What our girls really need to learn: Two headmistresses 株 the secret of their success
One teaches girls from the most 特権d section of society, the other from the most 奪うd, but headmistresses Helen Wright and Jo Shuter run two of the best schools in the country. So what’s their secret? Here they tell Louette Harding why it all starts with self-尊敬（する）・点
Dr Helen Wright with pupils from girls' 搭乗 school St Mary's Calne
St Mary’s Calne and Quintin Kynaston (QK) are, on the surface, two very different schools. St Mary’s is an エリート girls’ 搭乗 school in Wiltshire which received a 噴出するing review in Tatler’s Schools Guide. QK is a North London mixed 包括的な serving two of the most 奪うd 区s in the country, where half the pupils qualify for 解放する／自由な school meals. Yet both 耐える the stamp of successful 会・原則s: pupils’ artwork brightening the 塀で囲むs, cheerful 交流s between teachers and students, a 有形の sense of pride and 目的. And they are run by two inspirational women, Helen Wright and Jo Shuter.
These two have something else in ありふれた, too: a 深い worry about girls today and the raft of problems that they 直面する. Like boys, girls must を取り引きする 激しい
exam 圧力 and the prospect of accruing 負債s of up to £84,000 if they get the grades to go to university. After 卒業生（する）ing, they 直面する an uncertain 未来 ? for this 世代 there is no 安全 in careers or 関係s. Girls also have to 直面する the 複雑化s of childcare and a stubborn gender 支払う／賃金 gap. Identifying this 関心, the Girls’ School 協会, of which Helen is 大統領，／社長, has recently published Your Daughter:
a Guide for Raising Girls, which 取引，協定s with 問題／発行するs such as how to 動機づける girls without 押し進めるing them too hard and how to discuss all that can go wrong without discouraging them.
Helen and Jo believe that girls today are 混乱させるd about their 身元s and that this lies at the root of their problems. ‘The way young women should 主張する themselves is not through emulating the behaviour of boys, which is what we are seeing,’ says Jo of QK. ‘They seem to feel that to 得る，とらえる their slice of the cake they must be 積極的な and rude.’ Yet they also obsess about 外見. ‘On one level, they know size 無 is not real,’ says Helen of St Mary’s Calne, ‘but it’s an 受託するd image so they become 自信のない.’ Jo 追加するs, ‘With plastic 外科, 注射s and hair 拡張s, you can now 建設する an image as a woman that has nothing to do with the person you were born to be. 黒人／ボイコット girls want to be はしけ; white girls want a suntan. They all want to look like Rihanna. It’s a 偽の 身元 that these girls are creating.’ She is also shocked by the casualness of some of their 性の 関係s. ‘Many 十代の少年少女s don’t “go out” together as couples. They have what they call “links” ? someone with whom they have sex when they feel like it. And I think the 推論する／理由 some girls behave like that is because their self-esteem is so low.’ Helen agrees. ‘If you don’t like yourself, your path will be harder. All these problems we see, from girls who いじめ（る） to eating disorders [Jo says that self-害（を与える）ing is now the most ありふれた problem]
, are 外部の symptoms of that.’
So how do the two headmistresses turn out resilient, ambitious, happy girls who can 対処する with the 圧力? St Mary’s has a 評判 as one of the finest girls’ schools in the country and QK as one of the most 改善するd, where, にもかかわらず deprivation, more than 90 per cent of pupils go on to university. Both women have a （疑いを）晴らす 見通し of what they must do to help girls through the system, and their methods are remarkably 類似の. Helen says, ‘Encouraging girls to like themselves is at the heart of what we do; making sure they have a strong sense of themselves as individuals.’ Jo agrees, ‘What we try to do is engender a sense of self-尊敬（する）・点, to help them value and 保護する the nub of what makes them who they are.’
They start by 供給するing the time and space to talk and to listen. ‘As a 搭乗 school, we have lots of relaxed 適切な時期s to talk. I’ve been very open with the girls about working and having children, for example,’ says Helen, who has three children, 老年の from one to eight. ‘And we usually guide the girls by asking questions such as, “How do you really feel? What do you really want to do?”’
At QK, Jo has 設立するd a system based on her personal experience. She 首尾よく raised three children, now 老年の 19 to 30, after her marriage failed, and uses 類似の 戦略s at school to those that worked at home. ‘There are so many kids who are 存在 brought up by us as an 会・原則 because their families either can’t or won’t do it,’ she says. ‘Coming from a ユダヤ人の family, everything 回転するs around sitting 負かす／撃墜する and eating and talking together, so if I saw a problem developing, we would sit 負かす／撃墜する to discuss it.’ At QK, she has formalised this by 設立するing groups where girls with different 利益／興味s and 関心s can talk in a supportive 環境, which she sees as 決定的な in a school where 女性（の） stud ents are より数が多いd. A special area is 始める，決める aside for the girls’ 排除的 use at lunch and break times, too.
Jo Shuter with girls from North London mixed 包括的な Quintin Kynaston
As the girls get to know themselves, the next step is to 説得する them to like who they are. Helen says this is a subtle 商売／仕事: ‘Every human is different so there can’t be a 詳細な計画.’ But she thinks that too much parental 賞賛する becomes an empty background noise, which does nothing to build real 信用／信任. ‘We try to develop their own passions and 利益／興味s. We keep a の近くに 注目する，もくろむ to make sure they are not too judgmental of themselves. And parents need to remember that there should be 境界s, such as what time they have to return home, who they are with, how they travel. I don’t think it’s reasonable for 14- or 15-year-olds to stay out late. You can never be your daughter’s
best friend but you can be her amazing mother.’
Jo is stepping in to 供給する 境界s to those children who aren’t taught them at home. ‘I’m
so horrified by the way some girls and boys relate to each other that I’m scrapping our 存在するing 性の 関係s education programme and putting the whole 焦点（を合わせる） on how young people perceive each other and what they wa
nt from their lives together. I’m always talking to the kids and telling them that they should be aspiring to be in 関係s, not having sex with whomever
and pretending it’s 承認する. They should be looking for a special person who means something to them. At first they laugh and say, “Oh, you’re so
old-fashioned.” But when you peel away the 層s, you get to the point where they say, “I know, 行方不明になる.” And what we are trying to do is get the girls to say, “現実に, I’m 価値（がある） more than that.” I held a girls-only 議会 recently about what beauty really is. It was heartening listening to them talking about it on the way out. The message I gave the girls was: you’ve got to be happy with the person you are. I showed them a picture of Madonna before and after airbrushing. I said, “This woman is 53 ? it’s not surprising that she’s got lines.” I played them the lyrics of [soul singer] India Arie: “I ain’t built like a supermodel, but I learnt to love myself. Don’t need your silicone, I prefer my own.”’
にもかかわらず the 競争 for 最高の，を越す university places and 職業s, both 長，率いるs are encouraging their girls to 目的（とする） high. ‘We are still 説 to them, “You can do whatever you want to,”’ says Helen. ‘But we 追加する that there are different paths. We want to talk about the 障害物s that they may 会合，会う without making them seem insurmountable. Do they need a 計画（する） A, a 計画（する） B and a 計画（する） C these days? Yes. If someone wants to 熟考する／考慮する 薬／医学, for example, we say, 承認する, we’ll go for 計画（する） A, but if that doesn’t work out we’ll have 代案／選択肢s. We can talk a little about 計画（する） B, but that’s where the 罰金 line comes in ? you don’t want that person to become demotivated about 計画（する） A. And there are
different 大勝するs. You can become a doctor by doing postgraduate 医療の training with a French degree, for example. This year ten of our girls got 申し込む／申し出s from Oxford or Cambridge, but some didn’t. We had a few discussions: should they reapply or go for o
ther 選択s? And I said, “Put that thought in a box. I 保証（人） we’ll be able to have a 手段d discussion after you’ve done your exams.” It’s a question of thinking about what’s really important to you and having something to tide you over. We never leave girls high and 乾燥した，日照りの. There will always be a direction in which they can go.’
類似して, Jo says, ‘When the girls first come here, we talk about “when” they go to university, so they see themselves as 存在 on a 旅行.’ Helen 追加するs, ‘We keep up a fluid conversation with the girls. It comes 負かす／撃墜する to 助言者ing.’ 助言者s and 役割 models play a 抱擁する part in both women’s approaches. ‘At St Mary’s, we 持つ／拘留する a Women in 法人組織の／企業の Culture 会議／協議会 and we have businesswomen come and talk about their own 旅行s, and I think the girls learn that there isn’t a 始める，決める way to 達成する your 目的（とする）s; life isn’t like that.’ At QK, says Jo, ‘Ex-pupils return to the school to 助言者 and to 株 their accounts of university life. And we take groups to visit? former students now 熟考する／考慮するing at Oxford and Cambridge.’ She 雇うs staff who work 純粋に on the pastoral 味方する. ‘The school is 十分な of 助言者s and adult 役割 models. It’s expensive but 価値（がある） 投資するing in.’ This, again, mimics her instinct as a mother. ‘My 女性（の） friends, sisters and Mum were giving the same messages to my daughter Millie [now 23] as I was. That’s important. If there’s a problem between you, someone else can step in for a while, さもなければ they go to the peer group.’
Helen has to teach her 特権d girls how to fail and how to 選ぶ themselves up after a 失望. Her 指導／手引 helps them to see 失敗 as a useful experience, which takes away
its sting. ‘There are a number of times where we を取り引きする this very 特に. We encourage our pupils to put themselves 今後 for a sixth-form scholarship, but we also talk to them about the プロの／賛成のs and 反対／詐欺s. It is a 競争. They h
ave to 重さを計る up putting themselves 今後 or not, knowing that they may or may not get it. And I say, “For me, trying is the better way to operate, because it’s important to know how 不確定 and the taking of a 危険 feels ? and that will stand you in good stead.” So we try to challenge them and support them at the same time. I want them to take academic 危険s and other 危険s, too.’
Deprivation gives the QK pupils an inherent resilience but the school 申し込む／申し出s practical 同様に as emotional support. ‘We’ve got a number of sixth-form students who are homeless,’ says Jo. ‘One girl, who is living in a 宿泊所, （機の）カム in the other day and said she was going to give up and get a 職業. So we pointed out that she has one more year before university, when she’ll be housed, how much she has already 達成するd and how she is stronger than she thinks. Then we broke her problems into steps. “Let’s get this essay in first.” We phone her every morning to get her up. One girl 作品 on night 歓迎会 here from four to 11 so that she can 熟考する／考慮する while she mans the 前線 desk and be paid, because she was struggling in a 宿泊所. So in a 危機, we 申し込む／申し出 a step-by-step approach for getting from A to B and at the same time we give them self-belief: “I have done an amazing 職業 already.”’
Because their pupils were 存在 deterred from university by the new 料金s, QK held 贈呈s in 議会. ‘We showed students in 詳細（に述べる） how the 返済s will be manageable because they will be 比例する to what they are 収入.’
By the time the girls enter the sixth form, it is obvious that the methods have worked. ‘Fourteen and 15 are the really difficult ages for girls,’ says Jo. ‘If you can get them over that hump, they do come 支援する on stream. Their sense of themselves is vastly 改善するd. It is almost as though the girls become the more powerful; they know where they’re
going, 反して the boys are still playing around. They find a strength.’
‘The path of 存在 a 十代の少年少女, if done 井戸／弁護士席, is from feeling alone and different to feeling alone and unique,’ says Helen. ‘It comes 支援する to knowing yourself. It’s not something for which you can say, “Tick!” But if you’re 前進するd on that 旅行 you’ll be successful in life, 簡単に because you feel more yourself.’
‘We teach them to like themselves’
Dr Helen Wright, 41, has been 長，率いる of St Mary’s Calne since 2003. She is the 現在の 大統領，／社長 of the Girls’ School 協会 and won Best 長，率いる at the 2010 Tatler Schools Awards. Educated in a 一連の 明言する／公表する schools and at Oxford, she taught in all-boys schools before realising that ‘what I was really 利益／興味d in was the education of young women. I was 最高の，を越す at さまざまな 支配するs, but never believed in myself. At home, I was fiery. It’s about learning to be yourself.’
How she does it Helen manages with a part-time nanny, her husband Brian, whose IT 職業 許すs him to be at home four days out of seven, and a home on 場所／位置. All the same, she 原因（となる）d a マスコミ 嵐／襲撃する last year by returning to school just seven hours after giving birth to her third child, Jessica. ‘I was very lucky it was a straightforward birth,’ she says. She used the 熱狂的興奮状態 as an 適切な時期 to 雑談（する） to the girls about working motherhood: ‘I explained that it’s about hard work and deciding for yourself what you can or can’t do.’
On teaching ‘Encouraging girls to like themselves is at
the heart of what we do.’
On parenting ‘Too much parental 賞賛する does nothing to build 信用／信任.’
On careers ‘You can do whatever you want to do, but you need a 計画（する） A, B and C these days.’
'The girls become more powerful’
Jo Shuter, 50, has been 長，率いる of Quintin Kynaston since 2002. Since her 任命 she has turned QK from a 失敗 (悪名高い for former pupil Learco Chindamo, 殺し屋 of London headmaster? Philip Lawrence) into one of the country’s most 改善するd schools. Educated at a London 明言する／公表する school and Bristol University, she taught PE and social sciences before discovering ‘a penchant for working with challenging kids’. She joined a special school before turning around five failing 第２位 schools in Hertfordshire and then joining QK. She was 指名するd Headteacher of the Year in 2007, awarded a CBE in 2010, and 作品 with other challenging schools in different 地元の 当局. She is now raising 基金s to buy a house for her homeless pupils.
How she does it ‘I planned to do two or three years at QK. My 管理／経営 style was brusque: if you don’t like it, off you go. But I got so seduced by the kids and taking the school on its 旅行 that I changed my 管理／経営 style from 独裁的な to inclusive and stayed.’
On teaching ‘We try to engender a sense of self-尊敬（する）・点.’
On sex? ‘Girls should be aspiring to be in 関係s, not having sex with whomever.’
On behaviour? ‘Young women shouldn’t 主張する themselves by emulating the aggressiveness of boys.’
