Dear Caroline: My いじめ（る）ing partner is 涙／ほころびing my family apart?
Q My adult daughter has ‘許容するd’ my outspoken partner of 18 years. However, after a 最近の heated 交流, she has told me that she and her boyfriend have had enough of his いじめ（る）ing 爆発s and 辞退する to see him again.?
I have shed 涙／ほころびs 想像するing the?未来 without our fun meals out, holidays and family get-togethers. I understand her 決定／判定勝ち（する） and know she won’t change her mind ? which, for my sake, she has done in the past. I’m so torn because I 恐れる that if I was to 直面する my partner over this it would lead to me walking away from what is in essence a contented, loving 関係.
I feel heartbroken that the 社債 I have with my daughter might change because of this.
A Your letter makes me so sad because I 嫌疑者，容疑者／疑う there is a lot more to the 状況／情勢 than you 述べる ? and I would hate to think that your 関係 with your daughter might be 損失d beyond 修理. You say your partner is outspoken, your daughter and her boyfriend have complained of his いじめ（る）ing 爆発s and that these are so bad that they 辞退する to see him ever again.?
You also say that you might be on the point of walking away yourself (yet still 述べる it as ‘a contented, loving 関係’). This gives me the impression of a man who is 不当な and かもしれない very unpleasant.?
So, unfortunately, you need to ask yourself some difficult questions. Are you sure that this is a loving 関係 or does your 恐れる of 対決, perhaps even of your partner, mean you always give in? Are you deceiving yourself that it is better than it is? I wonder if the 決裂／故障 or ending of the 関係 with your daughter’s father has had such a 損失ing 影響 on you that you can’t 直面する going through that again.?
Are you putting up with a far-from-ideal 関係 because you 恐れる 存在 alone? Ask yourself if your daughter could be 権利 about this man, that he is a いじめ（る）. It is damning that they never want to see him again.?
So unless they are difficult personalities themselves, ask yourself what that says about your partner. It would be 悲劇の if you had to choose between your partner and your daughter and lost that の近くに 関係 with her.
If your partner truly loved you, I believe he would be 荒廃させるd that he had upset your daughter so much ? and would 努力する／競う hard to mend things. I know that should your 関係 with your daughter and her boyfriend 崩壊する you would not only stop loving your partner, you would start to resent him, too.?
These are painful thoughts to 熟視する／熟考する and I’m sure it is a difficult road ahead, so I 勧める you to 捜し出す individual counselling with relate.org.uk?to support you and help you decide what to do.
I want my big birthday to be special?
Q I am fed up with my husband’s selfish family. Unfortunately, I 株 a birthday with one of my husband’s brothers, and every year we are all 推定する／予想するd to get together for a birthday meal.?
This has been going on for １０年間s. However, his family is 抱擁する (my husband?is one of four siblings, I’m an only child) and it always ends up with my birthday 存在 影を投げかけるd. I’m not petty, and I am perfectly able to celebrate my birthday my way on a different day with my husband, so I have put up with it.?
However, next year is going to be my 50th and I would like to go on holiday for my birthday, just the two of us. My husband says he would really like this too but he is worried about upsetting his family. Am I wrong to be annoyed with him for not 存在 able to put me first?
A You are not wrong: I can see that this must feel as though your husband is always putting you second to his family. However, it do esn’t sound as though this is because he sees your needs as いっそう少なく important. I think it is because you are so tolerant that your needs have never held sway.
His family sound 支配的な and I think he might do what they want because they will make more of a fuss if he doesn’t, 反して you might get a bit annoyed by it ? but he knows that you are more 融通するing.?
However, this is a 目印 birthday and you shouldn’t be the one who has to bend. So talk to him and say that you don’t want to upset his family either, but that next year he will have to be more assertive and explain to them that they will have to change their 祝賀s by a week or two if they want you both to be there.
If you have a problem, 令状 to Caroline West-Meads at YOU, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email c.west-meads@mailonsunday.co.uk. You can follow Caroline on X/Twitter?@Ask_Caroline_
Caroline reads all your letters but 悔いるs she cannot answer each one 本人自身で
