On the couch with Janet Ellis: I've fallen for my best friend's brother

  • 小説家 and grandmother Janet Ellis answers your 燃やすing 窮地s
  • This week she counsels a woman in love with her friend's brother
  • She advises that the woman should not 危険 her friendship for romance?

By Janet Ellis For The Daily Mail

Published: | Updated:

小説家, grandmother of?four and ex-Blue Peter?presenter Janet Ellis, 60,?answers your questions...

Q: My best friend and I have known each other since we were at school and have remained 会社／堅い friends for the past 40 years. I have always had a soft 位置／汚点／見つけ出す for her older brother, but aside from teenage flirting, nothing ever happened between us.

After leaving school he went on to get married and have children, while I have had a couple of long-称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 関係s, but never married. Over the years I have seen him at family get-togethers and the 半端物 wedding and we still get along 井戸／弁護士席.

But three months ago his marriage ended and I have seen a bit more of him, and those same feelings are still there.

I have always had a soft spot for my best friend's older brother, but aside from teenage flirting, nothing ever happened between us

I have always had a soft 位置／汚点／見つけ出す for my best friend's older brother, but aside from teenage flirting, nothing ever happened between us

I don’t want to do anything 不適切な and I really don’t want to upset or 怒り／怒る my friend, but I feel we could be a 広大な／多数の／重要な match. Then again, I also don’t want to embarrass myself if he doesn’t feel the same. Should I 行為／法令／行動する on my feelings?

A: It’s wonderful to hear about your long friendship and, whatever you do, you mustn’t jeopardise it. That means you’ll have to approach the next 行う／開催する／段階 with your friend’s blessing ― and her help.

She’ll know you and her brother get on and that must have been an extra 特別手当 in your 関係 with her, too, but she won’t know you’re so attracted to him. That’s because you’ve sensibly kept your thoughts to yourself over the years, which is as it should be as he was married and you were committed どこかよそで.

If you 自白する to her how much you’ve fancied her brother over the years, you run the 危険 of her 嫌疑者，容疑者／疑うing you of 存在 duplicitous as you were both in other 関係s. She may also have a good 関係 with his ex, which will 実験（する） her 忠義s ― and, of course, there are children 伴う／関わるd, too.

同様に as 存在 your chum, she’s his sister, too, and sisters are 悪名高くも 保護の of their brothers. He’s just come out of a long marriage and whatever the circumstances of the 分裂（する）, she’ll be keen to see he isn’t going to get 傷つける in the 未来. There’s going to have to be a period of 調整 for all of you if your feelings for him are 報いるd and, if they’re not, you’ll need a shoulder to cry on. The person in the middle of all this, as you 井戸／弁護士席 know, is your best friend.

I think you should become her 同盟（する） in helping him to take his first steps into newly 選び出す／独身 life. Why not 示唆する the three (or four, if she’s got a partner) of you go out together or 招待する everyone over to yours?

That would also be a good way of getting to know him better, as you may find that seeing someone on jolly form at a few family 集会s might not be the same as 存在 with them in a small group on a wet Wednesday.

If you realise he doesn’t feel the same as you think you feel about him (or that you were mistaken in your own feelings), it’ll be easier to move on if you 港／避難所’t 危険d everything by asking him out alone.

The person in the middle of all this, as you well know, is your best friend, Janet advises

The person in the middle of all this, as you 井戸／弁護士席 know, is your best friend, Janet advises

If there’s a 相互の attraction, then your friend is bound to sense it, but let her be the one who thinks she’s discovering how 井戸／弁護士席 you and her brother get on.

She’ll take a particular delight in getting the two of you together if she’s 許すd to take the lead, rather than feeling left out if you go behind her 支援する.

Even if a 関係 doesn’t develop, you’ll have to go on 会合 up with him, so don’t be too 迅速な. The watchword here is patience. This has been percolating for years ― don’t 急ぐ now.

You and his sister can make sure her brother ends up with the 権利 woman. If it’s you, then you and your closest friend would become family. But if he’s not the 権利 man, she’ll still be your best friend ― and that’s a position no one else can fill.

?

Janet Ellis

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