EXCLUSIVEWhen my husband was 診断するd with incurable 癌 at 39, he 明らかにする／漏らすd his surprising last 悔いる. Now I live my life the way he wished he had, 令状s STACEY HEALE
悔いる has a bad rep.
We are 砲撃するd with ‘good vibes only’ messages of positivity and taught from a young age that 悔いる is a waste of our time. I believed this 同様に, until my husband Greg was 診断するd with incurable 癌 at 39 and the idea of 悔いる took on new meaning for both of us.
存在 told that you, or someone you can’t live without, is going to die 行為／法令／行動するs as an enormous wake-up call. The petty nonsense of day-to-day life 解散させるs and the truly important becomes abundantly （疑いを）晴らす.?
It 許すs you to 焦点（を合わせる） on what you wish you had done when you assumed you had all the time in the world. The clich? is 訂正する ? you will 悔いる the things you 港／避難所’t done, not those that you have.
In the 早期に days after his diagnosis, Greg and I sat in our 支援する garden talking over coffee about our 悔いるs. In our ten years together we’d never broached the 支配する, but with no idea how much time Greg had left to live, it suddenly seemed important.
I asked what he regretted about his life, and he surprised me by replying: ‘I wish I had dressed more like Marc Bolan.’
Stacey with Greg at his art 展示 in Southampton, 2018
This was not what I was 推定する／予想するing. I knew Greg had always loved the 禁止（する）d T. Rex; when he was younger, he had dressed like Marc Bolan on 行う／開催する／段階 in the first iteration of his 禁止（する）d 延期するs. There are photos of him onstage at 17 ? a blond mop-haired boy in silver shirts, ヒョウ-print trousers and トンs of 黒人／ボイコット eyeliner.?
When the 禁止（する）d was 結局 調印するd to a 記録，記録的な／記録する label years later, they were encouraged to 現在の a safer look, more in keeping with 禁止（する）d of the time such as The Libertines or The 一打／打撃s.
‘I just wish I had dressed how I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to,’ Greg had said, sadly. This stayed with me for weeks, and during that time I began an online search for the glam-激しく揺する fashion of Marc Bolan. I was 特に taken with his 1970s silver 壇・綱領・公約 boots, so much so that
I 設立する a pair on Ebay and ordered them for myself, as a sartorial 思い出の品 for me to do what I want to do ? now.
Greg 設立する my new look hilarious and watched with 利益／興味 as my uniform of old T-shirts, yoga pants and flip-flops ? necessary for 取引，協定ing with two children under three years old ? was 取って代わるd by outlandish dresses and glitter. On a whim,
I bleached my dark hair to a pastel lilac.
At this point Greg wasn’t very ill, although the 味方する 影響s of chemotherapy 荒廃させるd him 肉体的に and mentally. While nurses at the hospital 大（公）使館員d tubes and cannulas to pump 麻薬s through his veins, I would sit next to him thinking about the silver boots.?
Even though I wasn’t the one dying, I thought about my own 悔いるs; how I had become a 上級の fashion lecturer in higher education without ever 尋問 whether I 手配中の，お尋ね者 the 職業.?It gave me the time and space to consider what I really did want to do ? which was to 令状. With my silver boots on, I had the 信用／信任 to phone the 地元の newspaper to ask if I could 令状 a 週刊誌 column for them, にもかかわらず having no experience. To my astonishment, they said yes.
Greg also took the spirit of the silver boots to heart. As a painter, his diagnosis changed his entire style, which moved from miniature portraits drawn in biro to 抱擁する, wild, abstract artworks. He had begun to feel boxed in by the style he was known for but the understanding that his life was truly 限られた／立憲的な gave Greg a 新たにするd belief in himself and the energy to 調査する new mediums.?
In 2018, his 有望な 絵s were 展示（する）d at Southampton City Art Gallery と一緒に work by Leonardo da Vinci. It was the pinnacle of Greg’s creative career.
Versace boots, Mytheresa.com?
At the same time as the 展示, I wrote about the idea of 悔いるs and the silver boots on social マスコミ and it created a 抱擁する reaction. Strangers 接触するd me to say ‘wear the silver boots’ had become their new mantra. Some sent me images of themselves in wonderful outfits that had been left at the 支援する of their wardrobes.
Others 株d snaps from holiday 目的地s they had put off visiting for years. One woman told me about the silver boots WhatsApp group she had created for her girlfriends, using it to 計画（する） and 文書 all the activities they didn’t want to 悔いる not doing. One of them, I discovered, was learning to play the piano, another had taken up skateboarding at the age of 37 and someone else wore her silver boots to work on the day she 手渡すd in her notice to the boss who had made her life hell.
Some people’s stories were 深遠な, such as the mother afraid of 飛行機で行くing who 設立する the strength to 征服する／打ち勝つ this and take her children to her birth country to see their 遺産.?
Others were frivolous and fun, like the woman who’d spent her life wanting to 持つ／拘留する a live baby chick and finally visited a farm where she had ten on her （競技場の）トラック一周 at once. The childlike joy it gave her was 感染性の.
These people didn’t have a 終点 diagnosis; they had just realised that our 未来s are not 保証するd and 手配中の，お尋ね者 to stop putting life off. At a time when our hearts were breaking at our own 状況／情勢, these messages gave Greg and I such warm 慰安 and hope.
Greg died four years after we had our 初期の discussion about 悔いるs, and I became a 未亡人 at 41. At that time, I could never have guessed how such a small conversation in our garden could have grown into an idea with a life of its own and make an 衝撃 on strangers all over the world.?
Even now, years after I began talking about this one comment from Greg, I still receive so many messages about silver boots; photos taken in shops with the words, ‘saw these and thought of you’.?
On the hardest days since his death, I 持つ／拘留する on to this idea ーするために 持つ／拘留する on to Greg and not 溺死する in my own grief.
I know that he would want me to wear the silver boots and dance into the 未来.
Stacey’s memoir Now is Not the Time For Flowers is published by Bonnier, £20. To order a copy for £17 until 12 may, go to mailshop.co.uk/調書をとる／予約するs or call 020 3176 2937. 解放する／自由な UK 配達／演説／出産 on orders over £25.
