50 and can no longer work. In fact, there’s very little I can do these days except think. And that makes it worse.
I’m afraid of 落ちるing, and walking isn’t 広大な／多数の／重要な, so I need someone with me when I go out. Therefore, I’m hardly ever out.
I don’t want to sound sorry for myself but I’ve had enough of this life. There’s no point any more. I read your column every week and 尊敬（する）・点 your 見解（をとる）s very much. What do you think?
LINDA
Bel Mooney replies: Thank you for your 尊敬（する）・点, although it is heart-?breaking to read of your grief, ?disillusion and despair ? all 表明するd so succinctly.
You don’t tell me why you have chronic 苦痛 or what 治療 you are receiving, or whether your mother lived with you until her death, or whether your ? sister was attentive to your late mother.
I wish I knew those things, but never mind . . . I’ll try to work with what I have, and since you are a 正規の／正選手 reader you can probably guess that I shall try ?positivity. Even though I 認める how hard that is.
It’s no surprise that you still 嘆く／悼む your beloved mother, and I’m guessing you don’t 現実に want to ‘move on’.
Grief can 申し込む／申し出 strange 慰安: a ?certainty to 残り／休憩（する） on when the 残り／休憩（する） of life seems hopeless. But it does 転換 and change, you know, and the morning may come when you look out of the window, notice the blue of the sky, take a 深い breath and feel the spirit of your loved one 勧めるing you に向かって life. And it’s important to 許す that to happen.
Of course, it will be much harder for you because of your closeness to your mother and because you live with chronic 苦痛; neve rtheless, I just ask you to be alive to the 可能性 that grief and despair can change.
I wonder what 原因（となる）d your sister to be as she is. Was she jealous of your ?closeness to your mother?
It shocks me that she should 推定する／予想する 支払い（額） for anything she might have done on your に代わって.
I’m certainly not going to 勧める you to 許す her, but I will ask you to stop 推定する／予想するing her to be different. The more you 推定する／予想する from her, the more you will be 負傷させるd afresh.
We now reach your point about friends. You’ve 説得するd yourself that you ?cannot rely on them because ‘they have families of their own and are busy’. But how do you know for a fact that 消極的な 声明 is true?
I 示唆する your 激しい grief for your mother and 怒り／怒る at your sister have both 原因（となる）d you to 身を引く. One of the most generous things we can do for others is 許す them to know that we need them, care about them and are glad of their company. I think you should do this as soon as possible. You’re stuck, so need to get out of the house.
One of these friends would surely be happy to make it a ?正規の／正選手 遠出. I understand about mobility 問題／発行するs and 恐れる of 落ちるing, so ?示唆する you 用意する ?yourself with a 始める，決める of Nordic 政治家s for balance.
They’re a godsend for walkers and, if anything, make you look 運動競技の. Think of them as an 必須の 援助（する） which will help you walk に向かって friendships, to better health and to a realisation that life, no 事柄 how painful, is most definitely 価値（がある） living.
How do we tell a friend his 運動ing is 危険な?
Dear Bel,
We are a group who socialise and sing together every week and one of us, in his 早期に 60s, 申し込む／申し出s 解除するs to others.
But his 運動ing is dangerous; he 速度(を上げる）s and has little 支配（する）／統制する over the 乗り物.
One chap who was recently in the car with him had to go to bed for two hours when he got home, and I’ve had personal experience of his erratic 運動ing, too. He had two 事故s 近づく his home 予定 to very ?careless parking.
This may sound humorous, but it really is not. He gives 解除するs to older members and ― even though I 恐れる for their safety ― I realise they’d 行方不明になる out on 遠出s and events if he didn’t make the 申し込む／申し出.
It’s been 示唆するd the group draws lots and that person has a 雑談（する） with the guy.
This would go 負かす／撃墜する like a lead balloon in so many ways; nobody would want to do it and it might seem patronising to the older ?people it most 影響する／感情s.
His brother (who lives a distance away) does not see him very often and would be a 中立の person to broach the 支配する. We seem to have reached an 行き詰まり ― what would you 示唆する?
CHRIS
Bel Mooney replies: It certainly would not be ?‘humorous’ if one of your friends were to be 負傷させるd in a prang.
存在 a 乗客 in a 不正に driven car can be 絶対 terrifying, 特に if the driver 会談 and ?gestures all the time. This is an example of a little problem which could have big consequences.
I think getting his brother 伴う／関わるd is a 完全にする 非，不，無-starter. So is 製図／抽選 lots ーするために choose the bold person who will tell it like it is. Mr 迅速な will get huffy or else just bluff it out; either way, it will surely just make things worse.
And isn’t it rather ‘patronising’ to the older people in need of 解除するs to assume they have no 見解（をとる）s or 機関 on this 問題／発行する?
Have you asked each what they feel? If they all say they hate the scary 解除するs, then the choice is either for them or for you (plural) to ?示唆する an 代案／選択肢. Another 肉親，親類d person with a car should step up, in which 事例／患者 the 貧困の 乗客 is encouraged to tell Mr 迅速な: ‘You’ve been 肉親，親類d to 運動 up to now, but honestly, you just go too 急速な／放蕩な for me.’
Go for the straightforward 選択.
Silence is best way to 取り組む a sulker!
Dear Bel
My husband and I have been married for 55 years and during that time we have been having the same 問題／発行する over and over again.
I’ll say or do something to annoy him and he’ll just stop speaking to me for a day or so. Then, when he’s ‘got over’ it, he’ll just start talking to me again as if nothing has happened. He won’t tell me what the problem is and says we should just forget about it and move on.
I think it’s not fair to punish me when I don’t know what I’m 存在 （刑事）被告 of (even 犯罪のs get told the 罪，犯罪 they’ve committed). But when I say I want to know what I’ve done, he says I’m 長引かせるing it and should just let it go.
Am I 存在 不当な to want to know, or is his ?態度 better and I should just ‘let it go’?
BEA
Bel Mooney replies: How I dislike a sulker! My late father had this 傾向 so I know it’s no joke when the atmosphere is 毒（薬）d.
My poor mother often had 権利 on her 味方する but いつかs I just knew she’d been deliberately winding him up. She knew 正確に／まさに which ?buttons to 圧力（をかける）. Such are the 複雑さs of marriage ― which can be one of the ?hardest 実験（する）s of endurance any of us have to 直面する.
So here’s the thing. I find it やめる hard to believe that after 55 years of marriage you have no idea at all what it is you have ‘said or done to annoy him’. Can this really be true? Don’t you have even a teeny-tiny notion of what’s 誘発する／引き起こすd his long 直面する? And could it be that when you cross-診察する him, you are 簡単に giving him a ‘result’ he 内密に ーするつもりであるd? His silent 治療 had an 影響. Victory!
I think it’s more 効果的な to 行為／法令／行動する as though nothing has happened. After all, silence can be golden and endless 地位，任命する-mortems leaden. 本人自身で, I’d just smile and 冷気／寒がらせる out ― because it’s all over soon enough, just like life itself.
