The Sunday I stepped into my pulpit to 自白する I was 強姦d twice: Courage of vicar who told congregation attacks robbed her of any hope of motherhood

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The elaborately carved 木造の pulpit of Christ Church Eccleston has doubtless hosted many thought-刺激するing sermons during its 180-year history.

The handsome red sandstone church in the parish of St Helens, Merseyside, with its 早期に Victorian lychgate and 崩壊するing graveyard, attracts a 献身的な and devout congregation every Sunday, thanks to the warm welcome from its bubbly vicar, the Reverend Sonya Doragh.?

Her homilies are known for their candour and insight.

But, 異常に for the 普通は sedate Anglican 省, they can also 証明する shocking.?

One Sunday late last year, Sonya took a 深い breath before she stepped into the pulpit.?

Then she 自白するd to her parishioners that she had been 強姦d not just once, but twice, at the age of 17, by two separate 攻撃者s.

Sonya Doragh (pictured) stepped up to the pulpit one Sunday recently and told her congregation she was 強姦d twice at the age of 17?

'It was something I just had to do,' she explained today.

'It is a part of me, and it is a part of my 約束, although it has taken me 20 years to articulate.?

'I think it's important as a priest to engage with my brokenness, and my vulnerability.?

'To be able to say from the 前線 of church, 'I was 強姦d, and I still love God,' is so simple but so important for anyone ? women or men ? who might have experienced 類似の 外傷／ショック.

'I hope my honesty in turn encourages my own parishioners to approach me with a 類似の candour.

'Their reaction was, 'Wow! That was 勇敢に立ち向かう.'?

'But I don't know who I would be or what I would be had it not happened. I know only that brokenness 産む／飼育するs compassion.'?

That Sonya, now 45, has 生き残るd such extreme 実験（する）s of 約束 in both God and mankind is 証言 to a rather 驚くべき／特命の／臨時の strength of character.

It was fostered by her strong Christian しつけ in Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire, where her father left the 法人組織の／企業の world to become a priest himself later in life.

But as a 十代の少年少女, Sonya rebelled against the church.

It was the late 1980s, the beginning of the rave 世代 奮起させるd by a new wave of dance music and party 麻薬s, and it was all too 平易な to 落ちる under its （一定の）期間.?

One summer's day in 1989, Sonya skipped school to hang out in a 地元の park.

'It was a lovely, sunny day,' she 解任するs.?

'People would have been smoking 少しのd and drinking, but 存在 the 特権d girl that I was I had my mum's car so I didn't have anything, and 申し込む／申し出d people a 解除する home.?

'It was 中央の-afternoon ? I had to get home as if I'd been to school.

'One guy said yes and, when we arrived at his home, asked if I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to go in to 会合，会う his family.?

Although he was a bit older, I had no 推論する／理由 not to 信用 him.' Once inside, he 強姦d Sonya at knifepoint.

It is hard for her to dis cuss the 詳細（に述べる）s of it, even now. 'It was horrific, 明白に planned. I was a virgin and I just 退却／保養地d into myself.?

I have no memory of what happened afterwards. I don't remember 運動ing home. I was in total shock, and that lasted for やめる some time. I lost part of myself that day.'

After the two horrendous ordeals she 苦しむd at the age of just 17, Revd Doragh (pictured) had to be 扱う／治療するd for several sexually transmitted 感染s and was left unable to conceive?

She told no one, until some gynaecological symptoms led her to confide in a friend, who went with her to a sexually transmitted 感染 (STI) clinic at Stoke Mandeville Hospital.

'I don't suppose there is anything more 脅すing than 存在 強姦d at knifepoint, though I went to the clinic thinking I might have エイズ.?

'Then ? at the 高さ of the 疫病／流行性の ? it was a death 宣告，判決.'

Sonya was 扱う／治療するd for several STIs, 含むing chlamydia, although an HIV 実験（する） （機の）カム 支援する 消極的な.?

But the horror and loneliness of the experience did, she 収容する／認めるs, lead her to 'self-anaesthetise' with drink and 麻薬s.

Just weeks later, she spent the night at a friend's house に引き続いて a trip to a club.?

She fell asleep in a room with other girls but woke to find herself 存在 強姦d ? again by a man she knew and 信用d.

Sonya fled before morning and told no one, yet this horrific turn of events would throw her even more 深く，強烈に into 騒動.

'There was shock, extreme horror. It felt like I'd watched it in a film, happening to someone else.

'I 非難するd myself ? of course I did. Most 犠牲者s do. You hear it, don't you, 'She was asking for it.'

'For a while I even believed that God had punished me for abandoning Christianity; that somehow the 強姦s were linked.?

'I hadn't made myself 攻撃を受けやすい, but yet I still felt that 犯罪.'

Going into her final year at school, Sonya 述べるs living 'a 平行の life'. 'There was a dark, 内部の reality. I was 叫び声をあげるing inside.?

Revd Donargh made her 勇敢に立ち向かう 自白 in 前線 of parishioners at Christ Church Ecclestone in St Helens, Merseyside (pictured)?

Then there was the 外部の reality where I just got on with everything, but 避けるd any proper conversation or intimacy. It was a whirlwind ? I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to be too busy to think. I played netball, I played in my orchestra, I 熟考する／考慮するd for my A-levels.?

When there was nothing to do, I drank and partied.'

Incredibly, she passed her exams and began a degree in 商売／仕事 and French at Oxford Brookes University.?

大部分は, she hid the 地位，任命する-traumatic 強調する／ストレス which haunted her, leaving her 脅すd, anxious and angry.

'There were 確かな 誘発する／引き起こすs…' She pauses.?

'I had some bizarre reactions to kitchen knives. If I was alone in a room with a man I would have a wobble ? or more, if someone grabbed 持つ／拘留する of my wrist.'

Outwardly, however, she appeared 焦点（を合わせる）d and 運命にあるd for success.?

During her final year, in 1994, Sonya was 申し込む／申し出d a place on a 示すs & Spencer 急速な／放蕩な-跡をつける 管理／経営 計画／陰謀, and had also passed the first 一連の会議、交渉／完成する of 実験（する）s for a Civil Service 役割.?

But 自信のない of which path to take, she …を伴ってd a friend to church.?

捜し出すing clarity in her career, it instead gave her the courage to 直面する her experiences.

'Coming to 約束 helped. I'm not 非難するing my 強姦s for all my teenage 決定／判定勝ち（する）s. I had a lot to be forgiven for.?

'My experienc e of forgiveness has been it's a movement rather than an occasion. In 存在 forgiven my movement was, and is, に向かって God.'

最終的に she 拒絶するd the 法人組織の／企業の path, instead choosing to work ? 未払いの ? for Christian charity Viva, helping street children.

'It was greater than my 運動 for all the things that had 動機づけるd me before. All my peers were doing the 管理／経営 thing ? I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to change the world.'

会合 her husband Phil, who was training to be a 青年 労働者, on a blind date in 1996 was transformative.?

'He was very people 焦点（を合わせる）d, attentive, caring, gentle ? the antithesis of the alpha male.'

They married within a year, but soon 設立する that 損失 to Sonya's ovaries ? linked to the 延期するd chlamydia 治療 ? was too 厳しい to 許す them to have their own children.?

One fallopian tube was 完全に 封鎖するd; the other 新たな展開d at a 90-degree angle, making conception ありそうもない.

They learned only later that IVF was also not an 選択.

'It was then that the 'Why me?' questions really began. I know one of my rapists now has children,' she 追加するs, 静かに.?

'That's not fair. But I've learned not to 推定する／予想する fair.'

The couple chose to 可決する・採択する, and have three loud, messy boys ? siblings who are now 20 and 19, and a five-year-old. In 2010, Sonya began her training to become 任命するd.?

'People kept 示唆するing it,' she laughs. 'The call was 漸進的な, but now it feels very much what I was made for.'

While she was 熟考する／考慮するing, she made the 決定／判定勝ち（する） to speak in 前線 of her fellow 訓練生s.

Sonya wrote a poem about the 強姦s, which imagined God 存在 現在の 'and 存在 as horrified as I was'.?

'It was so difficult to do, but very cathartic. I realised God loved those men 同様に as He loved me.

'It's horrific to be able to say that ? why didn't God stop what was happening??

'But I could now see that it was a loving God who had 許すd it because he 許すs all of us all of our choices.

'One 詩（を作る） was about me 叫び声をあげるing out to God that it wasn't fair, and 存在 surprised to hear 'I agree' in return.'

But although Sonya believed she was 直面するing her long-buried past, it was only the に引き続いて year, when she broke her 脚 落ちるing 負かす／撃墜する the stairs, which finally re-awoke the 十分な horror of her experience.

'I would wake up in the night 叫び声をあげるing. It was almost as though the 外傷／ショック that I hadn't dealt with had clung on to this 事故.?

'I had counselling, which was painful and exposing. I had gone to 広大な／多数の／重要な lengths to shut the door.'

Sonya finally 設立する the strength, in 2015, to 報告（する）／憶測 the men who attacked her to the police. An 調査 is 現在進行中の.

The 遺産／遺物 they have left is in the chronic 苦痛 of pelvic inflammatory 病気, which doctors believe could have been 誘発する／引き起こすd by chlamydia.?

A hysterectomy will, she hopes, finally 演説（する）／住所 this.

Then last year, Sonya was 任命するd vicar at Christ Church Eccleston.?

Interestingly, she says the 新規採用 パネル盤 had 'done their 予定 diligence' and knew that Sonya had written about her 強姦s in the Church Times.?

She now felt she had their blessing in 調査するing the 問題／発行する with her congregation.

'They deserved to hear it 直接／まっすぐに from me,' she says. 'In church, we don't discuss our dark valleys enough and that' s wrong.'

The sermon was a meditation on 約束, and the challenges of believing in a God who 許すs such monstrous 行為／法令／行動するs to take place.

Perhaps surprisingly, there were no shocked ちらりと見ることs, no sharp intakes of breath.

Instead, most of those 現在の that day 賞賛するd their vicar for her bravery.?

Crucially, Sonya has not only forgiven herself, but has forgiven her 攻撃者s ? a troubling proposition for most of us.

'I know these men were very broken,' she says. 'I can only hope they've 設立する a path that's shown them love in a more 完全にする and whole way, because their brokenness is greater than 地雷.'

Sonya is now 伴う／関わるd in a special 'Mother's Day Runaways' service at Liverpool Cathedral for anyone who finds the 年次の 祝賀 of motherhood difficult.

'I've realised that my story is rarely given 発言する／表明する. To hear that 外傷／ショック spoken about, and to hear that someone has 栄えるd beyond it, is really helpful for other women.

'For me, telling my story has become a feminist thing. It's the only 力／強力にする I've got to vindicate a 強姦. 強姦 didn't take my life, my womanhood or my femininity.

'Speaking out is an 行為／法令／行動する of 力／強力にする. But in the 即座の 影響, it felt like exposing 証拠不十分.'