LIZ JONES'S DIARY: It's always daunting moving into a new house on your own, but I was stunned by what 迎える／歓迎するd me when I finally took the 重要なs to my new Georgian vicarage…

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I took 所有権 of the 重要なs to the vicarage on Wednesday. My car was packed to the rafters, おもに with Diptyque candles, Iittala glassware ? the 必須の stuff. Nic followed on behind with a vacuum cleaner, my carpet cleaner and 小型の Puppy.?

I was very 強調する／ストレスd. We all know that houses, stripped of furniture, look 恐ろしい. I was 用意が出来ている. I swore I would not cry or get depressed.?

We arrived at the 広い地所 スパイ／執行官’s in Darlington. ‘I’m very 強調する／ストレスd,’

I told Kelly, who had been looking after me. She gave me a gift box: cheap bath salts and some piri piri seasoning. 公式文書，認める to 広い地所 スパイ／執行官: when we are moving 所有物／資産／財産s, we don’t need more rubbish. We drove to the house.

This is my eighth 購入（する）. I fell off the 所有物／資産／財産 ladder, bruised and broken, told by my Insolvency Lady I would ‘have to live in a 穴を開ける’, in 2015. I still cannot believe I own a house, let alone a Georgian vicarage with big windows, a 石／投石する staircase, a Yorkshire-石／投石する-flagged 塀で囲むd garden. I keep thinking something bad will happen. It always does.

I kept dropping the 重要なs as we walked through the churchyard.

I 打ち明けるd the door, 小型の Puppy in 牽引する. She was 存在 so good, though she spoiled my ‘明らかにする／漏らす’ ビデオ rather by 匂いをかぐing then 少しのing on a gravestone. Red tulips bloomed merrily by the 前線 door. I opened it. The house was 石／投石する 冷淡な. Why do people not leave the heating on? Why? The kitchen had been 強姦d, 塀で囲む lights ripped from sockets. There was no 瓶／封じ込める of ワイン, no card.

When I sold my house in Gibson Square in Islington, I left behind:

• The Georgian light fittings, chandeliers.
• 厚かましさ／高級将校連 Georgian 解雇する／砲火／射撃 grates.
• All the 器具s, 含むing the American fridge freezer.
• Spare rolls of Timorous Beasties wallpaper in 事例／患者 anything developed a smudge.
• A 瓶／封じ込める of シャンペン酒.
• A laminated 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） する権利を与えるd: ‘Useful things you might want to know’.
• My Italian wardrobe, which lit up when you opened it.

Nic was angry on my に代わって that there was rubbish on the 上陸, empty 瓶／封じ込めるs in the cellar (the cellar is 抱擁する. I am thinking of creating a larder, though I rarely buy food). I have bought a few items from the owner: a rug, a chest of drawers, a jasmine 工場／植物 and an oak Welsh dresser. ‘If I had sold you a dresser,’ Nic said, running an indignant finger, ‘I would have 誓約（する）d it.’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘but he’s a man.’

I have been disappointed before. That was when I left my pristine Georgian house in Gibson Square and arrived at the 56-acre farm I had bought, for £1.6 million, in Somerset. The owners had left chains dangling from 天井s, where they had ripped out light fittings. They had 除去するd the butler’s 沈む, and the 解雇する／砲火／射撃 grate, and had dug up 工場／植物s from the garden.?

The house was filthy. ‘How did they raise children in this?’ I remember exclaiming. That house had been 設立する for me by a 所有物／資産／財産 スパイ／執行官* who 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金d not much shy of fifty grand. All they gave me on arrival was a candle studded with orange slices. I hate candles studded with orange slices!

In the vicarage, after so many years of hope and hard work, after despair and destitution, I started to cry. Nic said that once we have given it a clean, ripped up the carpet and the lino (the entire ground 床に打ち倒す will turn out to be flagstones), it will feel very different.

We struggled to use?the remote 支配（する）／統制する to turn on the heating and hot water. I dug out 殴打／砲列s from my handbag. I am the only person I know to take spare 殴打／砲列s everywhere. I opened the 二塁打 doors into the 塀で囲むd garden and heard the 空気／公表する-source heat pump start working.

‘Nic! We have liftoff!’

It is so daunting, moving into a new house on your own. Starting again. Taking a photo of the メーター. The house is surrounded by tombstones; some even lean against it.?

I have been 保証するd it?is not haunted, and that in the past it was lived in only by the women who were servants to the bigger house next door. I really hope I won’t be 脅すd. I am 確かな I will make it beautiful.

*Phil off the telly

Jones Moans... What Liz loathes this week

• Snidey people. I was on a shoot last week, talking about the Princess of むちの跡s and all the online trolls and 共謀 theories. ‘井戸／弁護士席, Liz, you know all about those.’ Gaah!
• Holiday lets, again. This time, a beach house in East Sussex. ‘Two small, 井戸／弁護士席-behaved dogs welcome. Each pet is 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金d at £60.’ Jeez. I’m thinking of emailing them, 説 I have a 6ft 5in husband who loves porn and an incontinent child.

接触する Liz at lizjonesgoddess.com and find her @lizjonesgoddess